


national hot dad alliance is now calling...

by dicaeopolis, owlinaminor



Series: author's favorites [12]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aliens, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Canon Compliant, Captains, Dogspotting, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Kozume Kenma, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Meme Wars, Queerplatonic relationship, Reckless Use Of Mopeds, Skype, Teen Drinking Is Very Bad, Texting, captains squad, dad jokes, recreational alcohol use, the recorder version of My Heart Will Go On, updates on Fridays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-12 10:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 58,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5663683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dicaeopolis/pseuds/dicaeopolis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlinaminor/pseuds/owlinaminor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Sawamura Daichi:</b> What the fuck.</p><p>(Or, the captains' squad interactions that definitely happen outside of canon, presented in Skype chat form.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. welcome to (meme) hell

**Author's Note:**

> authors can be found on tumblr at [dicaeopolis](http://dicaeopolis.tumblr.com/) and [owlinaminor](http://owlinaminor.tumblr.com) respectively
> 
> this fic has been translated into [russian](https://ficbook.net/readfic/4140611)!
> 
> WE HAVE GOTTEN SOME REALLY NICE FAN ART??? (mild spoilers) IT CAN ALL BE FOUND IN [THIS TAG](http://vivasimplemindedness.tumblr.com/tagged/FIC-ART), PLEASE LET US KNOW IF YOU CREATE ANY SO WE CAN ADD IT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ur favorite lolcat:** its a cat face  
>  **ur favorite lolcat:** the : are my eyes  
>  **ur favorite lolcat:** the 3 is my mouth  
>  **ur favorite lolcat:** the c is my paw, which I am putting to my mouth  
>  **Dadchi:** I don’t really get it.  
>  **ur favorite lolcat:** you strike me as a -_- man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR COOL GUY 2: ENTER THE FUNK. also for the manga if you're not caught up.
> 
> any sherlock references are completely unintentional. all steven universe references, however, are completely intentional.

_July 30, 2015  
_ _11:37 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** bro  
**HOOT HOOT:** bruh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BRO  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRUH  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BR O  
**HOOT HOOT:** B R U H  
**ur favorite lolcat:** MY BROIEST OF BROS  
**HOOT HOOT:** SUPREME BRUH

_[cut for length]_

_12:02 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** … anyway dude what did u want  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** right  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i was thinking  
**HOOT HOOT:** dangerous pastime bruh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well u know i always live dangerously  
**HOOT HOOT:** bruh … last week u refused to finish a bag of potato chips bc it touched the ground for 2 seconds  
**ur favorite lolcat:** just because i live dangerously doesnt mean i have to be unhygienic bro cmon  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but that isnt the point  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the point  
**ur favorite lolcat:** is  
**HOOT HOOT:** yesssssssssss?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i think we should start a group chat  
**ur favorite lolcat:** with sawamura  
**HOOT HOOT:** sawamura?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** karasuno’s captain  
**HOOT HOOT:** RIGHT  
**HOOT HOOT:** WAIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRUH  
**HOOT HOOT:** DOES THIS MEAN  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i thought we could all help each other out  
**ur favorite lolcat:** with like  
**HOOT HOOT:** SEX  
**ur favorite lolcat:** captainy things  
**ur favorite lolcat:** WHAT NO  
**HOOT HOOT:** ;)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** HE HAS A BOYFRIND  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BOYFRIEND  
**ur favorite lolcat:** SHIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** u know what else he has?  
**HOOT HOOT:** a gr8 ass  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro pls im serious  
**HOOT HOOT:** im serious  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hes a good captain and i want advice  
**HOOT HOOT:** but like  
**HOOT HOOT:** what kind of advice  
**ur favorite lolcat:** did u notice that his team actually listens to him?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like … they actually call him sawamura-san  
**HOOT HOOT:** my team calls me bokuto-san  
**ur favorite lolcat:** thats only bc ud go into emo mode if they didnt  
**HOOT HOOT:** HEY AT LEAST IT WORKS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i tell it like i see it  
**HOOT HOOT:** but  
**HOOT HOOT:** ok  
**HOOT HOOT:** sawamura seems like a chill guy  
**HOOT HOOT:** even if our teams are definitely better than his  
**ur favorite lolcat:** obviously  
**HOOT HOOT:** also he would be fun to mess with  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yesssss  
**HOOT HOOT:** ohoho?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ohohoho ;o  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ill make a group chat later  
**HOOT HOOT:** wait sawamura has a skype?  
**HOOT HOOT:** wait u KNOW sawamura’s skype???  
**HOOT HOOT:** ??????????  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kenma knows hinata’s and hinata knows sawamura’s  
**HOOT HOOT:** HINATA!!!!!!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LOVE HINATA  
**HOOT HOOT:** LETS INVITE HINATA INTO THE GROUP CHAT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he’s not a captain  
**HOOT HOOT:** BOO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i can give u his skype though  
**HOOT HOOT:** BOO REDACTED

 

 _July 30, 2015  
_ _6:42 P.M._

_ur favorite lolcat created CROWS CATS OWLS UNITE_

_ur favorite lolcat added HOOT HOOT, Sawamura Daichi_

**ur favorite lolcat:** ohoho?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ohohoho  
**HOOT HOOT:** wait bro ive gotta show u i found the coolest video earlier  
**HOOT HOOT:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4txVqr1eNwc>[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4txVqr1eNwc)**ur favorite lolcat:** where did u find this candid footage of me  
**HOOT HOOT:** i was FILMING IT bruh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BRUH

_[cut for length]_

_7:51 P.M._

**Sawamura Daichi:** What the fuck.  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURAAAAAA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** SAWAMURA WHAT A DIRTY MOUTH  
**ur favorite lolcat:** WHAT WOULD YOUR CHILDREN SAY  
**Sawamura Daichi:** There are … 568 unread messages?  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOU TYPE WITH CORRECT PUNCTUATION  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Yes?  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LOVE U SAWAMURA  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Thank you?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Who are you?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ………………  
**HOOT HOOT:** dont talk to me any more  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lol  
**Sawamura Daichi:** ...  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Bokuto?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur a smart guy sawamura

_Sawamura Daichi would like to add you as a contact._

_You and Sawamura Daichi are now connected on Skype!_

_7:54 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** HEYHEYHEY  
**HOOT HOOT:** HEY SAWAMURR  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURAA  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Hello Bokuto.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Hello … Kuroo, I’m assuming?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** damn straight  
**ur favorite lolcat:** or well  
**ur favorite lolcat:** not straight  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but u get the point  
**HOOT HOOT:** ohohohoho  
**Sawamura Daichi:** But what is this, exactly?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** a group chat  
**HOOT HOOT:** GROUP CHAT  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Which is?  
**HOOT HOOT:** GROUP CHAT  
**Sawamura Daichi:** That doesn’t answer my question.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** a chat  
**ur favorite lolcat:** with a group  
**ur favorite lolcat:** havent u ever used skype before?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Suga helped me make an account last summer when he went to stay with his aunt and uncle in Korea for two weeks.  
**HOOT HOOT:** AWWWWW  
**HOOT HOOT:** thats adorable  
**ur favorite lolcat:** how is sugawara?  howre u guys?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Fine?  I’m not sure why you’re asking me.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** why dyou think  
**HOOT HOOT:** WE CARE ABOUT U SAWAMURA  
**Sawamura Daichi:** You barely know me.  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT WE WANT TO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** thats the purpose of this chat  
**ur favorite lolcat:** for us to exchange techniques and stuff  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Oh.  Okay.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** I can get behind this.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** So, Kuroo, what new strategies is Nekoma planning to use in their next match against Karasuno?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura you ain’t slick

 

 _Augu_ _st 7th, 2015  
_ _7:12 P.M._

 **Sawamura Daichi:** Hey guys, is anyone online?  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM HERE SAWAMURA  
**Sawamura Daichi:** You know how you helped Tsukishima with blocking during the training camp?  
**HOOT HOOT:** YEAH  
**HOOT HOOT:** MAN that was a good week  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Do you have any thoughts on teaching him to spike better?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** My strength is in receives, Suga and our coach are both setters, and our ace is scared of him, so we don’t really have anyone to teach him.  
**HOOT HOOT:** your ace? the big guy?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Yeah, Azumane.  
**HOOT HOOT:** because tsukishima’s taller…?  
**HOOT HOOT:** im pretty sure azumane’s still twice his weight  
**Sawamura Daichi:** It’s not the height, he’s just scared of everything.  
**HOOT HOOT:** ...alright  
**HOOT HOOT:** hmmm  
**HOOT HOOT:** first off he needs to trust his setter more  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Easier said than done.  
**HOOT HOOT:** he isnt gonna want to hear this but hes gotta put speed first, let the setter take care of accuracy  
**HOOT HOOT:** id be nowhere w/o a reliable setter  
**HOOT HOOT:** brb im gonna tell akaashi that itll make him happy  
**Sawamura Daichi:** I’ll ask Suga to work with him while still letting him think on his own.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** With Kageyama, I can usually convince him that something’s his own idea, but Tsukishima is too smart for that.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** He’s got a lot of potential, you know.  
**HOOT HOOT:** TRUST ME I KNOW  
**Sawamura Daichi:** How’s Akaashi?  
**HOOT HOOT:** he said “i know” and then told me to leave him alone so he could focus on homework  
**HOOT HOOT:** hes still here though so whos the real winner  
**HOOT HOOT:** (its me)  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Whatever makes you happy.  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH ALSO tsukishima clenches his shoulders a lot  
**HOOT HOOT:** he tries to hit hard with the strength of his muscles rather than the speed of his arm  
**HOOT HOOT:** should be the other way around  
**HOOT HOOT:** if that makes any sense at all  
**Sawamura Daichi:** It does, actually.  
**HOOT HOOT:** get him to be more fluid about it  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Thanks, that was...surprisingly helpful.  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM SMART SOMETIMES YKNOW  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Any advice for Hinata, while we’re at it?  
**HOOT HOOT:** YEAH  
**HOOT HOOT:** EXORCISE HIM TO MAKE SURE THAT QUICK ISNT FUCKIN WITCHCRAFT  
**HOOT HOOT:** then send him to fukurodani so i can see him every day  
**Sawamura Daichi:** No.

 

 _August 9, 2015  
_ _7:13 A.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA ARE U AWAKE  
**Sawamura Daichi:** I am.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Why?

_HOOT HOOT sent a picture_

**Sawamura Daichi:** Are those Hello Kitty pajamas?

_HOOT HOOT sent a picture_

**HOOT HOOT:** A CLOSE-UP  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Oh my god is that Sharpie.  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITLL WASH OFF  
**HOOT HOOT:** EVENTUALLY  
**Sawamura Daichi:** It’s on his FACE, he’ll get ink poisoning.  
**HOOT HOOT:** URBAN MYTH  
**HOOT HOOT:** IVE DRAWN ON KUROOS FACE MANY TIMES AND HES STILL KICKING  
**Sawamura Daichi:** ...Whatever.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Why are you sharing this with me?  
**HOOT HOOT:** BECAUSE IVE ALREADY SENT IT TO EVERYONE IN NEKOMA  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT NONE OF THEM ARE AWAKE TO APPRECIATE IT  
**Sawamura Daichi:** I’m not sure Kuroo would appreciate this.  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS THE POINT  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Also, how did you manage to do that?  
**HOOT HOOT:** oh  
**HOOT HOOT:** he slept over at my house after a video game marathon last night  
**HOOT HOOT:** this happens sometimes  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Who won?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ME OBVIOUSLY  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM THE GREATEST  
**Sawamura Daichi:** …  
**HOOT HOOT:** well actually kuroo won  
**HOOT HOOT:** but ive got blackmail for days so WHOS THE REAL WINNER  
**HOOT HOOT:** HAHA SUCKER

_9:27 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto koutarou i am going to end you

 

 _August 13, 2015  
_ _8:02 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hey sawamura  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Yes?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** when ur away from practice for a day  
**ur favorite lolcat:** does this ever happen?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Does what ever happen?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shit i forgot to send the link hold on  
**ur favorite lolcat:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgHW02YF50s>  
**Sawamura Daichi:** What is this?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** When mom is not home?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** I’m not a mom.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i mean yeah ur a dad but  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its the same concept  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BRUH  
**HOOT HOOT:** I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED THAT MEME  
**ur favorite lolcat:** THE MOST QUALITY MEME  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Please don’t ever send this to Hinata.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** What’s a meme?  
**HOOT HOOT:** lol brb  
**ur favorite lolcat:** uh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh cmon bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** in my hour of need and everything  
**HOOT HOOT:** I JUST NEED TO MESSAGE HINATA GIVE ME A BREAK  
**Sawamura Daichi:** You have Hinata’s Skype?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ME N HINATA ARE BROS  
**Sawamura Daichi:** So that’s why he still won’t shut up about you.  
**HOOT HOOT:** omg really  
**Sawamura Daichi:** He wants to be an ace, you know.  
**HOOT HOOT:** HE WANTS TO BE JUST LIKE ME  
**HOOT HOOT:** OMG  
**HOOT HOOT:** im gonna steal him  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Don’t you dare.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** That’s off topic, though.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** What is a meme?

_ur favorite lolcat sent an image_

**ur favorite lolcat:** you  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you are a meme  
**Sawamura Daichi:** That’s just a picture of me? With “what is a meme” written over it in white font?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** What does this have to do with the trombone video?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wow look at the time  
**ur favorite lolcat:** gn  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Kuroo, it’s only 8:20.  
**HOOT HOOT:** HINATA SAYS HE AND NISHINOYA ARE GONNA DO THE VIDEO  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHEN SUGA ISN’T HOME  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Neither of them live with Suga!  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Bokuto, do YOU understand memes?  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE A TRULY TERRIFYING AMOUNT OF HOMEWORK TO FINISH TONIGHT  
**HOOT HOOT:** TTYL  
**Sawamura Daichi:** WHAT IS TTYL?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Bokuto!  
**Sawamura Daichi:** ...Argh.

 

 _August 15th, 2015  
_ _8:18 A.M._

 **Sawamura Daichi:** I asked Hinata what a meme is.  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHOHOHOHO  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT DID HE SAY  
**Sawamura Daichi:** He said to Google it, and I told him I don’t know what a Google is, and he wouldn’t stop laughing.  
**HOOT HOOT:** omg  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto you chose a good protege  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Guys.

_ur favorite lolcat changed the title to sawamura daichi is a meme_

**Sawamura Daichi:** GUYS.

 

 _August 19, 2015  
_ _2:05 A.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** ok sawamura  
**HOOT HOOT:** bc its very late and i feel bad for u

_HOOT HOOT changed the title to CROWS CATS OWLS UNITE_

**HOOT HOOT:** and heres what a meme is  
**HOOT HOOT:** <http://static3.techinsider.io/image/55ba6d1f371d22dd2e8ba492-1106-1012/screen%20shot%202015-07-30%20at%202.31.57%20pm.png>

_8:11 A.M._

**Sawamura Daichi:** I still don’t get it.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lol

_12:53 P.M._

**Sawamura Daichi:** So a meme is … like an internet fad.  A picture or video or text.  That people find funny for a limited amount of time?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** And a lot of variations are made on it?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** And sometimes these variations are funny, but other times they contribute to killing the meme?  
**HOOT HOOT:** WTF WHO TOLD U  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Shimizu, our manager.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** She’s very smart.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i hate to break it to u sawamura  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but u dont have to be very smart to understand memes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** u just need a sense of humor  
**Sawamura Daichi:** What?  I have a great sense of humor!  
**Sawamura Daichi:** I laugh at Suga’s jokes all the time.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that doesnt count  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Why not?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shit ttyl ive gotta get back to class  
**Sawamura Daichi:** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!  
**HOOT HOOT:** dont you mean  
**HOOT HOOT:** what does it meme  
**HOOT HOOT:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

_8:08 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** shit i just realized  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura  
**ur favorite lolcat:** did u just start going around  
**ur favorite lolcat:** asking everyone on ur team what memes are  
**Sawamura Daichi:** I brought it up at our after-practice meeting, actually.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Why?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hahahahaha  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im so happy we made this chat

 

 _August 25, 2015  
_ _4:56 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** crow dad are you online  
**ur favorite lolcat:** …  
**ur favorite lolcat:** cmon i need help

_5:39 P.M._

**Sawamura Daichi:** Sorry, practice just got out.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Suga says hi and that it was nice seeing you guys this weekend.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ohoho  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ill give you guys some privacy if you want  
**Sawamura Daichi:** We’re just walking home?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** What do you need?  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Asahi says hi too.  
**Sawamura Daichi:** Also, I’m not a dad.

_Sawamura Daichi’s nickname is now Dadchi._

**ur favorite lolcat:** whatever you say  
**Dadchi:** Change that back.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** anyways  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you didn’t hear this from me and i’ll claw you apart if you tell your team but  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i noticed this weekend. nekoma isn’t as close as karasuno is.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and i need to fix that  
**ur favorite lolcat:** besides me and kenma, it feels like we’re teammates but not friends  
**ur favorite lolcat:** working together but not playing together  
**ur favorite lolcat:** we’re cohesive but not cohesive enough  
**Dadchi:** How do I change my name back?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ill tell you if you help me  
**Dadchi:** Alright.  
**Dadchi:** How much time do you guys spend together outside of practice?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** uh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you guys do that?  
**Dadchi:** Yeah. You don’t?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** just me and kenma  
**Dadchi:** Usually we’ll get food together after evening practice. The first-years really like pork buns, so I buy them those a lot.  
**Dadchi:** And the weekend before a tournament, they generally sleep over my house.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** to practice?  
**Dadchi:** No, to watch movies and eat junk food and play video games and that sort of thing.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** isn’t that kind of hard on you  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and your wallet  
**Dadchi:** It makes them happy. Besides, my house is the only one big enough for all of us.  
**Dadchi:** Also, I’m guessing Kenma’s grades are fine, but four of our starters don’t do too well in school, so it’s my job to make sure they’re getting help.  
**Dadchi:** Oh man, Kageyama has a literature test tomorrow...  
**Dadchi:** Be right back, I have to text him.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** did you actually just type out brb  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that’s precious  
**Dadchi:** Don’t know what that means.  
**Dadchi:** I hope he learns how to study before I’m gone…  
**ur favorite lolcat:** don’t you have any second-years who could hold him to it?  
**Dadchi:** Tanaka and Nishinoya are worse than he is.  
**Dadchi:** Maybe Ennoshita.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ennoshita?  
**Dadchi:** He’s in line to be captain.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** a captain who isn’t a starter?  
**Dadchi:** He’s the leader of the second-years, and he’s good at understanding people.  
**Dadchi:** Being a good captain has nothing to do with being a good volleyball player.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** this is becoming evident  
**Dadchi:** Okay, I gave you advice, now tell me how to change my name back.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lol no way  
**Dadchi:** Kuroo.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** this is way too good  
**ur favorite lolcat:** besides its revenge  
**Dadchi:** For what?!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you and bokuto spammed the chat with 200 messages of bird facts two nights ago and thats just unforgivable  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sorry dad  
**Dadchi:** KUROO.

_9:07 P.M._

**Dadchi:** SUGA WON’T TELL ME HOW TO CHANGE MY NAME BACK.  
**HOOT HOOT:** hahahahahahaha

 

 _September 9, 2015  
_ _12:14 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** okay so about this buying your first years pork buns thing  
**Dadchi:** It doesn’t have to be pork buns.  
**Dadchi:** Just get them food.  Show that you appreciate them.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but theyre pains in the ass  
**Dadchi:** They’re your pains in the ass.  
**HOOT HOOT:** dadchi thats the most dadlike thing ive ever heard u say  
**Dadchi:** Do you guys want my help or not?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im gonna get them a communal litterbox  
**Dadchi:** Kuroo, no.

 

 _September 20, 2015  
_ _5:07 A.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** DO U KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS  
**HOOT HOOT:** DO U

_5:41 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** DOES ANYONE  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHERE IS EVERYONE

_6:16 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** YOUVE ALL BETRAYED ME

_6:47 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** ALL OF YOU  
**HOOT HOOT:** BETRAYERS

_7:05 A.M._

**Dadchi:** Bokuto, we were all asleep.  
**Dadchi:** What where you doing up at 5am?  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA DO U KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS  
**Dadchi:** September 20th?  
**HOOT HOOT:** AAAAAAARGH

_7:29 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** happy birthday bokuto  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHERE WERE U 2 HOURS AGO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** asleep  
**HOOT HOOT:** WTF  
**HOOT HOOT:** UR NO LONGER INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ill just get kenma to get akaashi to tell me where it is

_8:13 A.M._

**Dadchi:** Oh, so that’s what day it is.  
**Dadchi:** Happy birthday, Bokuto!  
**HOOT HOOT:** THANK U SAWAMURA  
**HOOT HOOT:** FOR MY PRESENT CAN U GIVE ME HINATA  
**Dadchi:** No.  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH WELL WORTH A SHOT

 

 _September 24, 2015  
_ _3:21 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** BOKUTO  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POZ4CcJILWw  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POZ4CcJILWw) **ur favorite lolcat:** FOUND THE SEQUEL  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT

_3:25 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** WHY COOL GUY  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

 _October 4, 2015  
_ _4:32 P.M._

 **Dadchi:** Hey, Kuroo.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura  
**ur favorite lolcat:** whats up  
**Dadchi:** Can you tell Kenma that Hinata is very sorry, but his phone died, and he’ll reply to his text as soon as he gets home after practice?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sure  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kenma nodded a bit  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yamamoto says to tell tanaka that he is a good man  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and that its fucking hilarious that you didnt know what a meme was  
**Dadchi:** Did you tell ALL of them?!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** maybe  
**Dadchi:** Hinata says, once again, to tell Kenma that he’s sorry.  
**Dadchi:** I told him I’d already relayed the message, but he insisted.  
**HOOT HOOT:** WTF I WANT A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM HINATA  
**Dadchi:** Hinata says he thinks you’re very cool.  
**HOOT HOOT:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** TELL HIM I THINK HES VERY COOL TOO  
**Dadchi:** He just made that excited crow noise.  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LOVE THE EXCITED CROW NOISE  
**HOOT HOOT:** TELL HIM I LOVE THE EXCITED CROW NOISE  
**Dadchi:** Okay, this is ridiculous.  I have a practice to run.  
**Dadchi:** I’m not relaying messages anymore.  
**HOOT HOOT:** NOOOOOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT HINATA  
**HOOT HOOT:** MY TINY CROW SON  
**ur favorite lolcat:** u can literally message him whenever bokuto  
**HOOT HOOT:** RIGHT NOW HIS PHONES DEAD THOUGH  
**HOOT HOOT:** D: D: D:  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro akaashi just texted me to tell you to get back to practicing  
**ur favorite lolcat:** stop angsting about ur crow son and go spike or whatever  
**HOOT HOOT:** OK I AM GOING  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT I LOVE HINATA

_7:23 P.M._

**Dadchi:** BOKUTO.  
**Dadchi:** HINATA IS NOT YOUR SON.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh no is dadchi gettin madchi  
**Dadchi:** …

_7:31 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** BRO I THINK U BROKE HIM

 

 _October 16, 2015  
_ _5:21 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** i would just like to announce  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that it is my favorite setter’s birthday  
**HOOT HOOT:** dude akaashi’s birthday is in december  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im talking about kenma  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you dumb owl  
**HOOT HOOT:** im sorry  
**HOOT HOOT:** but my setter is cuter than yours  
**ur favorite lolcat:** do u wanna GO  
**HOOT HOOT:** I HAVE 146 PICTURES OF AKAASHI RIGHT HERE ON MY PHONE  
**Dadchi:** Guys, please don’t fight.  
**Dadchi:** We all know who the real cutest setter is.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** …  
**Dadchi:** Sugawara Koushi.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** HOW DARE YOU  
**ur favorite lolcat:** COME IN HERE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** AND INSULT MY SETTER  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ON HIS BIRTHDAY  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND MY SETTER  
**Dadchi:** Okay.  I think we need to stop this.  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOU STARTED IT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** actually bokuto u started it  
**Dadchi:** Are both of you literally five years old?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yep  
**HOOT HOOT:** YEAH  
**Dadchi:** Can we just agree that we all have attractive setters?

_5:49 P.M._

**Dadchi:** Can we?  
**HOOT HOOT:** yeah ok  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but know that this is only bc bokuto and i have fought over this before  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and miyagi is too far to go just to fight someone  
**ur favorite lolcat:** at least as long as im unemployed  
**Dadchi:** … Okay?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** this isnt over sawamura

 

 _October 19, 2015  
_ _10:12 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** hey sawamura  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i hear ur team got through the miyagi prelims  
**ur favorite lolcat:** guess some of the stuff you saw at the training camp mustve really rubbed off on u huh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** or the teams in miyagi just arent as strong as the teams in tokyo B-)  
**Dadchi:** My team works very hard, I’ll have you know.  
**Dadchi:** And what … is that?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its called an emoji  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ;)  
**Dadchi:** Why is it winking at me?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it wants to jump ur bones  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i think it looks a bit like sugawara  
**HOOT HOOT:** HEYHEYHEYHEY  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH MAN SAWAMURA DOESNT KNOW WHAT EMOJI ARE  
**HOOT HOOT:** THIS IS A NEW LOW  
**Dadchi:** I don’t understand the point.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** emojis are for when you cant fully express your emotions in words  
**ur favorite lolcat:** skypes are weird af though  
**HOOT HOOT:** i like them  
**HOOT HOOT:** i like this one :D  
**ur favorite lolcat:** my favorite is :3c  
**HOOT HOOT:** nooooo  
**Dadchi:** What is that?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its a cat face  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the : are my eyes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the 3 is my mouth  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the c is my paw, which I am putting to my mouth  
**Dadchi:** I don’t really get it.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you strike me as a -_- man  
**Dadchi:** That makes no grammatical sense.  
**Dadchi:** Why are there hyphens but no words?  
**HOOT HOOT:** theyre eyes and a mouth  
**Dadchi:** No, they’re definitely hyphens?  
**HOOT HOOT:** jeez what are you ushiwaka?  
**HOOT HOOT:** use your imagination  
**Dadchi:** I guess I see it.

 

 _October 25, 2015  
_ _5:25 P.M._

 **Dadchi:** Guys, I have an announcement.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** are u and sugawara tying the knot for real?  
**Dadchi:** What?  No.  
**HOOT HOOT:** IS IT THAT KARASUNO KICKED SHIRATORIZAWA’S ASS AND WON THE MIYAGI FINALS  
**Dadchi:** Yes!  
**Dadchi:** How did you know?!  
**HOOT HOOT:** HINATA  
**HOOT HOOT:** WEVE BEEN SNAPCHATTING ALL WEEKEND

_HOOT HOOT sent a picture_

**ur favorite lolcat:** wow ive never seen so many exclamation points in one place before  
**Dadchi:** Is that … a picture of Kageyama crying?  
**HOOT HOOT:** I THINK SO  
**Dadchi:** I’d better go check on him.  
**Dadchi:** See if he’s okay.  
**HOOT HOOT:** NAH BRO I THINK HE’S JUST EXCITED  
**ur favorite lolcat:** for good reason  
**ur favorite lolcat:** karasuno hasn’t been to nationals in a while, right?  
**Dadchi:** Not since before my time.  
**Dadchi:** And if I had to admit it … I’m really excited, too.  
**Dadchi:** I remember in my first year, the captain said we’d try to go to nationals.  And it seemed like an impossible goal at the time, but he told us that if we ever had the opportunity - strong players, good teamwork - we should work as hard as we could to seize that opportunity.  
**Dadchi:** And now it’s really happened.  It feels a little surreal.  But I’m so proud of everyone on the team.  
**Dadchi:** Shit.  
**HOOT HOOT:** sawamura are you crying?  
**Dadchi:** Why would you ask that?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hes definitely crying  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dont be ashamed bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its ok to cry  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS NOT WHAT YOU TOLD ME LAST WEEK  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro u were crying over snakes  
**HOOT HOOT:** THEY DONT HAVE ANY ARMS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** anyway sawamura  
**ur favorite lolcat:** don’t get too cocky yet  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nationals is no walk in the park  
**HOOT HOOT:** YEAH!  YOU MIGHT HAVE TO FACE ONE OF US  
**Dadchi:** Don’t remind me.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** cat vs crow!  battle of the garbage heap!  on the national stage!  
**Dadchi:** That would be something, alright.  
**Dadchi:** I know our coach would love it.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ours too  
**HOOT HOOT:** EXCUSE U FUKURODANI MIGHT WIN U NEVER KNOW  
**Dadchi:** When are your spring high matches?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** they're more spread out - quarterfinals are in a few weeks, and then semifinals two weeks after them  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nekoma and fukurodani are up against each other in the semifinals if we both win our matches before that  
**HOOT HOOT:** WAIT REALLY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro dont u pay any attention to the bracket?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur the captain  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT AKAASHI’S SO MUCH BETTER AT THAT STUFF  
**Dadchi:** Well, good luck to you both.

 

 _October 27, 2015  
_ _10:38 P.M._

_Dadchi added perfectkawa ✌_

**perfectkawa ✌:** hellooooo losers  
**perfectkawa ✌:** did you miss me?  ٩(♡ε♡ )۶


	2. oikawa tooru is (not) a safe space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi pointed a warning finger at his camera. “Kuroo, aliens definitely exist. You’re outvoted on this one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who commented, bookmarked, subscribed, left kudos, and/or screamed at their screen after reading chapter one. you're all way too thirsty for oikawa. here he is
> 
> [credit for the bro joke](http://officialyachihitoka.tumblr.com/post/127755839900/bro-1-bro-do-u-know-what-my-fav-periodic-element)

_October 27, 2015  
_ _10:38 P.M._

_Dadchi added perfectkawa ✌_

**perfectkawa ✌:** hellooooo losers  
**perfectkawa ✌:** did you miss me?  ٩(♡ε♡ )۶  
**ur favorite lolcat:** what  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the  
**ur favorite lolcat:** everloving  
**HOOT HOOT:** SHIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** OIKAWA HOW DID U GET IN HERE  
**Dadchi:** I invited him.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ……  
**ur favorite lolcat:** y  
**Dadchi:** He’s also a captain.  
**Dadchi:** Isn’t this supposed to be for captains?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** this is supposed to be a safe space  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I AM A SAFE SPACE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I LOVE SPACE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THERE ARE ALIENS IN SPACE  
**HOOT HOOT:** REALLY SINCE WHEN  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THEYVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** u just have to belieeeeeeve (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))  
**HOOT HOOT:** woah how did u do that  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what?  
**HOOT HOOT:** that cool face thing!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** aliens  
**perfectkawa ✌:** โ๏∀๏ใ  
**Dadchi:** So, this is okay, right?  
**Dadchi:** That I added him.  
**Dadchi:** Sorry I didn’t ask first.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i hope u dont treat refreshing-kun like this daichi  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITS COOL  
**HOOT HOOT:** ive always wanted to talk to u bro!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** ive heard really cool things about ur setting  
**perfectkawa ✌:** (۶•̀ᴗ•́)۶  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you’re bokuto koutarou right?  
**HOOT HOOT:** YEAH THATS ME  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE INCREDIBLE SPIKER  
**HOOT HOOT:** FUKURODANI’S ACE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** iwachan saw one of your matches when he was in tokyo for a family thing once  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he said you werent bad  
**perfectkawa ✌:** v v high praise from iwachan!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** iwachan?????  
**Dadchi:** I think that’s Iwaizumi Hajime.  Seijoh’s ace.  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHHHHH  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT KIND OF SPIKES DOES HE DO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he can do a lot of different kinds!!!  he’s especially good at straights and back attacks though  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he’s really strong (╯3╰)  
**HOOT HOOT:** I BET HES NOT STRONGER THAN ME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i wouldnt be so sure about that

_perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture_

**Dadchi:** Wow, that’s …  
**Dadchi:** Very close up.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** u jealous sawamura (ʘ‿ʘ)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** why are you kissing it  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IF YOU WERE NEXT TO IWA-CHAN’S TRICEPS YOU’D BE KISSING THEM TOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** U WANNA GO OIKAWA

_HOOT HOOT sent a picture_

**Dadchi:** I feel so bad for Akaashi.  
**Dadchi:** In the background.  He looks so tortured.  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS NOT WHAT UR SUPPOSED TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS SAWAMURA  
**Dadchi:** Oh.  Sorry.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you made him come into your bathroom to take a bicep selfie?  
**HOOT HOOT:** FOCUS ON THE ACTUAL BICEPS PLZ  
**perfectkawa ✌:** well disregarding that  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what’s up with this chat title?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** where is seijoh ((((゜д゜;))))  
**HOOT HOOT:** what even is your mascot  
**HOOT HOOT:** plants?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** me, obviously  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ヽ(๏∀๏ )ﾉ  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh sorry let me fix that

_ur favorite lolcat has renamed this conversation to "cats > birds" _

**Dadchi:** Excuse you.

_Dadchi has renamed this conversation to "birds > cats" _

_perfectkawa ✌ has renamed this conversation to “alien investigation squad_ _”_

**perfectkawa ✌:** much better (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

_ur favorite lolcat has renamed this conversation to “national hot dad alliance”_

**Dadchi:** None of us are fathers, Kuroo.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** maybe not in theory  
**HOOT HOOT:** SPEAK FOR YOURSELF IM GONNA ADOPT HINATA  
**Dadchi:** OVER MY DEAD BODY.  
**HOOT HOOT:** hahaha  
**HOOT HOOT:** not a father my ASS  
**Dadchi:** Okay, NOBODY would let you adopt children.  
**HOOT HOOT:** hey now I’d be a great dad D:  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro last night you told Sawamura that during the training camp you taught hinata how to pick locks with a credit card so you could get into the kitchens and steal gummy bears  
**HOOT HOOT:** LIKE I SAID  
**HOOT HOOT:** A GREAT DAD  
**perfectkawa ✌:** guys stop spamming (*´д｀*)  
**perfectkawa ✌:** it keeps scrolling me back down to the bottom again  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like you’re not a bottom by default anyway  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HEY NOW  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you’re right  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BUT STILL, CUT IT OUT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** fine, fine

 

_October 28, 2015  
_ _2:04 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** OK I JUST STAYED UP UNTIL 2AM READING THRU ALL OF THIS BS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** COMPLETELY FORGOT TO DO MY MATH HW  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND THERE ARE NO MENTIONS OF ME IN THE CHAT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NOT EVEN ONE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THERES FOUR HUNDRED MESSAGES OF SAWAMURA TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT A MEME IS BUT NO MENTION OF ME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THERES A MENTION OF USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI BUT NO MENTION OF ME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IVE BEEN ROBBED  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ROBBED  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IM SUING ALL OF YOU  
**Dadchi:** Oikawa, go to bed.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Dadchi:** You’ll burn yourself out if you don’t get enough sleep.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** STRONG WORDS FROM SOMEONE WHO IS ALSO STILL UP  
**Dadchi:** In my case, it’s because I was actually doing my math homework.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** OH GOOD  
**perfectkawa ✌:** CAN U HELP ME UNDERSTAND INFINITE SERIES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BC I DONT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND IWACHAN IS EITHER ASLEEP OR IGNORING ME  
**Dadchi:** I don’t understand it too well myself, but I can try.  
**Dadchi:** Do you have an example problem?

_perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture_

**perfectkawa ✌:** here’s one!

_[cut for length]_

_7:56 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura daichi how are u literally an angel  
**Dadchi:** What?  
**Dadchi:** Are you confusing me with Suga?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oikawa tooru, with possibly the worst personality in miyagi prefecture  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and you still helped him out of a lurch  
**perfectkawa ✌:** um wow @ me next time?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you heard me  
**perfectkawa ✌:** whatever i understand infinite series now  
**perfectkawa ✌:** nothing can upset me  
**perfectkawa ✌:** （￣へ￣）  
**ur favorite lolcat:** star trek sucks  
**perfectkawa ✌:** OKAY WOW

 

_October 31, 2015  
_ _5:13 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** happy halloween guys!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** happy spookening  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im dressing up as an alien  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NICE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** iwa-chan says to tell you guys i’ve been an alien every year since we were six  
**ur favorite lolcat:** truly shocking  
**perfectkawa ✌:** are you dressing up?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** naw  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dinner and then watching the nightmare before christmas with my setter and my cat  
**ur favorite lolcat:** cat says hi  
**perfectkawa ✌:** tell her i say hi back!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** your setter too  
**ur favorite lolcat:** cat meowed, setter did not react  
**Dadchi:** Happy Halloween!  
**HOOT HOOT:** HI SAWAMURA ARE YOU CELEBRATING WITH KARASUNO RIGHT NOW  
**HOOT HOOT:** ILL TAKE HINATA OUT IF YOU DON’T  
**Dadchi:** Would you stop trying to steal my kids?  
**Dadchi:** And no, I’m not. That’s later.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** _> Dadchi, 5:21 p.m.  
_                            “my kids”  
                            RAISES EYEBROW  
**Dadchi:** I MEANT KOUHAIS AND YOU KNOW IT.

 

_November 7, 2015  
_ _6:52 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** KENMA IS GENTLY PATTING MY ARM  
**ur favorite lolcat:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
**perfectkawa ✌:** your setter???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** OH no she’s my cat

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**perfectkawa ✌:** aaaaaah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
**HOOT HOOT:** ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH  
**ur favorite lolcat:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**HOOT HOOT:** aah  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AAH  
**HOOT HOOT:** AHHHHHH!  
**Dadchi:** I come home to this.

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**ur favorite lolcat:** SHE’S SO CUTE  
**Dadchi:** You named your cat Kenma?  
**HOOT HOOT:** HEYHEYHEY  
**HOOT HOOT:** EVERYONE’S ONLINE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NICE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ohhhh can we call?  
**Dadchi:** On the phone?  
**Dadchi:** I don’t think I want you to have my number.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmao too late  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but no a video call  
**HOOT HOOT:** YES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** a chance for you all to see my face~? well, if you insist  
**Dadchi:** What’s a video call?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** the best thing that’ll happen to you all day, if I’m there~~~  
**Dadchi:** Somehow, I don’t believe that many tildes.  
**Dadchi:** _> ur favorite lolcat, 7:04 p.m.  
             _“lmao too late”  
What exactly do you mean by this?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** do you have a webcam and microphone?  
**Dadchi:** I think so.  
**Dadchi:** Answer my question.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** then just press the video call button  
**HOOT HOOT:** wait, I’ll host, I’ve got wired connection right now

_national hot dad alliance is now calling..._

**perfectkawa ✌:** WHAT’S GOING ON I CAN’T HEAR ANY OF YOU  
**ur favorite lolcat:** unfortunately we can still see you  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
**HOOT HOOT:** NICE KILL KUROO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** D: D: D: D:  
**perfectkawa ✌:** wait nvm figured it out

_Call ended, duration 0:45._

**HOOT HOOT:** DAMM;IT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura what did u do  
**perfectkawa ✌:** sawamuraaaa (ᗒᗩᗕ)՞

_7:13 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHERE ARE YOU SAWAMURA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** deny thy father and refuse thy name  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** havent you ever read shakespeare  
**perfectkawa ✌:** no kuroo-chan  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im not a nerd like u ( *д*):･’.::･(ｰｰ; )  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bull Shit  
**HOOT HOOT:** TELL US AGAIN ABOUT THE ALIENS IN OUTER SPACE OIKAWA  
**perfectkawa ✌:** okay i can tell ur making fun of me but aliens are definitely real  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ive seen at least thirty movies on real ufo sightings i know this for a fact  
**ur favorite lolcat:** do go on  
**Dadchi:** Hey everyone.  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURAAAAA  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ah just in time to hear my wisdom on aliens  
**Dadchi:** Sorry about that group call accidentally ending thing.  
**Dadchi:** My computer started making a weird screeching noise, so I closed it and threw it across the room.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** p sure that was just bokuto  
**HOOT HOOT:** confirmed  
**ur favorite lolcat:** try again?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oikawa can tell us about the aliens face to face

_national hot dad alliance is now calling…_

“Sawamura’s still - ah, there's the man!” Bokuto’s voice was as loud as ever, but luckily for Daichi, it had a volume control now. He ticked his computer’s volume down a few notches.

“Hey, guys. Can you see me?”

“Nope. Press the video button.”

Daichi frowned, clicking a few things at random.

“No, that’s the mute button - press it again - okay, okay, we’re good.”

“Thank god.”

One by one, the black rectangles on Daichi’s screen faded into video feeds. Bokuto was perched in a desk chair, and Kuroo was sprawled out on his stomach with his laptop in front of his face, propping his chin up in his hands. In the background, Daichi could see that both of their rooms were both disaster zones - he suddenly felt a little better about the scattered clothes thrown haphazardly around his own. Oikawa’s room, on the other hand, was impeccably neat, with organized boxers and drawers, and what might have been an ironing board in one corner. The room also featured a Star Wars wall hanging, an I WANT TO BELIEVE poster, and no fewer than four lava lamps. It was, however, lacking Oikawa.

“Where did Oikawa go?”

“He said he wanted food before he told us about aliens,” answered Kuroo. “Hold on tight, I’m moving.” Suddenly the screen was shaking as Kuroo picked up his laptop.

“AAAAAAAAA!” Bokuto cried out in mock terror.

“I got you, bro, I got you! Trust me.”

“I trust you.  You’re my rock, bro.”

“Where are we going?” asked Daichi warily.

“Just my desk, I was uncomfortable.” Kuroo settled into his chair, pulling his legs up into his chest. His taste in pajamas was really awful - he was wearing skin-tight leggings made of skin-colored fabric. Wait, that wasn’t fabric.

“... Kuroo, are you wearing pants?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“... Yeah.”

“Hey guys!”

“I have never been so glad to hear your voice,” Daichi told the recent arrival truthfully.

Teal and white fabric briefly covered his window, and then Oikawa Tooru was dropping down cross-legged into his own chair, a milk bread roll smeared with marmalade in each hand.

“Hey, Oikawa!” Bokuto waved at his camera. Oikawa beamed back.

“You guys wanted to hear about aliens, right?”

“Please, tell us,” drawled Kuroo.

If Oikawa heard the sarcasm dripping off his voice, he only smiled wider. “Well! It started with - let me grab you a link - this one painting. _The Madonna with Saint Giovannino_.”

**perfectkawa ✌:** [ http://vikings.history.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/the-madonna-with-saint-giovannino.jpg ](http://vikings.history.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/the-madonna-with-saint-giovannino.jpg)

“ _What_ is that supposed to look like if not a UFO?”

“It certainly is an object that’s unidentified and flying,” Bokuto agreed, “but that doesn’t mean it’s aliens.”

Oikawa grinned. “Aha, but what is it if it _isn’t_ aliens?”

“Even if it is, Oikawa, I don’t think one painting proves existence of aliens,” said Daichi.

He scowled. “I’m just giving you _context_. Anyway, another thing is that archaeologists have found elongated skulls that clearly don’t belong to humans or any known human ancestor. Like this one.”

**perfectkawa ✌:** <http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/09/article-2245471-166DE85F000005DC-583_634x448.jpg>

Bokuto clicked open the link, then gasped. “Whoa. Dude, that’s freaky.”

“ _Isn’t it?_ ” Oikawa was positively glowing. “And we have _no_ explanation for it! It’s clearly not terrestrial life!”

Kuroo, however, squinted at his screen. “Bro, that’s from Indiana Jones.”

“No, no,” interjected Daichi, “it looks like it’s in a museum. It must be for real.”

“I saw that movie in theaters, it’s definitely from Indiana Jones.”

Oikawa sniffed. “Well, if it’s from Indiana Jones, then call me the newer, better Harrison Ford, because the truth _is_ out there. As for confirmed sightings - okay, give me a moment, I need to get my whiteboard.” He hopped up and darted out of the frame.

“He has a _whiteboard?_ ” asked Daichi to nobody in particular. Bokuto made an I-don’t-know noise.

“Okay!” Oikawa had dragged an easel whiteboard into the view, half of which was covered by a Sharpie map of the world. He picked up a red marker. “So, the countries I’m coloring in right now are ones with more than ten confirmed sightings of UFOs or strange lights in the sky. The ones I’m going to color in blue are the ones with more than fifty.”

Bokuto whistled. “Jeez, where do you get this stuff?”

“Mostly online,” answered Oikawa, still busily drawing. “The government doesn’t want you to know what they know, so you can’t talk about it in public. I’ll send you one of the best sites.”

**perfectkawa ✌:** <http://www.truthbeknown.com/aliens.htm>

Kuroo clicked the link, and raised a doubtful eyebrow. “Something about that URL doesn’t sound too reliable.”

“It’s published on a web site,” Daichi protested. “It _has_ to be reputable.”

“And some of the astronauts who went to the _moon_ talked about seeing strange flying spacecraft alongside theirs. Even the former director of NASA said that there were aliens sighted flying next to their ships.”

“Maybe there’s a reason he’s a _former_ director,” Kuroo suggested.

Bokuto furrowed his brow, and his eyes scanned back and forth across his screen. “Bro, take a closer look at this - some of it is pretty legit.”

“Are you serious.”

“He’s right,” agreed Daichi. “If so many people on the online say so, then I believe it too.”

“This is really cool, bro,” Bokuto told Oikawa sincerely.

Oikawa returned to his seat with a smile, carefully scooting his desk chair sideways so that the map itself was visible. “I knew you guys would come around!”

Kuroo sighed. “I don’t understand.”

“Understand what? Oikawa asked. “I can explain it again if you need.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s that … How are you guys all so smart about volleyball, and yet?” Kuroo leaned back in his chair and tipped his head up, as though to ask the gods for answers.

“I won’t take criticism from someone who isn’t wearing pants,” Oikawa retorted.

“That’s a pretty fair point,” put in Daichi.

“I also painted a glow-in-the-dark star map on my ceiling with Goldilocks zone planets highlighted in silver,” said Oikawa, “but my webcam doesn’t pick it up.”

Kuroo groaned. “Oh my god, can we talk about something that’s not aliens. Like-”

He cut himself off, but not before the other three members of the call started staring at him as though he was one of the alien sightings on Oikawa’s websites.

“Like?”

Kuroo squirmed. “I don’t know. Volleyball. Boys. Girls. Memes. Why Oikawa has four lava lamps in his room.”

“You definitely had something particular in mind,” Oikawa said, “and if it’s better than aliens, I want to hear about it.”

“Literally anything is better than aliens.”

Daichi pointed a warning finger at his camera. “Kuroo, aliens definitely exist. You’re outvoted on this one.”

“Okay, but we can talk about things that _normal_ teenagers talk about. Like, I don’t know, romance - you know a lot about romance, don’t you, Sawamura?” His attempt to pass off the subject casually was a complete failure.

“You’re in a romance?” Bokuto asked.

“No! I would’ve told you, bro! But - if someone, hypothetically, _wanted_ to be-”

Daichi frowned at him. “Kuroo, what are you getting at? It’s weird that you’re flustered about something.”

“Just hypothetically.”

“This is not hypothetical,” chirped Oikawa.

“H _ypothetically_. If I hypothetically - um.”

Bokuto squinted at his screen. “Bro, are you _blushing?_ ”

“Oh my god,” Oikawa crowed with delight, “you’re redder than your jersey. If you want Sawamura’s advice on a huge gay crush, just spit it out instead of pretending you’ve got yourself under control.”

“ROASTED!” Bokuto hooted with laughter, and Kuroo buried his face in his hands. Daichi, on the other hand, seemed honestly surprised.

“Wait, Kuroo has a crush?”

Bokuto laughed harder. Oikawa groaned. Kuroo made a pitiable noise from behind his hands.

“Bro,” Bokuto said, “that took you way too long.”

“Well,” said Daichi slowly, “I don’t really know why you’re asking me about that sort of thing …”

“Sawamura, it’s kind of obvious,” Oikawa told him.

“Yeah,” Bokuto agreed, “you’re the only one of us who could answer.”

“Alright, I suppose I’ll take the compliment. I would say… If you want to attract them, be nicer.”

“I am nice,” protested Kuroo.

Daichi shook his head.  “I mean _outwardly_ nice. Smile sincerely, help your team stay refreshed, and support the younger members. It’s okay to be a little mischievous sometimes, but it’s very attractive when someone is genuinely caring - why are you guys all looking at me like that?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Bokuto hastily reassured him.

“...Okay.” Daichi shifted in his chair. “Well, I hope that helped.”

Kuroo sighed. “Thanks, Sawamura.”

“You’re welcome.” He paused for a moment before adding, “Oikawa, would you stop eating? I’m getting a lot of static from your end.”

“Can’t,” Oikawa replied through a mouthful of food, “it’s my beauty milk bread.”

“Beauty?” Kuroo snorted.

Oikawa swallowed, with difficulty. “I mean, I’m definitely the most attractive person here.” His self-assured smile had clearly never been told otherwise.

Bokuto grinned into his webcam. “Yeah? Check this out.” He hitched up the sleeve of his t-shirt and flexed, allowing the muscles to shift smoothly under his skin. “How do my biceps taste, twig-arms?”

“That’s pretty hot, bro.”

“Thanks, bro. But don’t be gay.”

Kuroo’s eyes widened. “Me? Gay? You know I’m straight, bro.”

“Just making sure, bro. We’re all straight here, right?”

“I’m the straightest.” Oikawa’s face was the picture of innocent honesty. “I’ve slept with eighteen girls this week, and it’s only Mond-”

“You’re a damn virgin,” Daichi interrupted bluntly. Oikawa gasped as Bokuto and Kuroo roared with laughter.

“I _trusted_ you!”

“Am I wrong?” Oikawa’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he closed it with a snap and glared somewhere off-screen. “That’s what I thought.”

“ _Savage,_ Sawamura.”

“Now, now, it’s all good as long as he’s straight. Because we’re all straight. And a straight bro can tell a straight bro that his arms look hot.” Kuroo smirked. “But my abs are definitely hotter.”

“Ohoho? Put your muscle mass where your mouth is.”

Kuroo stood up, sending his face out of the frame and his chest into it, then pulled up his shirt.

“NICE.” Bokuto whistled, and Kuroo swung his hips from side to side, sliding his hands down over his hipbones.

“Oh my god, cut it out,” Daichi groaned. “You’re literally the gayest.”

“Guilty as charged.” Kuroo settled back down into his desk chair. “Your turn, Sawamura.”

“Wh-what?”

“Go on, show off your best feature.”

“It’s obviously the thighs.”

“Show us the thighs that make up for Karasuno’s shitty receives, Sawamura.”  Oikawa leaned forward in his chair, grinning a smile full of half-chewed milk bread.  A few crumbs fell onto his desk.

Daichi set his jaw and glared at the rectangle on his screen that contained Oikawa. “Not if you say it like that.”

“Aw, c’mon, it’s only fair.” The logic was flawed, but Bokuto’s pout was hard to resist, and he relented.

“Ugh, fine. But give me a minute to change, I’m in long pants right now.”

“You could strip,” offered Kuroo.

“No.” Daichi clicked his video and audio feeds off, although he could still hear the conversation.

“How did you make him do that?” Kuroo demanded.

Bokuto’s grin was audible in his voice. “I’m cuter than you, bro.”

“Lies, I’m adorable.”

“Oikawa, who’s cuter, me or Kuroo?”

“Obviously I am.”

Daichi’s video feed flickered back on. “None of you are cute at all.”

“Eyyy, Sawamura! Bring it on.” Bokuto leaned forward, as if that would help him see any better.

“Okay, okay.” He stood up and tilted his camera downwards, then hitched up the legs of his shorts to show his thighs.

Several noises happened at once, all along the lines of wailing. Daichi swiftly tipped his camera back upwards. “Are you guys oka - oh my god.”

Kuroo had gotten on his knees in front of his desk and was praying. Bokuto had mock-fainted and was lying half out of the frame. There were tears in Oikawa’s eyes.

“So sculpted…” sniffled Bokuto. “I thought _Akaashi’s_ were perfect…”

_Dadchi’s nickname is now Quad God._

Kuroo crossed himself. “So, Sawamura’s legs, Oikawa’s face, my abs, Bokuto’s arms ... Together, we make one full hot person.”

“Can you really call it hot when it’s got Oikawa’s head?” Daichi asked.

“There’s not enough in Oikawa’s head to change anything significantly anyway.”

“I’m _still here_ , you know!”

“Besides, I wouldn’t contribute my legs to Frankencaptain. I need them.”

“Right, right, how could we forget about Sugawara’s claim.”

“...What?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Don’t pretend, we’ve all seen how he watches your legs.”

“Boyfriend privileges,” moaned Bokuto. “Access to Sawamura’s thighs _every day_.”

“I can’t even imagine,” agreed Kuroo.

“HOLD UP.” Daichi held up a hand. “ _Boyfriend?_ ”

The chat went quiet.  Very quiet.  Cicadas could be heard in the distance.

Finally, Bokuto ventured, “Isn’t Sugawara your boyfriend?”

“No!”  Daici’s face went very red.  Kuroo attempted to pull out his phone to document the transformation, but unfortunately, he wasn’t fast enough - the Karasuno captain switched off his video camera before he could line up the shot.

“He definitely seems like your boyfriend,” Oikawa said.  “I can tell.  My gay-dar has a ninety-nine percent success rate.”

“Yeah, you guys are, like, basically married,” Kuroo added.

Bokuto nodded, even though Daichi couldn’t see him.  “You were holding hands for the whole training camp.”

“We weren’t!” Daichi’s disembodied voice exclaimed.

“Seemed like you were.”

“Nah bro, that was just in the version of the training camp in that one dream you had,” Kuroo said.

“Oh.  Right.”  Bokuto pointed double-finger guns at his camera.  “You’ve always got my back, bro.”

Kuroo blew a kiss at his screen. “Anything for you, bro.”

_“Bro.”_

“Bro…”

_7:42 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** FOR THOSE WHO ARENT IN THE CALL  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA AND SUGAWARA AREN’T DATING  
**perfectkawa ✌:** bokuto we are literally all here!  
**HOOT HOOT:** I WANTED IT DOCUMENTED  
**HOOT HOOT:** FOR POSTERITY  
**HOOT HOOT:** ALSO: MY ARMS + KUROO’S ABS + SAWAMURA’S LEGS + OIKAWA’S FACE MAKES ONE HOT CAPTAIN  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM DOCUMENTING THIS SO THAT SCIENCE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WHEN GENETIC ENGINEERING EXPANDS TO HUMANS  
**Quad God:** Since when do you know what genetic engineering is?  
**HOOT HOOT:** HEY I GET GOOD GRADES

Daichi fizzled back on screen.  His face was still slightly red, but it had shifted from fire hydrant to something more pastel.  “Okay, but seriously, can we talk about why all of you thought I was dating Suga?”

"If you aren’t, you should be,” Oikawa told him.  “He looks at you the way I’ve been trying to catch Iwa-chan looking at me for years.”

“He _what_?”

“You never noticed?” Kuroo asked.  “Man, you’re worse than Lev.  And Lev has walked into walls multiple times.”

Daichi planted his hands on his hips. “I’m observant!”

Oikawa’s eyes widened. “You aren’t _mad_ , are you, dad? Just disappointed?”

He was thoroughly ignored. “I can tell when Asahi’s really nervous, or when Kageyama is off his game, or when Hinata’s about to throw up, or -”

“Or when Sugawara’s turned on?” Oikawa interrupted.

And Daichi’s blush returned in full force.

“Actually, wouldn’t it be kind-of hard for you to tell?” Bokuto wondered, all innocence.  “Since it usually happens when he’s behind you.”

Daichi opened his mouth, then closed it a few times.  He bore a stunning resemblance to a fish.

“Guys, we should probably stop tormenting him,” Kuroo said.  “I’m sure he’s mad enough about the lack of _sugar_ in his spice already.”

For a moment, there was silence.

“I’m leaving,” Oikawa announced.

Bokuto lunged for his computer screen.  “No, Oikawa, wait -”

Oikawa shut his laptop with a _snap_.

“Well,” Kuroo said.

“Then,” Bokuto added.

Daichi linked his hands together and stretched his arms high above his head, letting his back crack. “I should probably go too, guys. I have a paper due tomorrow.”

“Really?” Kuroo asked.  “Is it on the color of Sugawara Koushi’s eyes, and how they change in different lights and to reflect his moods? Oh, wait, no, fuck, don’t -”

Daichi shut his laptop.

Bokuto looked at Kuroo.

Kuroo looked at Bokuto.

“It’s just you and me, bro,” Bokuto said.

Bokuto put his hand over his heart. “ _Bro._ ”

“Bro, do you know what my favorite periodic element is?”

“What is it, bro?”

“ _Bromine.”_

“Bro, why?”

“Because, bro, you’re all mine.”

“ _Bro.”_

The conversation continued in a similar vein until Bokuto, who had moved to his bed, drifted off to sleep. Kuroo spent twenty minutes taking screenshots of him drooling on his pillow before a text reminded him that he did, in fact, have homework to do.

_Call ended, duration 2:08:12._

_11:21 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** tbh im very disappointed that sugawara and sawamura arent dating  
**ur favorite lolcat:** not just bc of him but also bc of me  
**ur favorite lolcat:** now i have no friends to ask for relationship advice  
**Quad God:** Okay, two things.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh shit youre awake  
**Quad God:** First: friends?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im ur friend  
**Quad God:** Are you, now?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** um yes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** what else do you call this  
**Quad God:** Tolerance?  
**Quad God:** And second: is this what you kept dancing around in the call earlier?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i wasnt DANCING AROUND anything okay  
**Quad God:** Mmhmm.  
**Quad God:** So, yes, then?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** idk dude its just  
**ur favorite lolcat:** setters  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yknow  
**Quad God:** Apparently I do.

_11:29 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** hey sawamura  
**Quad God:** Why are you messaging me outside of the group chat?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nvm  
**Quad God:** Wait, no, tell me  
**Quad God:** …  
**Quad God:** Kuroo.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmao if you insist  
**Quad God:** You knew I’d get curious, don’t pretend.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** are we friends????  
**Quad God:** I suppose so.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that doesnt sound very promising  
**Quad God:** You make fun of me a lot.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** thats what friends do!!!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im helping make u a better person  
**Quad God:** I find that hard to believe.  
**Quad God:** Also, I’m probably the last person you should ever ask for relationship advice.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im starting to realize that yeah

_12:02 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** we are friends though  
**ur favorite lolcat:** right?  
**Quad God:** We are.  
**Quad God:** Now go to sleep.

 

_November 10, 2015  
_ _8:06 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** so sawamura, hows your not-boyfriend?  
**Quad God:** Oh god. Did you _have_ to bring that up?  
**Quad God:** It’s been three whole days and I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.  
**Quad God:** Like.  
**Quad God:** I DIDN’T consider Suga in _that way_ before, at all.  
**Quad God:** But now that I am.  
**Quad God:** ARGH.  
**Quad God:** It’s not like I like him _like that_ , you know?  
**Quad God:** At least, I didn’t think I did? But I keep noticing how pretty he is.  
**Quad God:** He’s pretty, isn’t he? It’s not just me?  
**Quad God:** He’s very pretty.  
**Quad God:** And I feel really weird inside when he laughs.  
**Quad God:** I don’t get crushes very frequently, so how would I know what makes it a crush?  
**Quad God:** I’ve always prioritized my team above romance.  
**Quad God:** My team, and Suga.  
**Quad God:** ...Oh.  
**Quad God:** I’m kind of a mess, aren’t I.  
**HOOT HOOT:** LMAO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** well that was the gayest thing i’ve read all day  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i understand completely  
**ur favorite lolcat:** altho at least im a bit more self-aware than you are  
**ur favorite lolcat:** there’s something about setters  
**perfectkawa ✌:** (¬‿¬)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no not you  
**perfectkawa ✌:** MEAN (╯︵╰,)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** speaking of hot setters though  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro how’s akaashi doing  
**HOOT HOOT:** aw bro it’s not like that  
**HOOT HOOT:** I mean hes very hot but its not _like that_ yknow  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he can handle your moods, can’t he?  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro so can you  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he does it all the time  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and youre always together  
**HOOT HOOT:** i guess lmao  
**ur favorite lolcat:** :3c  
**Quad God:** Get that paw away from your mouth.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** :3                c  
**Quad God:** -_-  
**HOOT HOOT:** you’re making progress sawamura

 

_November 14th, 2015  
_ _8:39 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** HEY KUROO  
**HOOT HOOT:** IF ALIENS DONT EXIST THEN EXPLAIN _THIS  
_**HOOT HOOT:** <https://33.media.tumblr.com/0137832275d587329721abbb3468046f/tumblr_inline_mq4d5ieNls1qz4rgp.gif>[  
](https://33.media.tumblr.com/0137832275d587329721abbb3468046f/tumblr_inline_mq4d5ieNls1qz4rgp.gif)**ur favorite lolcat:** oh jesus christ  
**Quad God:** Bokuto, you know I agree with you, but I don’t think that’s real video footage.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** it’s obviously because his mom cam home and made hte spaghetti  
**perfectkawa ✌:** (*▼▽▼*)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ive made my mistakes

 

_November 17, 2015  
_ _7:02 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRUH  
**HOOT HOOT:** BROSICLE  
**HOOT HOOT:** BROTATO CHIP  
**HOOT HOOT:** BROHEMIAN RHAPSODY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** bokuto wtf the fuck are u doing  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO AND I  
**HOOT HOOT:** WE MADE PLANS FOR A BRO DATE  
**HOOT HOOT:** BC ITS HIS BIRTHDAY AND STUFF  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT HES NOT ANSWERING THE DOOR  
**Quad God:** Shouldn’t you just call him?  
**HOOT HOOT:** I TRIED THAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** MULTIPLE TIMES  
**HOOT HOOT:** I ALSO TRIED FACEBOOK TWITTER SNAPCHAT TUMBLR AND INSTAGRAM  
**perfectkawa ✌:** did u try carrier pigeon  
**HOOT HOOT:** I DID NOT  
**HOOT HOOT:** I MIGHT IF HE CONTINUES NOT ANSWERING

_7:06 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** HOW DO U TRY CARRIER PIGEON

_7:10 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROOOOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO I KNOW UR DOORBELL WORKS COME ON  
**HOOT HOOT:** I CANT BELIEVE THIS

_7:14 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** DID U GET ABDUCTED BY ONE OF OIKAWAS ALIENS OR SOMETHING  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ok first of all theyre not my aliens  
**perfectkawa ✌:** they are under the control of various alien leaders  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and second of all he better not get abducted by aliens before i do  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHATEVER

_7:17 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** KUUUUUUUUUUROOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM ALL ALONE OUT HERE AND ITS COLD  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITS COLD KUROO  
**HOOT HOOT:** I CANT BELIEVE U WOULD DO THIS TO ME  
**HOOT HOOT:** I THOUGHT U WERE MY BRO  
**HOOT HOOT:** MY BROIEST OF BROS  
**HOOT HOOT:** MY BRO SUPREME  
**ur favorite lolcat:** chill i was in the shower  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM VERY CHILL ITS 4 DEGREES OUT  
**HOOT HOOT:** IVE BEEN STANDING ON UR DOORSTEP FOR YEARS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i was only showering for like 45 minutes  
**Quad God:** That’s a pretty long shower.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i got distracted okay?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** sure kuroo  
**perfectkawa ✌:** suuuuuure  
**Quad God:** Aren’t cats supposed to be repelled by water?  
**HOOT HOOT:** NO TIME FOR SEMANTICS LET ME IN  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im naked  
**HOOT HOOT:** OK THAT SETTLES IT  
**HOOT HOOT:** WERE WATCHING GUARDIANS OF GA’HOOLE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but its MY birthday  
**HOOT HOOT:** MEANIES DONT GET TO PICK THE MOVIES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** thats true  
**perfectkawa ✌:** its why i always pick when iwachan and i watch scifi  
**Quad God:** ...  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dude i think u may have something backwards there

_8:26 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** SOMEONE TELL BOKUTO TO GET OFF ME  
**ur favorite lolcat:** HES VERY HEAVY  
**Quad God:** Bokuto, get off.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ;)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NO

 

_November 18, 2015  
_ _4:12 P.M._

**Quad God:** Would you guys mind if I added someone else to the chat?  
**HOOT HOOT:** SURE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** who?  
**Quad God:** Um.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week: ushijima wakatoshi


	3. it isn't a party without ushijima wakatoshi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SHIRATORIZAWA  
>  **perfectkawa ✌:** im  
>  **perfectkawa ✌:** i m  
>  _perfectkawa ✌ has left the group._  
>  **ur favorite lolcat:** trash that takes itself out  
>  **ur favorite lolcat:** technology is amazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (VAGUE SPOILERS FOR CH189-190 OF THE MANGA AHEAD)
> 
> SO this chapter was finished before chapter 189 was released, and going loosely off [this post](http://graychalk.tumblr.com/post/122096819081/japan-mens-high-school-volleyball-calender) we'd designed Tokyo qualifiers so that there were two spots for Tokyo teams at nationals, meaning that there were no finals and whoever won the semifinals for each bracket went to nationals. it's looking like canon is going to conflict with our bracket, in one way or another, so this chapter (and resultant events) may be edited once more of the manga is released. for now, we're just going to proceed as we were, because it'd be a real pain to keep changing the plot on the fly.
> 
> also, some of the dates might be slightly off, since we’re setting it in 2015 whereas the original storyline (judging by the calendars we’ve seen in canon) takes place in 2012.
> 
> on a different note, i (becky) have recently created [a twitter](https://twitter.com/dickaeopolis)? and i tend to livetweet the writing process so if you're interested hmu there. (betsy's is [here](https://twitter.com/owlinaminor) if you want to check that out also)

_November 18, 2015  
_ _4:12 P.M._

 **Quad God:** Would you guys mind if I added someone else to the chat?  
**HOOT HOOT:** SURE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** who?  
**Quad God:** Um.

_Quad God added USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI_

**perfectkawa ✌:** are  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you  
**perfectkawa ✌:**  kidding  
**perfectkawa ✌:**  me  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** HELLO FELLOW CAPTAINS  
**HOOT HOOT:** HELLO USHIWAKA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hello  
**ur favorite lolcat:** where did u come from  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** SHIRATORIZAWA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no i mean  
**ur favorite lolcat:** who let u into the chat  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YEAH I’D LIKE TO KNOW TOO  
**Quad God:** That would be me.  
**HOOT HOOT:** CROW DAD KEEPS PICKING UP STRAYS  
**Quad God:** I was talking to him about Nationals, and when I mentioned this chat, he said he wanted to join.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I HAVE RECENTLY BECOME INTERESTED IN LEARNING OTHER TEAMS’ STRATEGIES SO THAT I CAN IMPROVE MY OWN STRENGTHS  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I LEARNED RECENTLY THAT BRUTE FORCE IS NOT ALWAYS ENOUGH TO WIN  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** BUT I WANT TO ALWAYS WIN  
**ur favorite lolcat:** guess i can’t argue with u there  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LIKE UR STYLE USHIWAKA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wait … why were u talking to sawamura about nationals?  
**Quad God:** My team hasn’t gone before.  His has.  I asked him for information on the teams we might be up against.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ushijima wakatoshi  
**perfectkawa ✌:** doing something for someone else  
**perfectkawa ✌:** never thought id see the day  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** HELLO OIKAWA  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** IM SHARING MY KNOWLEDGE WITH SAWAMURA BECAUSE I WOULD PREFER IT IF A TEAM FROM MIYAGI COULD DO WELL AT NATIONALS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** so that u can feel less guilty about losing to karasuno  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i see how it is  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** PERHAPS IF YOU HAD GONE TO SHIRATORIZAWA WE WOULDN’T HAVE LOST TO KARASUNO  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SHIRATORIZAWA  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i m

_perfectkawa ✌ has left the group._

**ur favorite lolcat:** trash that takes itself out  
**ur favorite lolcat:** technology is amazing  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH NO OIKAWA COME BACK  
**ur favorite lolcat:** actually though come back  
**ur favorite lolcat:** theres nobody to torment bokuto with when ur gone  
**Quad God:** What about me?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur too nice to torment anyone sawamura  
**Quad God:** I suppose I’ll take that as a compliment.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** IT SOUNDED COMPLIMENTARY TO ME  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** WHY DID OIKAWA LEAVE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** chill  
**ur favorite lolcat:** why’re you shouting  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I AM TYPING  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no i mean all the capital letters  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** MY COMPUTER ONLY TYPES THIS WAY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hmmmm  
**HOOT HOOT:** weird I can’t think of any possible explanation for that  
**HOOT HOOT:** can you kuroo?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no not at all  
**ur favorite lolcat:** have u tried turning it off and turning it on again?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I WILL RESTART MY COMPUTER  
**ur favorite lolcat:** k  
**ur favorite lolcat:** while you do that

_ur favorite lolcat has added perfectkawa ✌_

**Quad God:** Hey, Oikawa.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** shut up sawamura  
**Quad God:** I haven’t even said anything yet.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** youve done plenty already  
**Quad God:** Ushijima is a good person.  He’s just trying to learn.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** u can only say that bc ur team beat him  
**HOOT HOOT:** well my team beat karasuno a whole bunch of times and sawamura’s nice to me  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah same here  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nekoma destroyed karasuno B-)  
**Quad God:** You won’t next time!  
**Quad God:** This is why we have this alliance.  So that we can help each other get stronger.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i know that but  
**perfectkawa ✌:** my team’s season is done  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT U ARENT  
**HOOT HOOT:** right?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** of course not  
**perfectkawa ✌:** volleyball hasnt seen the last of the great oikawa tooru ٩(˃̶͈̀௰˂̶͈́)و  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** DID THIS HELP  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** OH NO. IT DIDNT.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** maybe it’s cause you’re useless and awful  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** OIKAWA  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT FIND THIS RELATABLE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** IT APPPEARS TO BE RELEVANT TO BOTH OF OUR INTERESTS  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** http://aguadesalsicha666.tumblr.com/post/126753099204/when-the-farmer-gives-you-the-good-hay  
 **perfectkawa ✌:** YOU WOULD SULLY MY ALIEN MEME WITH FUCKING AGRICULTURE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I WILL TRACTOR BEAM YOUR GODDAMN BOVINE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I AM FOND OF TRACTORS  
**Quad God:** Can you two at least try to get along?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HES MAKING FUN OF ME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS  
**Quad God:** He’s trying to be nice.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HES JUST GOT YOU FOOLED INTO THINKING THAT  
**Quad God:** I’m sure you can find some common ground.  
**Quad God:** You both love volleyball and your teams.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HE DOESNT _LOVE_ HIS TEAM  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HE USES THEM  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HE THINKS WHATEVER TEAM HE’S ON IS THE STRONGEST AND NOBODY ELSE MATTERS  
**Quad God:** Ushijima, is that true?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I USED TO THINK THAT  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** NOW I AM NOT SURE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** HAVING A STRONG TEAM IS DEFINITELY RELATED TO THE STRENGTH OF INDIVIDUAL PLAYERS  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** BUT TEAMWORK IS ALSO IMPORTANT  
**perfectkawa ✌:**...  
**perfectkawa ✌:** fine **  
perfectkawa ✌:** whatever  
**HOOT HOOT:** GUYS IMAGINE IF WE WERE ALL ON THE SAME TEAM IN COLLEGE  
**HOOT HOOT:** NOW THAT WOULD REALLY BE THE STRONGEST TEAM  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh man yeah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** forget frankencaptain  
**ur favorite lolcat:** this is the real combination of strengths we need  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** FRANKENCAPTAIN?  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH MAN U WERENT THERE FOR THAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** MY ARMS. KUROOS ABS. SAWAMURAS LEGS. OIKAWAS FACE.  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE PERFECT CAPTAIN.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** why would you bring this up again  
**Quad God:** I had just gotten the image out of my mind.  
**HOOT HOOT:** ACTUALLY THAT REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING I THOUGHT OF THE OTHER DAY

_Quad God’s nickname is now Thighchi._

**perfectkawa ✌:** PERFECT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** I APPROVE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** IT SEEMS AS THOUGH YOUR CAPTAIN IS MISSING SOMETHING CRUCIAL  
**perfectkawa ✌:** really ushiwaka  
**ur favorite lolcat:** what would u suggest  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** HE NEEDS A DICK  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I WILL VOLUNTEER MINE  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOLY SHIT  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** IS THAT A YES

_perfectkawa ✌ has left the group._

_ur favorite lolcat added perfectkawa ✌._

**ur favorite lolcat:** stop that **  
Thighchi:** I think I need to go for a run.  
**Thighchi:** A long run.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** me too  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** THAT IS A GOOD IDEA  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** IT WILL HELP YOU GET STRONGER  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I WILL GO FOR A RUN TOO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bye ushiwaka  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITS JUST YOU AND ME BRO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you know what this means bro  
**HOOT HOOT:** oho?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ohoho?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ohohohoho?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ohohohohohohohohoho?

_HOOT HOOT changed the chat title to ohohohohohohohoho_

**ur favorite lolcat:** OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

_[cut for length]_

_6:48 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** what the fuck

 

 _November 22, 2015  
_ _6:05 P.M._

 **Thighchi:** I think I figured out what’s going on with Ushijima’s typing.  
**Thighchi:** Or, well, I told Suga about it and he figured it out.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NON NO NO NO NO NO  
**Thighchi:** He must have capslock on.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** CAPSLOCK?  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHY DID YOU TELL HIM  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA DO YOU CARE NOTHING ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP  
**Thighchi:** What?  
**Thighchi:** If it were me, I’d want to know.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I ASKED GOOGLE AND IT SAID THAT CAPSLOCK IS A BUTTON ON YOUR COMPUTER KEYBOARD THAT CAPITALIZES LETTERS.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Hello  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** This makes much more sense  
**HOOT HOOT:** NOOOOOOO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** rip ushiwaka’s all caps speech  
**ur favorite lolcat:** u had a good run  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but sadly its all over now  
**Thighchi:** I’m confused.  
**HOOT HOOT:** WE WERENT GONNA TELL HIM BECAUSE IT WAS HILARIOUS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** seriously sawamura i thought u were smarter than this  
**Thighchi:** Well, one of his teammates told him anyway, so he would’ve found out eventually.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no he asked google  
**Thighchi:** Isn’t that one of his teammates?  
**Thighchi:** Hinata mentioned him once.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROOS LYING  
**HOOT HOOT:** its a search engine, where you can look for answers to things online  
**ur favorite lolcat:** I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOU WERE GOING TO  
**Thighchi:** That makes more sense.  
**Thighchi:** How do I get to the Google?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ahahahahahahahaha  
**ur favorite lolcat:** here we go again  
**ur favorite lolcat:** just start typing stuff in whatever box and pressing enter, it’ll bring up results  
**Thighchi:** Alright, I’ll try it.  
**Thighchi:** japanese olympic volleyball team  
**Thighchi:** teamwork  
**Thighchi:** team building exercises  
**Thighchi:** How long does it take?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** just keep searching stuff, it’ll probably load within an hour  
**Thighchi:** public speaking techniques  
**Thighchi:** list of volleyball tempos  
**perfectkawa ✌:** before i met kuroo-chan i thought i was the meanest person i knew  
**perfectkawa ✌:** clearly not  
**Thighchi:** quadricep stretches  
**Thighchi:** sugawara koushi x reader  
**Thighchi:** Kuroo, I don’t think it’s working.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** keep trying?  
**Thighchi:** I’ll ask someone in person later. I have homework anyway.  
**Thighchi:** I guess technology just doesn’t like me.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** a damn shame

 

 _November 23, 2015  
_ _7:23 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** SOS SOS RED ALERT RED ALERT  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHATS GOIN ON BRO  
**HOOT HOOT:** I CAN BE AT NEKOMA IN 33 MINUTES IF U NEED ME  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I can be there in a considerably longer amount of time  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But I am also available.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NO I DONT NEED U GUYSI JUST NE E D  
**ur favorite lolcat:** A SMOMENT  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHATS HAPPENING  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kenma  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kozume kenma  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nekoma volleyball clubs setter  
**ur favorite lolcat:** my best friend of many years  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Youve talked about him before  
**ur favorite lolcat:** is wearing  
**ur favorite lolcat:** a dress  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOLY SHIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** PICS PICS PICS PICS PICS

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**ur favorite lolcat:** its p blurry b UT  
**HOOT HOOT:** DUDE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** I     KNOW  
**perfectkawa ✌:** woah  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ask him where he got that  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its like  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ive never thought about kenmas legs like this before  
**ur favorite lolcat:** what is it about tights  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Aren’t they just thin fabric?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** His legs must be very cold  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i dont think i can ask him much of anything right now  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ive just been staring  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shit hes gonna think im a pervert  
**perfectkawa ✌:** as he probably should §ԾᴗԾ§  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shut up oikawa  
**HOOT HOOT:** OK BUT KUROO  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** YES BRO  
**HOOT HOOT:** KENMA LOOKS RLLY GOOD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** I KNOW  
**ur favorite lolcat:** THATS WTHE WHOLE PROBLEM  
**Thighchi:** Why is everyone shouting?  
**HOOT HOOT:** KENMA IN A DRESS  
**Thighchi:** Oh.  Huh.  
**Thighchi:** He looks good.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** _I KNOW  
_**ur favorite lolcat:** why does everyone keep saying this as though i don’t already know  
**ur favorite lolcat:** as though i am not constantly tortured in every cell of my fragile body  
**ur favorite lolcat:** this image has been burned onto my brain  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i will never be able to function as a human again  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ill have to run away into the mountains and live as a hermit  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You have it bad  
**ur favorite lolcat:** I DONT NEED U TO TELL ME  
**Thighchi:** I guess we know who your hypothetical crush is on, then.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** did you seriously not get that?  
**Thighchi:** Well, he didn’t say it.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** sawamura-chan, you’re hopeless

 

 _November 24, 2015  
_ _11:19 P.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** NEKOMA AND FUKURODANI BOTH WON THEIR QUARTERFINALS TODAY  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHICH MEANS  
**HOOT HOOT:** WE’RE UP AGAINST EACH OTHER IN THE QUALIFIER SEMIFINALS  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITS _ON  
_ **HOOT HOOT:** MY SPIKES VS KUROOS BLOCKS  
**HOOT HOOT:** MY BEAUTIFUL SETTER VS KUROOS HOPELESS CRUSH  
**HOOT HOOT:** NEKOMA IS GOING DOWN  
**HOOT HOOT:** ONLY FUKURODANI WILL STAND ON THE NATIONAL STAGE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** congratulations, bokuto  
**perfectkawa ✌:** now would you take your shenanigans elsewhere  
**perfectkawa ✌:** some of us are trying to sleep ٩(╬ʘ益ʘ╬)۶  
**ur favorite lolcat:** HES ALREADY MESSAGING ME ON THREE DIFFERENT SOCIAL MEDIA AT ONCE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** DONT ENCOURAGE HIM  
**HOOT HOOT:** THERE YOU ARE YOU FUCKING FURRY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** LIKE YOU’RE ONE TO TALK  
**ur favorite lolcat:** YOU OWN AN OWL KIGURUMI  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM NOT GONNA FUCK THE KIGURUMI  
**HOOT HOOT:** MR. CATGIRL-POSTER-IN-THE-NEKOMA-CLUB-ROOM  
**ur favorite lolcat:** whatever you say, darling  
**HOOT HOOT:** of course, babycakes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sugarlips  
**HOOT HOOT:** butterbuns  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sweetie :)  
**HOOT HOOT:** fartwad  <3  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lardass  
**HOOT HOOT:** SHITSTAIN  
**ur favorite lolcat:** DICKCHEESE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** at least nekoma isn’t relying on empty posturing for victory  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it’s not like fukurodani stands a chance in the first place  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh SHIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD  
**HOOT HOOT:** DONT TALK TO ME ANYMORE KUROO

_11:27 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** AND YOU’RE WRONG

_11:38 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** REALLY WRONG  
**perfectkawa ✌:** go to bed, bokuto

 

 _December 1, 2015  
_ _10:13 A.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** HEYHEYHEY USHIWAKA  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**HOOT HOOT:** <https://www.facebook.com/AgricultureBanterPage/>[  
](https://www.facebook.com/AgricultureBanterPage/)**HOOT HOOT:** IS THIS UR KIND OF MEME  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Ohhhh  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**HOOT HOOT:** DO U JUST WANNA MOW HAY  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I just wanna mow hay  
**HOOT HOOT:** DO U MAKE IT GRAIN  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** All the time  
**perfectkawa ✌:** aren’t you both in school right now?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ARENT YOU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IM not depending on academics for my college career  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im winning that on the court  
**HOOT HOOT:** UR TALKING TO TWO OF THE TOP FIVE SPIKERS IN THE NATION  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** If anything youre the one who should be focusing  
**perfectkawa ✌:** kindly piss off ushiwaka  
**HOOT HOOT:** [https://www.facebook.com/AgricultureBanterPage/photos/a.435979059835580.1073741825.300549863378501/597194680380683/?type=3&theater](https://www.facebook.com/AgricultureBanterPage/photos/a.435979059835580.1073741825.300549863378501/597194680380683/?type=3&theater) USHIWAKA IS THIS YOU  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Definitely  
**HOOT HOOT:** man whered your farming thing even come from  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Farming is the purest form of labor  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Its a little like the meme economy  
**HOOT HOOT:** the meme economy  
**HOOT HOOT:** shit wheres kuroo when you need him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** probably paying attention in class like you two should be  
**perfectkawa ✌:** instead of filling up my notifications w this utter bullshit (¬_¬)  
**HOOT HOOT:** im gonna text him  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Our era is a golden age of meme industrialization  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Where memes are mass-produced and circulated through virtual communities  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But meme capitalism sprang from the fertile soil of organic meming  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Hardworking independent laborers who produced healthy crops of memes despite little to no institutional support  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Remember  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** No farms no memes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh my god  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ushiwaka im so glad youre here  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thanks  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The ability to write expert farming metaphors is one of my strongest skills off the court  
**perfectkawa ✌:** (ಠ_ಠ)  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i have to leave  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Or do you have to leaf?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I AM TURNING MY PHONE OFF  
**perfectkawa ✌:** GOOD BYE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nice pun ushiwaka  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thank you

 

 _December 2, 2015  
_ _10:54 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** friendly reminder that kozume kenma in a skirt will be the death of me someday  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro are u okay  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im something  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kenma told me a couple weeks ago that he doesn’t always feel like a guy, he doesn’t think he is entirely a guy, and he wants to try experimenting with gender to figure out what he is  
**ur favorite lolcat:** so today we went shopping for girls’ clothes (with his cousin, who’s being really cool about this)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and now he’s trying them on  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and im really happy that he’s figuring this out and that he feels like he can be himself around me and everything  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but i am also suffering  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you and your weird kinks  
**ur favorite lolcat:** IT;S NOT A KINK GODDAMMIT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** besides kenma doesnt like sex anyway  
**ur favorite lolcat:** HE JUST LOOKS...REALLY GOOD…  
**ur favorite lolcat:** WHAT IS IT ABOUT OUR SETTERS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he is driving me to blushing  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ME  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BLUSHING  
**perfectkawa ✌:** so you do have a heart!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah the jurys still out on yours though  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (roasted)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like i see him smiling at whatever mundane bs and i wanna kiss him into next year  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and then we will proceed to get a house in the mountains and live together and all sorts of other gay nonsense  
**Thighchi:** I know what you mean.  
**Thighchi:** I kind of want to wake up next to Suga for the rest of my life.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto what’s up  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you’ve been typing on and off for like five minutes whats going on  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ...private chat?  
**HOOT HOOT:** nah it’s fine here  
**HOOT HOOT:** you guys ever hear of aromanticism?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no…?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** nope  
**Thighchi:** Yeah.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** whaaaat? :o  
**Thighchi:** Our manager, Kiyoko, is aromantic.  
**Thighchi:** It basically means you don’t ever experience love.  
**HOOT HOOT:** i wouldn’t say it like that  
**HOOT HOOT:** i love a lot of things  
**HOOT HOOT:** but never romantically  
**perfectkawa ✌:** how do you know???  
**HOOT HOOT:** its hard to explain  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You watch movies and read books, but you never understand what they’re talking about.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** It feels like you’re missing something that everyone else gets.  
**HOOT HOOT:** i … yeah  
**HOOT HOOT:** like everyone else losing their shit laughing at a joke that you don’t think is funny  
**HOOT HOOT:** ushijima how long have you been here?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** A while.  
**Thighchi:** I didn’t realize you were …  
**Thighchi:** Also aromantic?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Im asexual.  And something else.  Related to aromantic.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Satori looked it up for me once, but I dont remember the word  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But it doesn’t really matter.  You don’t need romance to play volleyball.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** yeah! ⊂((・▽・))⊃  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you’re still a good captain and a great friend and a worthy opponent!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and my best bro  
**HOOT HOOT:** thanks guys  
**Thighchi:** And the guy who stole my #10’s senpai worship complex from me.  
**HOOT HOOT:** hell YEAH I DID  
**ur favorite lolcat:** theres the caps lock  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ahaha I was getting concerned  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN  
**perfectkawa ✌:** that’s the longest I’ve ever seen you type without using a capital letter  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** It was impressive.  
**Thighchi:** Bokuto, do you want us to stop talking about romance here?  
**Thighchi:** We would understand.  
**HOOT HOOT:** its all good  
**HOOT HOOT:** you guys just sound kind of ridiculous sometimes  
**Thighchi:** Yeah, it kind of feels that way to us, too.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** so  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you and akaashi aren't...?  
**HOOT HOOT:** nah bro  
**HOOT HOOT:**  i love the guy but its not like that  
**HOOT HOOT:** we've got something better i think :D

 

 _December 3, 2015  
_ _10:04 A.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** TWO DAYS TIL SEMIFINALS  
**HOOT HOOT:** MOTIVATIONAL VIDEOS TO WATCH BEFORE A GAME GO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaIvk1cSyG8>[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaIvk1cSyG8)**HOOT HOOT:** aww  
**HOOT HOOT:** AWWW  
**Thighchi:**<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuPLxQD4akQ>[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuPLxQD4akQ)**HOOT HOOT:** holy shit  
**Thighchi:** I memorized some quotes from that to use before games.  
**Thighchi:** Please don’t tell Hinata that.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i gotchu bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs>[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs)**perfectkawa ✌:** kuroo wtf  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Kuroo where did you get that video  
**ur favorite lolcat:** um. youtube  
**USHIIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I am going to watch it again  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** This is very motivational  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I would like to have energy legs  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I would like to ah, sports, ah  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Do you think I already ah, sports, ah?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** uh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** gonna hand this one over to oikawa seeing as ive never played against him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** fuck you kuroo

 

 _December 5, 2015  
_ _12:04 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** today is a special day  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** a cat vs owl showdown for the ages  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto, are you ready?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** pff, of course you aren’t  
**ur favorite lolcat:** who’s ever ready for defeat?  
**HOOT HOOT:** NO YOU DUMB ALLEY CAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITS AKAASHI’S BIRTHDAY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well is akaashi gonna be okay with his getting owned as a personal birthday present from me?  
**HOOT HOOT:** HE WONT HAVE TO BE  
**HOOT HOOT:** BECAUSE WE’RE GONNA SPIKE YOUR CAT ASSES INTO NEXT YEAR  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (im actually kidding i did get him a present)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (its a book on raising owls as pets)  
**HOOT HOOT:** WELL I GOT HIM  
**HOOT HOOT:** I GOT HIM  
**HOOT HOOT:** SHIT  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Bokuto, I think youd be better off worrying about your setter’s birthday after the match is over  
**HOOT HOOT:** GOOD POINT USHIWAKA!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** ILL THROW HIM A REALLY COOL VICTORY AND BIRTHDAY PARTY  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS WHAT ILL DO

_1:18 P.M._

**Thighchi:** Today’s the day, isn’t it?  
**Thighchi:** When you two get out, tell me how it went!

_4:16 P.M._

**Thighchi:** Bokuto, Hinata says you’re not answering his messages - celebrating, I presume?  
**Thighchi:** He’s really looking forward to playing against you in a real match, you know.  
**Thighchi:** I am, too.  
**Thighchi:** Although I’m sure Nekoma put up a really good fight.

_4:28 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** ah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto might not be online for a while  
**perfectkawa ✌:** fukurodani afterparty?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** not quite.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** fukurodani’s not going to nationals.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh :C  
**perfectkawa ✌:** is he really upset about it?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i don’t think that’s what he’s thinking about right now  
**ur favorite lolcat:** akaashi got knocked out during the fourth set  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh no.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he was blocking, and he got a hard spike right to the face  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it was lev, this massive wing spiker we have who doesn’t know what to do with his goddamn arms  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but that’s not important  
**ur favorite lolcat:** akaashi went down like a rock  
**ur favorite lolcat:** his neck got snapped backwards weirdly, and the nursing staff said there was no way he’d be back on the court before nationals  
**ur favorite lolcat:** idk if he’s woken up yet  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh my god  
**ur favorite lolcat:** fukurodani forfeited  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto was flipping his shit next to akaashi, and the refs and coaches kept trying to drag him back into the game  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but he stood up and gave them this terrifying glare  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and then he walked off the court  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and everyone else followed him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** don’t they have a backup setter?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i think so  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but bokuto said he didn’t want to win if akaashi wasn’t there with him  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and the rest of them agreed  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and he shook my hand under the net and told me that he’d be there in the stands at nationals  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and then he went off to the infirmary and i ddint see him after that  
**ur favorite lolcat:** *didn’t  
**ur favorite lolcat:** fuck  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shit  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ...kuroo, are you okay?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it was 2-1 fukurodani and they were 5 points ahead of us in the fourth set, they could’ve taken it easy  
**ur favorite lolcat** : they deserve to be going to nationals right now  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i should’ve forfeited then and there  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but. i looked back at the rest of the court and there was inuoka and lev and yamamoto and all the others. ready to piss themselves with excitement  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and the old man on the bench who hasn’t stopped talking about the battle at the trash heap since last spring  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and i couldn’t do it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i feel like shit  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hey, hey  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you did what was best for your team  
**perfectkawa ✌:** that’s pretty noble  
**ur favorite lolcat:** we’re riding home right now and they’re all so happy  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kenma keeps giving me this look like he knows  
**perfectkawa ✌:** kuroo, don’t take all the responsibility on your own shoulders  
**perfectkawa ✌:** bokuto chose what mattered more to him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you chose what mattered more to your team  
**perfectkawa ✌:** there’s nothing more you could’ve done

_4:33 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** kuroo?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i guess  
**ur favorite lolcat:** anyway we’re almost home, i have to go

_4:36 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** oikawa  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hmm?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** thanks

_7:16 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** heyheyhey guys  
**HOOT HOOT:** oh so you heard  
**HOOT HOOT:** akaashi’s gonna be fine  
**HOOT HOOT:** he isn’t allowed to play for eight weeks but he’s awake and he remembers who i am  
**HOOT HOOT:** kuroo, you there?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah  
**HOOT HOOT:** its all good  
**HOOT HOOT:** i mean that, bro  
**HOOT HOOT:** oikawa’s right, i knew what i was doing and so did everyone else in a fukurodani jersey  
**HOOT HOOT:** some things are more important than winning

_7:28 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** hey kuroo  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah?  
**HOOT HOOT:** wanna see a song that represents my feelings about this  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ...sure  
**HOOT HOOT:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2WH8mHJnhM>[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2WH8mHJnhM)**ur favorite lolcat:** OH MY GOD BOKUTO  
**HOOT HOOT:** NEAR  
**HOOT HOOT:** FAR  
**ur favorite lolcat:** WHYD YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER WITH MEMES  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHEREVER YOU ARE  
**HOOT HOOT:** :’)  
**HOOT HOOT:** ily bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah, yeah, yeah

 

 _December 7, 2015  
_ _5:16 P.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** so i went to visit akaashi today and hes doing better  
**HOOT HOOT:** he’s not supposed to move around much but theyre letting him read and watch tv and stuff  
**HOOT HOOT:** and he should be able to go home soon!!!!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im really glad to hear that  
**HOOT HOOT:** dude we spent like an hour watching youtube videos  
**HOOT HOOT:** i showed him cool guy AND cool guy 2 and he totally didnt get it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hes just not as swag as we are bro  
**HOOT HOOT:** i hate to say it but u might be right bro  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH AND  
**ur favorite lolcat:** WHAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** HE GOT YOUR PRESENT  
**HOOT HOOT:** HE REALLY LIKES IT  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAYS IT’S VERY TRUE TO REAL LIFE WHATEVER THAT MEANS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NICE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** so he’s not mad at me or anything?  
**HOOT HOOT:** why would he be mad at you??  
**HOOT HOOT:** mostly hes just annoyed that he cant play for so long  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh man i know how that is  
**perfectkawa ✌:** once when i had a sprained wrist iwachan had to sit on me for like half an hour to keep me from going to practice anyway  
**perfectkawa ✌:** but thats not important  
**perfectkawa ✌:** that’s really good news about your setter bokuto!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** tell him i said hi and that his team will be fine without him  
**HOOT HOOT:** i will  
**HOOT HOOT:** thanks  
**HOOT HOOT:** also sawamura

_5:21 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** sawamura?

_5:32 P.M._

**Thighchi:** Sorry, practice went really late today.  
**Thighchi:** I’m glad to hear that Akaashi’s doing better!  
**Thighchi:** Did you want to ask me something?  
**HOOT HOOT:** i just want u to know that hinatas like  
**HOOT HOOT:** the best middle blocker in the entire world  
**Thighchi:** He’s really enthusiastic, huh?  
**HOOT HOOT:** something like that  
**HOOT HOOT:** yeah  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But Hinata is short and his blocking is inconsistent?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Surely there are many better middle blockers  
**HOOT HOOT:** i wasnt talking about his volleyball skills ushiwaka  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Ah  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I think I understand  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Also, it’s good that your setter is recovering, Bokuto  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Although Ive never met him, he seems like a good player and good teammate  
**HOOT HOOT:** he is  
**HOOT HOOT:** and thank you everyone  
**HOOT HOOT:** you guys are the best  
**HOOT HOOT:** u really  
**HOOT HOOT:** meme a lot to me ;)  
**Thighchi:** Arghhhhh.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You misspelled mean  
**Thighchi:** Just go with it, Ushiwaka.

 

 _December 10, 2015  
_ _6:13 P.M._

 **Thighchi:** One of my first-years is asking me for dating advice.  
**Thighchi:** Because apparently I’m the romance expert here?  
**Thighchi:** This is so surreal.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** omg who  
**Thighchi:** I’m not going to tell you that!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmao  
**ur favorite lolcat:** they haven’t figured out how dense you are yet?  
**Thighchi:** I distinctly remember you asking me for romance advice yourself once, so I can’t be that bad.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shut  
**ur favorite lolcat:** youre as single as any of us  
**Thighchi:** IT’S NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it really is  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Wait Sawamura isnt dating Sugawara?  
**Thighchi:** Oh, no.  
**Thighchi:** Not you, too.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lol  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its kinda terrible though  
**Thighchi:** Yes.  It is.  I resent all of you for giving me the idea.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no i mean  
**ur favorite lolcat:** now i cant ask u for relationship advice  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You can ask me for relationship advice  
**Thighchi:** ???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ushiwaka what the fuck  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You want to talk to someone in a relationship, correct?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I am in a relationship. Therefore you can talk to me  
**perfectkawa ✌:** who the hell would want to be in a relationship with u  
**perfectkawa ✌:** u giant stone-faced selfish idiot  
**Thighchi:** Oikawa, calm down.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AM  
**perfectkawa ✌:** CALM  
**Thighchi:** Alright.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Tendou Satori.  One of the middle blockers on my team.  We spend a great deal of time together and occasionally that time is engaged in sexual exploits  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** That is what you would call a relationship, correct?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i never thought id be this interested in ushijima wakatoshi’s sex life but  
**ur favorite lolcat:** tell us more  
**HOOT HOOT:** WAIT HOLD UP BACK UP  
**HOOT HOOT:** USHIWAKA IN A RELATIONSHIP  
**HOOT HOOT:** ????!!!!!!!!!  
**Thighchi:** Ushijima, didn’t you say you were asexual?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I am.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But sex feels good.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** And Satori is very understanding of when I do and don’t want to have it. Our relationship isn’t very traditional  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** In retrospect perhaps you would be better off looking for advice elsewhere, Kuroo  
**HOOT HOOT:** wait let me get this straight  
**HOOT HOOT:** so you and this tendou guy are like  
**HOOT HOOT:** close friends who sometimes bone????  
**HOOT HOOT:** but not in a super romantic way??????  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** That’s pretty much the idea, yes  
**HOOT HOOT:** huh.

 

 _December 16, 2015  
_ _9:33 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura  
**Thighchi:** Kuroo.  
**Thighchi:** Why the private chat?  
**Thighchi:** Do you need advice on team bonding exercises again?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i have … a Proposal  
**Thighchi:** Should I be concerned?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no i think youll like this  
**Thighchi:** Okay?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** a deal of sorts  
**ur favorite lolcat:** to put an end to our emotional strife  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (or maybe increase it who knows lol)  
**Thighchi:** So, what are we doing, exactly?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** simple  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ill ask out my setter if u ask out urs

_9:41 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura?  
**Thighchi:** Sorry, I was thinking.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** about?  
**Thighchi:** Suga’s smile.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** …  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro  
**Thighchi:** Okay, let’s do this.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** is that a yes???!!!  
**Thighchi:** It’s a hell yes.

 

 _December 22, 2015  
_ _7:02 P.M._

 **Thighchi:** WHATS UP FAM  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH SAWAMURA  
**Thighchi:** D:  
**Thighchi:** I told this idiot you’d figure it out!  
**Thighchi:** HEY!  
**Thighchi:** okay, it’s me again now!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHO IS “ME”  
**Thighchi:** geez it’s a bit early in the night for questions like that!!!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** …chibi-chan?  
**Thighchi:** we’re all here!!!!!!! all the first-years, i mean  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you have Sawamura’s phone?  
**Thighchi:** lololol we took it out of his bag  
**Thighchi:** we’re getting food after practice since it’s our last day before break  
**Thighchi:** he hasn’t noticed us yet shhhhhhh  
**perfectkawa ✌:** doesn’t he have a password?  
**Thighchi:** he does!!!!  
**Thighchi:** it’s 7842  
**Thighchi:** S-U-G-A  
**HOOT HOOT:** HI HINATA  
**HOOT HOOT:** AW THATS ADORABLE  
**Thighchi:** BOKUTO-SAN  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOURE ADORABLE  
**Thighchi:** This is Tsukishima now.  
**HOOT HOOT:** LESS ADORABLE  
**Thighchi:** Now it’s Kageyama again.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** the cutest of cute kouhais ＼(≧▽≦)／  
**perfectkawa ✌:** …  
**HOOT HOOT:** you broke him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** haha he’s been typing for a solid minute  
**perfectkawa ✌:** trying to verbalize how much worse he is than me in every possible way  
**HOOT HOOT:** aw bro  
**HOOT HOOT:** that’s just mean D:  
**Thighchi:** SOS HE SAW US  
**Thighchi:** BYE BOKUTO-SAN  
**Thighchi:** BYE SHITTYKAWA

_7:26 P.M._

**Thighchi:** Please ignore all of that.  
**Thighchi:** On a completely unrelated note, does anybody have good ideas for vengeance?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hello you called  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh dammit i missed hinata and tsukki?  
**HOOT HOOT:** you could add them on here bro!  
**HOOT HOOT:** me and hinata video call all the time  
**perfectkawa ✌:** whaaaaat?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** why don’t I have a cute karasuno kouhai too?! (ノ°Д°)ノ  
**ur favorite lolcat:** _> perfectkawa ✌, 6:35 p.m.  
_                            “trying to verbalize how much worse he is than me in every possible way”  
                            this is why  
**perfectkawa ✌:** TOBIO-CHAN ISN’T CUTE ANYWAY  
**Thighchi:** Dammit, I need to change my password now.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** how about 568744  
**perfectkawa ✌:** K-O-U-S-H-I  
**Thighchi:** Oh, thanks!  
**Thighchi:** Okay, done.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh my god  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nobody will ever guess  
**Thighchi:** But seriously, revenge plans?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hmmm idk you could only buy them ONE pork bun each instead of TWO  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro no that’s too harsh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh come on  
**ur favorite lolcat:** when’s the last time either of us bought our team ANY pork buns  
**HOOT HOOT:** but they’re conditioned to two pork buns  
**HOOT HOOT:** it’d make ME sad  
**perfectkawa ✌:** everything makes you sad  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what if you and suga were embarrassingly pda?  
**Thighchi:** OH THAT’S PERFECT.  
**Thighchi:** But give me a few hours first.  
**HOOT HOOT:** for what???  
**Thighchi:** You’ll see.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ;)  
**HOOT HOOT:** ohh mysterious  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO WHAT DO YOU KNOW  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you’ll seeeeeeee  
**HOOT HOOT:** >.<

_8:50 P.M._

_Thighchi’s name is now Mr. Sugawara Daichi._

**perfectkawa ✌:** lmaoooooooo  
**HOOT HOOT:** TWICE IN ONE NIGHT  
**HOOT HOOT:** HINATA IM SO PROUD

 

_11:08 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Hey, guys, I’ve got news!  
**HOOT HOOT:** sawamura im gonna take pity on you cause nobody else here will  
**HOOT HOOT:** someone changed your name again  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** That’s the news, actually.  
**HOOT HOOT:** it’s news that your first-years figured out your phone password?  
**HOOT HOOT:** (TELL HINATA I LOVE HIM)  
**perfectkawa ✌:** (are you dying?)  
**HOOT HOOT:** (NO I JUST LOVE HINATA)  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** (I will. He’ll be happy.)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it probably wasn’t difficult  
**ur favorite lolcat:** literally every password you have is some variant of suga’s name  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** It wasn’t them. It was me.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Daichi you messed up your last name  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Its Sawamura  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** No, no, it was intentional.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Suga and I started dating.  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** DEETS  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** After practice, we were walking back home, and after Asahi split off, I asked Suga to keep walking with me for a while, and he said “of course”.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And we walked up the mountain to one of the overlooks, and we sat there and looked at the stars, and I asked him if I could bounce some thoughts off him, and he said, “of course”.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And I told him that he’s beautiful and kind and intelligent and I don’t know what I’d do without him. And that he’s always meant the world to me, but that I’ve recently realized it was in a romantic way. And then I asked him if he would be my boyfriend.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And he said, “of course”.  
**HOOT HOOT:** AWWWWW  
**HOOT HOOT:** OMG  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wow  
**perfectkawa ✌:** that’s...incredibly irritating  
**perfectkawa ✌:** right out of a fairy tale ლ(ಠ益ಠ)ლ  
**ur favorite lolcat:** congrats sawamura thats pretty gay  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** You’re literally the gayest person here.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** excuse you  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ill have you know  
**ur favorite lolcat:** there’s a beautiful lady lying on my bed in nothing but a fur coat _right now  
_ **ur favorite lolcat:** and she is practically _purring_ for my attention  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND YOU’RE ON SKYPE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bros before hoes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** want pics  
**HOOT HOOT:** I MEAN  
**HOOT HOOT:** ONLY IF SHES OKAY WITH IT…

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**ur favorite lolcat:** she meowed her assent  
**perfectkawa ✌:** goddammit

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Okay, okay, we get it, your cat is cute.

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**ur favorite lolcat:** she is so cute  
**HOOT HOOT:** aww  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the only lady i need in my life  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but anyway  
**ur favorite lolcat:** congratulations sawamura!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** congratulations or whatever  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Thanks! He says your cat is cute, Kuroo.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** …  
**HOOT HOOT:** ……………  
**perfectkawa ✌:** dont you guys have school tomorrow?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Yes. But we often stay over at each others’ houses on school nights.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Now there’s just more cuddling involved.  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH MY GOD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** DAICHI GET OUT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** GET  
**perfectkawa ✌:** OUT

 

 _December 24th, 2015  
_ _10:08 A.M._

 **perfectkawa ✌:** merry christmas everyone (*^ω^)  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Merry christmas  
**perfectkawa ✌:**  not you.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Merry christmas to everyone who isnt Oikawa  
**perfectkawa ✌:**  holy shit

_10:41 A.M._

**Thighchi:** Merry Christmas Eve!

_11:14 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** MERRY SHITSCRAM  
**HOOT HOOT:** MERRY SHITSCRAM MERRY SHITSCRAM MERRY SHITSCRAM  
**ur favorite lolcat:** SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM  
**HOOT HOOT:** SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM SHITSCRAM

_[cut for length]_

_5:38 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Why do you guys always do this.  
**HOOT HOOT:** MERRY SHITSCRAM EVE SAWAMURA HOWS YOUR BF  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** BF?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it means boyfriend  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oh! My vice captain.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He’s here right now, actually!  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** We’re going for a walk to look at Christmas lights, and then we’re going to watch Love Actually.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I know you can’t see him, but he’s wearing a scarf.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** this is significant?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He just looks really nice in a scarf.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** You’d understand if you saw him.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and im sure afterwards youre going to get a hotel room and make sweet love together all night  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Ah… It’s a bit soon for that, isn’t it?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** We’re taking things pretty slowly. We’ve already been this close for years, there’s no rush.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you guys are gross  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** What, why?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ugh nvm  
**ur favorite lolcat:** me and kenma are going to watch nightmare before christmas  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Isn't that a Halloween movie?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its tradition  
**perfectkawa ✌:** well iwa-chan and i are going to drink hot cocoa and snuggle on the couch and watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas SO  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Have fun?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WE WILL  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS???  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO, BRO, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT IM THINKING  
**ur favorite lolcat:** are you thinking that someone in this chat seems p Grinchy himself rn?  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOURE A MEAN ONE MR. OIKAWA  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WTF  
**ur favorite lolcat:** YOURE AS CHARMING AS AN EEL  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOUVE GOT GARLIC IN YOUR SOUL  
**perfectkawa ✌:** UGH WHATEVER  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AT LEAST IWA-CHAN THINKS IM CHARMING  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOURE A BAD BANANA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** STINK  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** >Iwaizumi Hajime, 5:51 p.m.  
                                   “Please tell Oikawa I can see his screen and I wouldn’t touch him with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole.”  
**HOOT HOOT:** STANK  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THIS IS CYBERBULLYING  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IM BEING CYBERBULLIED  
**ur favorite lolcat:** STUNK  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Theyre just telling the truth  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IM LEAVING

 

 _December 27, 2015  
_ _10:49 P.M._

 **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:**  Kuroo.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** You mentioned in the group chat that Kenma’s staying over tomorrow night.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** aaaaaaaaa  
**ur favorite lolcat:** daichi this may have been a bad idea  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** It was YOUR idea.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** IVE HAD LOTS OF BAD IDEAS  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And you’ve acted on all of them, so you can act on this one too.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Go get em.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** thats...oddly motivational  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ok lets do this  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Let's do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week: and you thought it couldn't get any gayer


	4. gay (et al)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **perfectkawa ✌:** the xxfilies  
>  **perfectkawa ✌:** th xffiles  
>  **perfectkawa ✌:** th xifiils  
>  **perfectkawa ✌:** THE XXF LES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR STAR WARS EPISODES 3, 4, AND 7. to skip the 7 spoilers, ctrl f from "KUROO AND BOKUTO I CAN TALK TO YOU AGAIN" to "Excuse me, I think I missed something"
> 
> also, please note the updated misc tags section. one of our goals for this fic was that everyone get drunk in the chat at least once and we are well on our way there w this chapter
> 
> credit is due to [our local kenma enthusiast](http://maximilien-de-brobespierre.tumblr.com), [our local x files enthusiast](http://thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee.tumblr.com), and william shakespeare for some source material. you'll know it when you get to it.
> 
> and finally, betsy would like to lowkey advertise her ushiten fic, [miracle boy wakatoshi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5580169). an event described in passing in this chapter is a reference to part of that fic. (reading that fic is by no means necessary to read this chapter, but betsy is trying to make ushiten canon through sheer willpower, so it'd be cool if you read it anyway.)

_December 28th, 2015  
_ _9:12 P.M._

 **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Kuroo, I meant to mention earlier.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh no  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Your turn.  
**HOOT HOOT:** ???  
**HOOT HOOT:** IS THIS THE SAME SHIT AS THE OTHER NIGHT  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOURE KILLING ME HERE WHATS GOING ON  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Kuroo and I made a pact to ask our setters out.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I did my part. And I know Kenma is there right now.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** So.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** okay okay you caught me detectivechi  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i was tryna slink around all sneaky and sly  
**HOOT HOOT:** DEETS DEETS DEETS DEETS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** not you too  >.<  
**ur favorite lolcat:** not yet  
**ur favorite lolcat:** don’t worry bro we’re both still single together  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i was gonna i swear  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Excuses already?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** EXCUSES ARE ALL THERE ARE  
**HOOT HOOT:** oh man  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ouch  
**HOOT HOOT:** he sunk his own ship just to kill the captain  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kenma fell asleep  
**perfectkawa ✌:** wake him up, stupid!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** it’s only like 9:15  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well, see, kenma and i decided to get drunk  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but kenma fell asleep after like one glass of wine  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it was a regular glass, though, not a wine glass, so i’m not sure how much that is  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he’s asleep on my bed  
**ur favorite lolcat:** which, we always share the bed, we were planning to share the bed tonight anyway  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dude i’m just. looking at him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** this is gross (;¬_¬)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he’s absolutely adorable  
**ur favorite lolcat:** people don’t realize about kenma  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he doesn’t try to do anything, ever  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but when he does he’s so good at it  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hold up, are you using apostrophes?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** who are you and where is kuroo  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i may have decided to drink the rest of the bottle  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it may have been a big bottle  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH SHIT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i may be drunk as fuck  
**HOOT HOOT:** ACCEPTABLE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** first of all  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i love you so much  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOURE NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOURE DRUNK ARE YOU  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i am so serious  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you are my brother from another mother  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you inspire me  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO…  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO SAME THOUGH  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh my god bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i admire you so much  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you are so good with people you always know exactly what they need  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you are so full of love  
**HOOT HOOT:** I;M TEARING UP  
**HOOT HOOT:** BROH MY GOD  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO…  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i love you bro i love you so much  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO I LOVE YOU TOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT KENMA THOUGH I CANT HANDLE MUCH MORE OF THIS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** anything for you bro literally anything  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ok kenma though  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like  
**ur favorite lolcat:** how is he so good at video games???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i have never won a game of mario kart with kozume kenma  
**ur favorite lolcat:** in my entire life  
**ur favorite lolcat:** why is that so cute  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he bleached his hair but he hasn’t dyed his roots in over a year  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but it looks GOOD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it’s all spread across my pillow right now  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i’m not gonna take a picture because that would be creepy but i promise you he is so cute  
**ur favorite lolcat:** guys i know he seems like he doesn’t try to do anything but he’s really interested in some stuff!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** mostly chibi-chan and dragon age inquisition  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but still  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he was snuggled up to me earlier before he fell asleep  
**ur favorite lolcat:** actually it might have been after he fell asleep  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but he was snuggled up to me  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and he was playing dragon age and i was stroking his hair  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i forget where i was going with this  
**perfectkawa ✌:** 10/10  
**ur favorite lolcat:** HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HIM SNEEZE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he sneezes like a tiny kitten and then he looks so surprised about it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he’s a lot like a cat  
**ur favorite lolcat:** so am i but i’m like the cat that gets a fish skeleton stuck on its head in the garbage can  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kenma is the cat that pretends it’s apathetic but then it’s around you 98% of the time  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and just happens to casually walk up to the door when you get home  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and coincidentally follows you when you move between rooms  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he’s really smart! and sometimes when he outwits me he smiles  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and it’s so cute  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it’s very small but i can see it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** SOMETIMES HE SITS WITH HIS FEET AND HIS HANDS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like the butterfly stretch  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but like kitten paws  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that didn’t make sense did it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** IT’S CUTE OKAY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i saw him drop his phone on his face once and it was the cutest thing i’ve ever seen in my life  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he looks really good in red and black but sometimes i think about him in like  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like the fukurodani uniform or something, something black and white, with his pretty hair  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (have i mentioned how soft his hair is?)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and his eyes like cat eyes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you guys know he’s really shy right?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he’s not rude he’s just really anxious around people  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he cares a lot about people’s opinions  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i hope he knows i love him  
**ur favorite lolcat:** guys i think about him before i go to sleep sometimes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** is that not the gayest shit you’ve heard all day  
**perfectkawa ✌:** that’s pretty gay  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wow.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I thought _I_ was head-over-heels.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the day i change my skype name to mr. kozume tetsurou is the day they carry me off in a coffin  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oikawa, do you know how to change Skype nicknames?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** DONT BRING ME INTO THIS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** good man  
**perfectkawa ✌:** kuroo, where are you right now???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** my room?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** where in your room  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i’m at my desk  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you should go to bed  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it’s not even 10 yet  
**perfectkawa ✌:** does kenma usually get cuddly in his sleep?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ...oh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he does  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like a leech  
**perfectkawa ✌:** soooooooooooo  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he wakes up in your arms  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and then you confess your undying love for him!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and then...another person in this chat is in a disgustingly sweet relationship  
**perfectkawa ✌:** wait maybe this is a bad idea  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no actually that’s great  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oikawa you’re a bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** broikawa?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no that sounds like a vegetable  
**ur favorite lolcat:** anyway thanks i’m going to do that  
**perfectkawa ✌:** why must i be so beautiful  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and yet have lapses in judgment like these

 

 _December 29, 2015  
_ _10:10 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** gooooooooooooood morning  
**HOOT HOOT:** HE LIVES  
**HOOT HOOT:** first things first, hangover?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nah i was chuggin water  
**HOOT HOOT:** EXCELLENT THEN HOW’D IT GO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** yes, tell us, are you in a mushy gross relationship too now?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** idk i might be able to tell you coherently if SOMEONE would stop nuzzling my chest  
**HOOT HOOT:** AYYYYY THAT’S A YES  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hell yeah it is  
**ur favorite lolcat:** guys he was so cute about it too  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i asked him if he wanted to go out with me and he said we go places together all the time  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and i told him i meant like being boyfriends bc i like him in a romantic way  
**ur favorite lolcat:** AND HE STARTED BLUSHING  
**ur favorite lolcat:** AND HE SAID YES RLY QUIETLY AND THEN HE SHOVED HIS FACE INTO MY CHEST  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hes so cute  
**perfectkawa ✌:** thats disgusting  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmao jealous???  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ohhhhhhh thats a yes  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hahahahahaha  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF UR STUPID MORNINGS AND WAKING UP SMILING UR DUMB SMILES AT EACH OTHER  
**ur favorite lolcat:** who said anything about smiling 8]  
**ur favorite lolcat:** besides this is partially ur doing  
**perfectkawa ✌:** PISS OFF  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Question.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shoot  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Why is your typing better drunk than it is sober?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dont even hate  
**perfectkawa ✌:** more important question  
**perfectkawa ✌:** do you get gayer with alcohol, or are you always that gay and you just can’t cover it up when you’re drunk?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ALRIGHT WE BOTH KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** honestly i came out to have a good time  
**HOOT HOOT:** DONT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and im feeling so attacked right now  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ohhhhhhh my god

 

 _December 31, 2015  
_ _10:46 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** happy birthday to our favorite dad  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Is it your father’s birthday today, Kuroo?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its sawamuras  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But he is not a father  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Is he?  
**HOOT HOOT:** HEYHEYHEYHEY  
**HOOT HOOT:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAWAMURA  
**HOOT HOOT:** and ushiwaka hes totally a dad  
**HOOT HOOT:** havent u seen how he interacts with his team?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I thought that was just how good captains behaved  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hahahahaha  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no  
**ur favorite lolcat:** not that sawamura isnt a good captain  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** What makes him a dad?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** something about how he has to discipline all the rowdy underclassmen on his team  
**HOOT HOOT:** according to hinata most of the team has accidentally called him dad before  
**ur favorite lolcat:** half the music he listens to is classic rock  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hes completely hopeless with the internet  
**ur favorite lolcat:** at training camp he would come into the dorm to ask me something during rest hour and then leave the door slightly open when he left  
**HOOT HOOT:** hes told me “because i said so” like SEVEN TIMES  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Fascinating 

_6:01 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** OKAY BOKUTO DID YOU TELL HINATA ABOUT THIS WHOLE DAD THING?  
**HOOT HOOT:** … no?  
**HOOT HOOT:** why?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Look at what the team got me for a birthday present.

_Mr. Sugawara Daichi sent a picture_

**HOOT HOOT:** OH MY GOD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** SAWAMURA ARE U USING IT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** pls tell me ur using it right now  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Of course I’m using it.  
**HOOT HOOT:** YESSSSSSS  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Oh, so this is why the others call you a dad  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I still don’t fully get it, but...  
**perfectkawa ✌:** um they bought you a custom mousepad with a picture of them and the caption “world’s best dad”  
**perfectkawa ✌:** just accept your fate  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Okay, okay.

 

 _January 1, 2016  
_ _12:01 A.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i cant believe its finally 2017  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I thought it was 2016?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh my god  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ushiwaka  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dont u understand memes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I do understand memes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Calling it 2017 when it is in fact 2016 is not a meme  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and why not?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** It isnt funny  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHHHHHHHHHHH  
**HOOT HOOT:** NICE KILL USHIWAKA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BRO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro you know i love you but i can appreciate a good roast when i see one  
**HOOT HOOT:** and that was an excellent roast  
**HOOT HOOT:** roasted like extra dark coffee beans  
**HOOT HOOT:** roasted like a fine cut of beef  
**ur favorite lolcat:** why do i even try 

_2:14 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** wtf  
**perfectkawa ✌:** why were any of u online at midnight  
**perfectkawa ✌:** dont u have better stuff to do  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I wasn’t online.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Suga and I were making out.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NOBODY ASKED TO HEAR ABOUT UR LOVE LIFE SAWAMURA  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Sorry.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** no you arent  >.<  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Okay, you’re right about that. 

_3:47 A.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Suga looks really nice asleep in the moonlight.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** His hair is glowing softly, like a halo, and he’s got this tiny smile on his face.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He just looks so peaceful.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’m really lucky.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura pls take ur gay self somewhere else  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ^^^^^^^^^

 

 _January 5, 2015  
_ _9:17 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** hey oikawa  
**ur favorite lolcat:** have you seen star wars yet  
**perfectkawa ✌:** don’t.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** DARE.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you don’t mind spoilers, do you?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i will murder you  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i will tear you into pieces  
**ur favorite lolcat:** so...no?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** cause me and bokuto went to the midnight premiere  
**ur favorite lolcat:** we can tell you EVERYTHING  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i will BLOCK YOU  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lol doesn’t affect group chats  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ok so first off kylo ren’s parents  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BYE IM NOT COMING BACK ON SKYPE UNTIL IVE SEEN IT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

 _January 9, 2015  
_ _3:48 P.M._

 **perfectkawa ✌:** OKAY I SAW STAR WARS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** KUROO AND BOKUTO I CAN TALK TO YOU AGAIN  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHHH!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT DID YOU THINK  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IT WAS CERTAINLY A STAR WAR  
**perfectkawa ✌:** although im not sure it can beat a new hope or return of the jedi  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i mean obviously much better than the prequels but that goes without saying  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i liked all of the nods to the original trilogy, and it’s interesting how they’re expanding the world more with this one  
**perfectkawa ✌:** some parts were definitely quite predictable though  
**HOOT HOOT:** DID U CRY WHEN HAN SOLO DIED  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i did i can’t deny it  
**perfectkawa ✌:** how am i supposed to be the newer better harrison ford when there is no harrison ford to be newer and better than  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im a little annoyed at the casting choice for kylo ren though  
**perfectkawa ✌:** like, he doesnt look anything like carrie fisher OR harrison ford  
**perfectkawa ✌:** who did this  
**HOOT HOOT:** DONT U MEAN  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOOOOOO DID THIS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i dont actually  
**HOOT HOOT:** oh  
**perfectkawa ✌:** just like  
**perfectkawa ✌:** if u want me to feel emotional attachment to this weird emo nerd bc he’s han and leia’s son  
**perfectkawa ✌:** make me believe that he’s han and leia’s son  
**ur favorite lolcat:** of course  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oikawa would care about appearances more than anything else  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hey!  i care about more than just appearances!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** the guys a good actor or whatever  
**perfectkawa ✌:** but i think the movie needs to be believable  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its a movie about an epic space fantasy battle with light swords  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its already so far from believable  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ok first of all theyre called lightsabers  
**perfectkawa ✌:** not light swords  
**perfectkawa ✌:** light SABERS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** saber (noun) - a heavy, one-edged sword, usually slightly curved, used especially by cavalry  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ITS NOT THE SAME OKAY  
**HOOT HOOT:** isnt kylo ren supposed to look like anakin?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** …  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hahaha did you seriously miss that  
**perfectkawa ✌:** POT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND  
**perfectkawa ✌:** KETTLE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Excuse me, I think I missed something  
**HOOT HOOT:** yeah ushiwaka?  
**HOOT HOOT:** whats up?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** What is this star war you’re all talking about?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HAVE YOU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NEVER  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SEEN  
**perfectkawa ✌:** STAR WARS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I don’t think so?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I don’t think I’ve seen them either.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WE ARE WATCHING STAR WARS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** STARTING WITH A NEW HOPE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** RIGHT HERE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** RIGHT NOW  
**perfectkawa ✌:** GO TO THE BATHROOM AND GET YOUR SNACKS NOW WHILE I GRAB MY DVDS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BC UR IN FOR A WILD RIDE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But I have homework to do this weekend  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO YOU DONT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YOU ONLY HAVE STAR WARS  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I have a date with Suga later.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YOULL JUST HAVE TO CANCEL IT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oikawa chill  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HOW CAN I CHILL WHEN FRIENDS OF MINE HAVE NEVER SEEN STAR WARS  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM DOWN  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LOVE STAR WARS  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wait … we’re your friends?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS OTHERWISE YES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** except ushiwaka who can fuck off  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Rude  
**perfectkawa ✌:** JUST GET YOURSELF SOME POPCORN  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** How are you planning on all of us watching it when you’re the only one with DVDs?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** unlike you i know something about technology  
**perfectkawa ✌:** [ https://rabb.it/r/afjdks  
](https://rabb.it/r/afjdks)**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Okay. 

_4:01 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** ohhhhhhhh  
**perfectkawa ✌:** the opening crawl  
**perfectkawa ✌:** this is kind of legendary  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro are you crying???  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** maybe  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ...yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Its just yellow words  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I have to agree with Ushiwaka here.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** shut up and read 

_4:06 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** THERES BABE  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wait, sorry, who is that?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** princess leia!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shes sure got some  
**ur favorite lolcat:** TIGHT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BUNS  
**HOOT HOOT:** AYYYY UP TOP  
**ur favorite lolcat:** B-]  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SHUT UP YOURE A HOMOSEXUAL  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i appreciate a nifty hairdo what can i say 

_4:33 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oh, his dad is dead?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** That’s pretty sad…  
**HOOT HOOT:** sure is  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Everybody should have a good dad in their life.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Maybe Obi-Wan can be his new dad  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well  
**perfectkawa ✌:** DONT YOU DARE KUROO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** fine  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** ???  
**perfectkawa ✌:** nothing, nothing 

_4:37 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** can’t believe he’s complaining about being taken on a journey to learn the ways of the Force  
**perfectkawa ✌:** whiny little shit  
**HOOT HOOT:** what no dude  
**HOOT HOOT:** luke is great D:  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he’s so useless.  
**HOOT HOOT:** nooooooo he has such a good heart  
**HOOT HOOT:** and beautiful eyes  
**HOOT HOOT:** and a pretty smile  
**HOOT HOOT:** and a sensual voice  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THATS your reasoning?!?!?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i mean  
**ur favorite lolcat:** being eye candy is technically still a purpose  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Guys, can you keep it down? 

_4:48 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** AND HERE HE IS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THE MAN HIMSELF  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you had a crush on him didn’t you  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**HOOT HOOT:** you HAVE a crush on him?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** MAYBE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YES 

_5:17 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Is she flirting with him by calling him short?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** um  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Are they going to date?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** They’re going to date, aren’t they.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ah  
**HOOT HOOT:** hell yeah they are  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** They seem like they are going to date  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Tendou is here also and he says they’re going to date  
**HOOT HOOT:** tendou is definitely right  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wait didnt you say you had homework this weekend  
**ur favorite lolcat:** why is your s.o. there  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** He doesnt tend-to tell me in advance when hes coming over  
**HOOT HOOT:** WAS THAT A PUN  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Maybe  
**HOOT HOOT:** USHIWAKA I LOVE U  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thanks 

_5:21 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wait, there was a tentacle monster in their GARBAGE CHUTE?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** They just threw a live tentacle monster into the trash?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** That’s so irresponsible.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** see this is why they need Finn  
**ur favorite lolcat:** for sanitation  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Finn?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** we’ll get there sawamura just watch  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Actually, I have to go; Suga’s here.  
**HOOT HOOT:** CASUAL  
**perfectkawa ✌:** weak  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Jealous?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** GO ON YOUR FUCKING DATE ALREADY SAWAMURA  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WE HAVE HAN SOLO WHOS MUCH PRETTIER  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Excuse me?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Did you just suggest that someone is prettier than Suga?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro just go its not worth it 

_5:25 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Never mind.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HE DUMPED YOU???  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** What? No.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He wants to watch Star Wars too.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** So we’re both here. Say hi.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BUT HE CANT START FROM THE MIDDLE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HE WONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** No, he’s seen it before.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** okay  
**perfectkawa ✌:** that’s more acceptable  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ask him who his favorite character is  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He says it’s JarJar Binks.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** whAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT WHY  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He says he’s kidding and that it’s R2-D2.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh thank god  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I hope you know I don’t understand any of this.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** thats fine 

_5:32 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** RIP IN PEACE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Great whos going to be his dad now 

_5:58 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Are - are they getting married?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** who?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Han and Luke?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hahahahahahaha  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I agree, this looks a lot like a wedding  
**perfectkawa ✌:** theyre getting medals of honor  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no, luke dates leia, remember?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh yeah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** can’t believe you forgot 

_6:01 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Okay, that was better than I expected.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** o(^▽^)o  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you’re going to watch the next two, right?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** At some point, yes.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Suga says to tell you guys that he’s making me watch them the weekend after next.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** excellent  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Kuroo, he says good luck at Nationals.  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH YEAH THOSE ARE NEXT WEEK  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮  
**ur favorite lolcat** : ushiwaka youve been quiet  
**ur favorite lolcat** : what did you think?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** if you dont like it just go ahead and say so (◕‿◕✿)  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** They shouldve given it a better name  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The stars arent even fighting each other  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BYE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmao  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LIKE YOU A LOT USHIWAKA

 

 _January 11, 2016  
_ _3:02 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** have you guys ever thought about shakespeare?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like, really thought about him  
**ur favorite lolcat:** were reading 12th night in my english lit class and its ridiculously hard and everyone hates it but like … i dont really?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i actually really like it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** shakespeare was such a guy. lyrical beauty and great dick jokes **  
ur favorite lolcat:** theres a man i could get behind me **  
ur favorite lolcat:** not saying id fuck shakespeare but **  
ur favorite lolcat:** ok actually though  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “sir, I have not you by the hand.”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “it’s dry, sir.”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry. but what's your jest?”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “a dry jest, sir.”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “are you full of them?”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** “ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NICE KILL MARIA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** she could probably kick my ass  
**ur favorite lolcat:** id let her  
**ur favorite lolcat:** none of us could write puns this good  
**ur favorite lolcat:** theres like...all these metaphors and shit its mad deep  
**ur favorite lolcat:**  this guy puts on these ridiculous yellow tights bc he thinks itll impress this girl he likes and i think THATS some kind of metaphor  
**ur favorite lolcat:** do u think i would look good in yellow tights  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nobody answer that  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he has the sickest rhymes like they rhyme at the end of lines but also in the middle of them???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like what the fuck  
**ur favorite lolcat:** theres also cool gender stuff  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like viola is a girl but also a dude? kinda like kenma i think  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i wish everything didnt end up straight in the end but i can overlook some mistakes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** literally just  
**ur favorite lolcat:** just read this shit  
**ur favorite lolcat: “** 'tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white  
                            nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:  
                            lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,  
                            if you will lead these graces to the grave  
                            and leave the world no copy.”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** god damn  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its a thing...but he talks about it like a human??? and u still know exactly what hes on about  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wow  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ive never liked english lit this much before but like  
**ur favorite lolcat:** theyre all great and you want them to find love  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but is what theyre feeling love or is it infatuation? how can you tell the difference? what is billy shakes trying to tell us  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he asks this question right. and its like, the central question of the play  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but he asks it with the voice of the fool which is like a symbol i think and i just  
******ur favorite lolcat:** i just  
**ur favorite lolcat:** what is love?  
**HOOT HOOT:** BABY DON’T HURT ME

_3:25 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** bro?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur  
**ur favorite lolcat:** not wrong  
**HOOT HOOT:**  :D

_5:19 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** ok kuroo youre never allowed to make fun of me for being a space nerd ever again  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i absolutely am  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur way worse  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WELL STAR WARS IS WAY COOLER THAN THIS SHAKES GUY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** excuse me  
**ur favorite lolcat:** do u wanna go  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YEAH I DO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SEIJOH V NEKOMA  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NEXT SATURDAY 9AM  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well see how ur serves do against our infinite receives  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YEAH WE WILL  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Guys, please go to bed.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YOU GO TO BED  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I actually just woke up.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** …  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im gonna go get some coffee  
**perfectkawa ✌:** me too  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** COFFEE IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE FOR SLEEP.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ok dad 

_7:42 A.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Those puns are quite impressive.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** As is that speech  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thank you for sharing, Kuroo  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur welcome  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nice to know someone else appreciates shakespeare

_8:03 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** NERD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** SHUT UP  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i was doing my HOMEWORK  
**ur favorite lolcat:**  ok u know what im gonna make you too intimidated to make fun of me  
**HOOT HOOT:**  bro how

_ur favorite lolcat changed their icon_

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Is… Is that my thighs?  
**HOOT HOOT:** hmm

_HOOT HOOT changed their icon_

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** What the fuck actually  
**HOOT HOOT:** NO PERIOD AT THE END  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE CROW IS GETTIN RILED  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Your icon is my SHOULDERS.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NICE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oikawa get in on this

_perfectkawa ✌ changed their icon_

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oh my god.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im still going to make fun of you kuroo

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture._

**ur favorite lolcat:** make fun of THIS  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Did you have to send it in high resolution?

_11:02 A.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I am confused  
**ur favorite lolcat:** join the party ushiwaka  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:**  Okay

 _USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI_ _changed their icon_

 **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Okay, how do you even have that picture??  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The video of our match  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oh my god.

_ur favorite lolcat has renamed this conversation to “sawamura body squad 2k16”_

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** This is ridiculous.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:**  It feels like I'm talking to my own legs.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** theyre the kind of legs that could talk back  
**HOOT HOOT:**  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 _January 13, 2016  
_ _6:02 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Kuroo.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** day one  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** It begins.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** did u look at the bracket?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I did.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** if karasuno wins two matches  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And Nekoma wins two matches.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and  
**HOOT HOOT:** DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** idk bro what do u think it means  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE MATCH  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE NEKOMA KARASUNO MATCH  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE ONE YOUR COACHES HAVE WANTED FOREVER  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** You mean Cat vs Crow: Battle at the Trash Heap.  
**HOOT HOOT:** IT EVEN HAS AN OFFICIAL TITLE OH MY GOD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ive literally never seen our coach this excited  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Same here.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Both young and old Ukais think this will be a battle for the ages.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And the kids are excited, too - Hinata made that crow noise for ten minutes straight when he saw the bracket, and Tanaka has ripped his shirt off three times on this bus ride alone.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh man how is that bus ride  
**ur favorite lolcat:** u ready to kill something yet?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I think everyone is trying too hard to focus to be really hard to handle.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And Hinata hasn’t puked yet!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yet  
**HOOT HOOT:** HINATA CAN PUKE ON ME WHEN HE GETS HERE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dude thats gross 

_8:55 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** sawamura  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Yes?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** good luck or whatever  
**perfectkawa ✌:** give miyagi a good reputation  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’m sure few people’s serves will be as hard to receive as yours, Oikawa.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** If Karasuno beat Shiratorizawa, Karasuno should be able to beat many of the teams at Nationals  
**ur favorite lolcat:** beat many teams so that we can make the battle at the trash heap a reality  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but no pressure  
**HOOT HOOT:** ILL BE THERE IN THE STANDS  
**HOOT HOOT:** NOT NECESSARILY YOUR STANDS BUT I WILL BE THERE IN SOME STANDS  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Thanks, guys.

 

 _January 15, 2016  
_ _9:17 P.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** CAT VS CROW BATTLE AT THE TRASH HEAP  
**HOOT HOOT:** FINALLY HAPPENING AFTER LITERAL YEARS  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHOS EXCITED  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’m excited.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** To put those cats in their place.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** (Their place being the litter box.)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** weve beaten u before we can do it again  
**HOOT HOOT:** NO OFFENSE SAWAMURA BUT IM CHEERING FOR NEKOMA ON THIS ONE  
**HOOT HOOT:** EXCEPT FOR WHEN HINATA MAKES A SPIKE  
**HOOT HOOT:** I WILL ALWAYS CHEER FOR HINATA  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND FOR TSUKISHIMA  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND FOR YOU  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND FOR SUGAWARA 

_9:23 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** CAN YOU CHEER FOR TWO TEAMS  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You can, but your voice will probably give out  
**HOOT HOOT:** DO U KNOW THAT FROM EXPERIENCE USHIWAKA  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** No  
**HOOT HOOT:** THEN IM GONNA TRY IT ANYWAY

 

 _January 16, 2016  
_ _8:54 A.M._

 **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I wouldn’t be offended if you didn’t cheer for Karasuno, Bokuto.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** When we played Shiratorizawa, they had at least ten times the number of fans that we did, but we still won.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** That reminder was unnecessary  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oh, was it?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Sorry, I have to go, we’re starting our warm-ups.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** good luck sawamura  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur gonna need it  
**HOOT HOOT:** GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU 

_9:25 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** OHOHOHOLY SHIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** IS THAT OIKAWA TOORU I SEE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** no  
**HOOT HOOT:** THEN WHO IS THAT DASHING SETTER IN A GREEN JACKET  
**HOOT HOOT:** DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STADIUM FROM ME  
**HOOT HOOT:** SITTING NEXT TO IWAIZUMI HAJIME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** we were in tokyo because we had college interviews yesterday okay!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHATEVER U SAY DUDE  
**HOOT HOOT:** OOH!  YOU SHOULD COME SIT WITH ME AND AKAASHI!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** no way  
**HOOT HOOT:** PLEASE  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITD BE A REAL PARTY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what part of no way dont you understand  
**HOOT HOOT:** WE’RE GOING OVER THERE

_9:43 A.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Does your offer extend to captains of other teams, Bokuto?  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHICH OFFER  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The sitting together offer  
**HOOT HOOT:** YES OF COURSE!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** WAIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** USHIWAKA ARE U HERE TOO???  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Along with several other members of my team  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** We wanted our underclassmen to get a good idea of what theyll be up against next year  
**perfectkawa ✌:** so you guys really are trying to strategize more huh  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** We are  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHERE ARE U I DONT SEE YOU  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Across from and to the right of you, I think  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Ill wave  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHH!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** SHIT USHIWAKA UR EVEN SCARIER IN PERSON  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thanks  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The neck brace is a good look for Akaashi  
**HOOT HOOT:** he says thanks  
**HOOT HOOT:** COME OVER  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Okay

 _1_ _0:08 A.M._

 **perfectkawa ✌:** help  
**perfectkawa ✌:** bokuto and this middle blocker from shiratorizawa havent stopped yelling in each others faces for half an hour  
**perfectkawa ✌:** the memes are growing exponentially  
**perfectkawa ✌:** EXPONENTIALLY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHY IS NOBODY ELSE ONLINE IN MY HOUR OF NEED

_10:12 A.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Tendou and Bokuto get along well  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I fail to see the problem with this

_10:17 A.M._

_perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture_

**perfectkawa ✌:** i know that the only people who could help are on the court right now  
**perfectkawa ✌:** but please save me  
**HOOT HOOT:** HAHA THAT SELFIE IS A TRAINWRECK  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Oikawa why do you look so distressed?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** TAKE A WILD FUCKING GUESS USHIWAKA-CHAN 

_10:36 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** SCORE IS CURRENTLY 20-23 KARASUNO-NEKOMA IN THE 2ND SET I REPEAT 20-23 IN THE 2ND SET, 1-0 KARASUNO OVERALL  
**HOOT HOOT:** HINATAS SERVE  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND I LOVE MY CROW SON BUT BOY OH BOY IS THIS GONNA BE A TRAINWRECK  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT WAIT!!!  HINATAS SWITCHING OUT!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITS THE FRECKLED KID WHATS HIS NAME TSUKKIS FRIEND  
**HOOT HOOT:** YAMAGUCHI!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** YAMAGUCHI GETS READY  
**HOOT HOOT:** SUGAWARA AND THE OTHER PLAYERS ON THE BENCH DO ONE HELL OF A CHEER  
**HOOT HOOT:** BET SAWAMURA WISHES SUGAWARA DID THAT FOR HIM ALL THE TIME  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND YAMAGUCHI SERVES!!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** ONE HELL OF A JUMP FLOAT SERVE  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT KUROO RECEIVES IT!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS MY BRO!!!!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** KENMA SETS  
**HOOT HOOT:** YAMAMOTO SPIKES  
**HOOT HOOT:** NISHINOYA RECEIVES IN THE LAST SECOND MAN OH MAN  
**HOOT HOOT:** TANAKA COVERS  
**HOOT HOOT:** KAGEYAMAS GONNA SET  
**HOOT HOOT:** MAN THAT FIRST YEAR IS TERRIFYING IN GAMES YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SEE THE GEARS IN HIS HEAD FLYING  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHERES HE GONNA TOSS WHOS HE GONNA TOSS TO I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND SAWAMURA DRIVES IT  HOME HO LY SHIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** POINT TO KARASUNO!!!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** bokuto why are you doing this  
**perfectkawa ✌:** literally everyone is either playing in the match or watching it  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM DOCUMENTING  
**HOOT HOOT:** FOR POSTERITY  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Don’t they have video cameras for that?  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH YEAH  
**perfectkawa ✌:** also why are we doing this when we’re sitting literally five feet away from each other  
**HOOT HOOT:** I DONT KNOW WHY ARE U SUCH AN ASSHOLE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i am not a asfsaas;dlkfj  
**perfectkawa ✌:** jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hello ev   eryone id like to stat efor the recor rddsa that i aaaam an asshole  
**perfectkawa ✌:** alss o i  
**perfectkawa ✌:** iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
**perfectkawa ✌:** bokuto wtf  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im turning my phone off  
**HOOT HOOT:** :D  
**HOOT HOOT:** AAAAAAAAND NEKOMA TAKES THE SECOND SET WITH A KILL BLOCK NICE ONE KUROO  
**HOOT HOOT:** KNEW MY BRO HAD THIS  
**HOOT HOOT:** hinata looks like hes getting tired should i bring him an energy bar  
**HOOT HOOT:** wait but if he threw up during the game they’d probably take him out  
**HOOT HOOT:** am i being a good dad  
**HOOT HOOT:** wheres sawamura when you need him 

_11:22 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** OK OIKAWAS GONNA BE MAD AT ME BUT I GOTTA RECORD THIS  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE THIRD SET HAS BEEN GOING FOR LIKE FORTY MINUTES AND THEYRE DEUCED AT 28-27 NEKOMA  
**HOOT HOOT:** YAMAMOTO GOES TO SPIKE  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT WHOS THAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** TSUKISHIMA WITH THE UMBRELLA BLOCK FROM THE FUCKIN SKY  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOLY SHIT KUROO WHAT DID YOU TEACH THAT KID  
**HOOT HOOT:** _IM_ SCARED AND IM NOT EVEN ON THE COURT  
**HOOT HOOT:** TIED AT 28 HOLY SHIT IM GOING TO DIE  
**HOOT HOOT:** AZUMANE SERVES  
**HOOT HOOT:** RIGHT TO LEV  
**HOOT HOOT:** _OUCH  
_**HOOT HOOT:** 29-28 KARASUNO  
**HOOT HOOT:** TO BE FAIR TO LEV AZUMANE IS TERRIFYING  
**HOOT HOOT:** AZUMANE SERVES AGAIN  
**HOOT HOOT:** LEV RECEIVES IT THIS TIME  
**HOOT HOOT:** BARELY  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO COVERS  
**HOOT HOOT:** KENMA SENDS IT TO KAI  
**HOOT HOOT:** NOYA DIVES   BUT  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOLY SHIT 29-29. HOLY SHIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** FUKUNAGA SERVES  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND THERES OUR MAN TO RECEIVE IT  
**HOOT HOOT:** GO SAWAMURA GOGOGOOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** HE SENDS IT TO THEIR LIBERO WHO  
**HOOT HOOT:** SETS IT???  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS NEW  
**HOOT HOOT:** NICE KILL AZUMANE 30-29  
**HOOT HOOT:** TSUKISHIMA SERVES  
**HOOT HOOT:** SORRY TSUKKI BUT YAKU’S GOT THIS EASY  
**HOOT HOOT:** KENMA SENDS IT UP  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO SPIKES IT LIKE ITS PUNCH  
**HOOT HOOT:** _BUT THERES THAT WILD LIBERO AGAIN SHIT TOO HOT HOT DAMN  
_**HOOT HOOT:** AND KAGEYAMA GOES TO SET IT TO NUMBER FI  
**HOOT HOOT:** WAIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT THE FUCK  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH MY GOD.  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH MY GOD  
**HOOT HOOT:** I HAVE TO GO 

_11:36 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** holy shit 236 unread messages  
**ur favorite lolcat:** we missed a party  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE PARTY WAS ON THE COURT I THINK 

_11:43 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto have u ever heard of a lowercase letter  
**HOOT HOOT:** I EXIST IN CAPS LOCK  
**HOOT HOOT:** THAT WAS A HELL OF A MATCH BRO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** remember when you told tsukki he sucked at volleyball  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH YEAH  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOU ATE THOSE WORDS HUH  
**ur favorite lolcat:** they were YOUR words, you dipshit  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh man hes never gonna let me live this down  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ever  
**perfectkawa ✌:** sorry, explain?  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH YOU WERENT AT THE TRAINING CAMP  
**HOOT HOOT:** ME AND KUROO TAUGHT KARASUNOS GLASSES KUN HOW TO BLOCK  
**perfectkawa ✌:** does someone that tall even have anything to learn  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ;)  
**perfectkawa ✌:** well you taught him pretty well i guess  
**perfectkawa ✌:** “when I left you...I was but the learner”  
**perfectkawa ✌:** “now I am the master”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah, yeah, my own Padawan struck me down, whatever  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what, no comeback for my sick burn?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you know who else got sick burned  
**ur favorite lolcat:** anakin  
**perfectkawa ✌:** OK TOO FAR  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hahahahaha  
**ur favorite lolcat:** roasted  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (get it)  
**perfectkawa ✌:** OH FUCK YOU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** at least _I_ didnt get out-blocked by a first-year I _trained  
_**perfectkawa ✌:** hes not on your team why would you even do that  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BC IM NICE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you are not  
**ur favorite lolcat:** I AM  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im a good person  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he was a little shit about it too  
**ur favorite lolcat:** why did bokuto get the adorable kouhai who worships the ground he walks on and i got this lanky asshole  
**perfectkawa ✌:** _you’re_ a lanky asshole  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ok youre right about that  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and bokuto is _actually_ nice  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that too  
**HOOT HOOT:** aw  
**HOOT HOOT:** SPEAKING OF HINATA  
**HOOT HOOT:** _HOLY SHIT  
_**ur favorite lolcat:** Y EAH  
**ur favorite lolcat:** honestly i wouldn’t believe it if i hadn’t been there  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like, _right_ there  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i think my fingertips still hurt  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im not even angry tbh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** like  
**ur favorite lolcat:** if youre gonna lose  
**ur favorite lolcat:** losing to hinatas spike in a 31-29 deuce is not a bad way to go out  
**ur favorite lolcat:** didnt think chibi-chan had it in him  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOUR MISTAKE  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS MY SON YKNOW  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no child of yours would be smart enough to bounce a spike off my fingertips  
**HOOT HOOT:** CANT HEAR YOU  
**HOOT HOOT:** TOO PROUD OF MY SON  
**HOOT HOOT:** DID U SEE HIM WHEN IT LANDED  
**HOOT HOOT:** HE WAS YELLING  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND CRYING  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i was there yes  
**HOOT HOOT:** I ALMOST CRIED TOO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** course you did  
**HOOT HOOT:** what did kenma say to him? i saw them talking afterwards  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dunno  
**HOOT HOOT:** i think kenma was smiling  
**HOOT HOOT:** it was kind of disconcerting  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i overheard him say something along the lines of ‘you were right’  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hell if i know what it meant  
**ur favorite lolcat:** my own S.O.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (HES MY S.O. AAAAAA)  
**HOOT HOOT:** (HELL YEAH!!!)  
**HOOT HOOT:** (thats gay bro)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (hell yeah)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** my own S.O.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and chibi-chan’s still the only one who can get him worked up  
**ur favorite lolcat:** kageyama killed it too, oikawa  
**perfectkawa ✌:** why are you telling me  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hes your protege isnt he  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what  
**perfectkawa ✌:** no  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you were rooting for him weren’t you  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i was NOT  
**HOOT HOOT:** HES LYING I WAS THERE  
**HOOT HOOT:** HE GOT SO EXCITED WHEN KAGEYAMA DID THAT SETTER DUMP  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I DID NOT  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOU DID  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Bokuto is right  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I was there too  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SHIT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LURKING  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Im three people away from you  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You can see clearly im on my phone  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THAT DOESNT NECESSARILY MEAN YOURE ON SKYPE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You were excited about Kageyamas success  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I understand your feelings  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** He is an excellent setter  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Your former kouhai did well  
**perfectkawa ✌:** PISS OFF  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BOKUTO GOT EXCITED DURING THE SECOND SET AND ACCIDENTALLY PUNCHED AKAASHI IN THE FACE  
**HOOT HOOT:** _BRO  
_**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto you asshole  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IF IM GOING DOWN IM TAKING YOU ALL DOWN WITH ME  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOLY SHIT 0 CHILL  
**ur favorite lolcat:** how is akaashi doing??? aside from being punched  
**HOOT HOOT:** HES AWESOME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hes too calm for bokuto  
**perfectkawa ✌:** too pretty too  >.<  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM VERY PRETTY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** youre beautiful bro  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im still the prettiest  
**HOOT HOOT:** HAVENT WE BEEN OVER THIS  
**ur favorite lolcat:** where are you guys now?  
**HOOT HOOT:** were still chillin in the stands  
**HOOT HOOT:** WANNA JOIN US FOR KARASUNOS GAME THIS AFTERNOON  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sure  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its gonna be just me, though  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the rest of nekoma is heading home after lunch, theyre dead tired and pretty down  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im the first one out of the locker room otherwise id be paying attention to them and not skype  
**HOOT HOOT:** aw  
**ur favorite lolcat:** smh theyre taking ages  
**ur favorite lolcat:** how long does it take to change your damn clothing  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you’re such a mom  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh nah yaku is definitely the mom  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im the cool dad who plays classic rock and picks them up from school in a mercedes-benz  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i’m pretty sure you’re the dad who makes them walk home from school and tells them how when you were their age it was 10 miles uphill both ways  
**ur favorite lolcat:** alright well youre the dad who still dresses like its the 1980s even though its 2016  
**perfectkawa ✌:** UM EXCUSE YOU i think im the hot dad you find making out w your friend in the kitchen at 2am when youre having a slumber party  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmao bullshit  
**ur favorite lolcat:** anyway i have to go, i think i can hear them finishing in there  
**ur favorite lolcat:** time for the “you did good theres always next year” talk  
**HOOT HOOT:** COME FIND US AFTER LUNCH  
**perfectkawa ✌:** um, excuse me, “us”?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Im staying  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IM NOT  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO :(  
**perfectkawa ✌:** no  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ...ugh  
**perfectkawa ✌:** fine  
**HOOT HOOT:** YES  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hahahahaha  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sorry bro, shouldve warned you how powerful his puppy-dog eyes are irl  
**ur favorite lolcat:** (ok i really do have to go now ttyl)  
**perfectkawa ✌:** but ONLY if you promise not to document the next match in this chat  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro :(  
**HOOT HOOT:** its for posterity  
**perfectkawa ✌:** start a note on your phone or something, i don’t care  
**perfectkawa ✌:** just don’t spam the group  
**perfectkawa ✌:** otherwise im going home  
**HOOT HOOT:** alriiiiiiiight  
**HOOT HOOT:** JUST FOR YOU BRO  
**HOOT HOOT:** ANYTHING FOR YOU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

_4:53 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wow, that’s … a lot of missed messages.  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** GOOD GAME MAN  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You fought valiantly  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** That team was in the top four last year  
**perfectkawa ✌:** damn  
**perfectkawa ✌:** thats some tough shit  
**perfectkawa ✌:** karasuno put up a good fight though  
**perfectkawa ✌:** your defense is actually worth mentioning now  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah cause TSUKISHIMA KEI FINALLY STEPPED UP HIS GAME  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro his team literally beat urs not 6 hours ago  
**ur favorite lolcat:** doesnt mean he didnt do a good job  
**ur favorite lolcat:** also i just ran into his older brother  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i hadnt even known tsukishima _had_ an older brother  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he seems like a cool dude. from what i could gather between his proud crying  
**HOOT HOOT:** WTF I WANT TO MEET TSUKISHIMAS BROTHER  
**HOOT HOOT:** ALSO WHERE DID SAWAMURA GO  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Here.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Sorry, had to find Asahi a tissue.  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA WHERE ARE U  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** In … this group chat?  
**HOOT HOOT:** NO  
**HOOT HOOT:** IN THE STADIUM  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Outside one of the locker rooms, waiting for my team.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** We’re heading back soon.  
**HOOT HOOT:** NO  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** No?  
**HOOT HOOT:** U CANT LEAVE YET  
**HOOT HOOT:** NOT WITHOUT A HUG FROM ME  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I can’t hold the bus, Bokuto.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** dont lie to us dadchi  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you absolutely can  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Are you coming, too?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** is that even a question  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I am also coming  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and me  
**perfectkawa ✌:** not entirely sure why but  
**perfectkawa ✌:** here i am  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** … Wow.  
**HOOT HOOT:** ARE U REALLY SO SURPRISED THAT WED WANT TO GIVE YOU VICTORY HUGS  
**HOOT HOOT:** OR THAT ID WANT TO GIVE YOU A VICTORY HUG  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE OTHERS JUST WANT TO GIVE VICTORY HANDSHAKES OR SOMETHING IDK  
**HOOT HOOT:** ANYWAY  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHICH LOCKER ROOM  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** 12

_11:42 P.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I just read through all of the messages from earlier.  I’m going to try to reply to everything and everyone all at once, if that’s okay.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Bokuto, thank you for cheering on both teams.  I can’t speak for everyone at Karasuno, but I could definitely hear you.  And thank you for documenting parts of the match with Nekoma - even though I’ll be able to watch the video of it, it was strangely really, really nice to re-read all of that.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Kuroo, thank you for a good match.  It was a battle our teams waited years for, and I think we upheld our legacies well.  I hope your coach is as proud as mine is.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oikawa and Ushijima, thank you for coming to watch.  I wasn’t expecting either of you to come, but it was great to have your support.  It was also nice to meet both Iwaizumi and Tendou off of the court, even though it was only for a few seconds.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Today has been a ridiculously long day, and I’m almost falling asleep typing this.  But I wanted to thank all of you for being there.

_11:47 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA UR SUCH A ;;;  
**HOOT HOOT:** SUCH A GOOD DAD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** honestly its not surprising karasuno did as well as they did  
**ur favorite lolcat:** just look at their captain  
**HOOT HOOT:** YEAH REALLY 

_11:56 P.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Sawamura, Tendou says it was nice to see you, too.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** iwachan said the same thing  
**perfectkawa ✌:** although apparently sawamura and iwachan have been talking over skype for a while too????  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and i didnt realize??????  
**ur favorite lolcat:** what is it oikawa  
**ur favorite lolcat:** are u concerned ur best friend will find a new best friend better than you in every conceivable way?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** OK GOODNIGHT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmao  
**ur favorite lolcat:** gnight, oikawa  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sleep tight  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro you never tell me to sleep tight :(  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sleep tight, bokuto  
**HOOT HOOT:** :D :D :D  <3 zzzzz

 

 _January 23, 2016  
_ _10:26 P.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** GUYSSSSSSSS  
**HOOT HOOT:** I WANTED TO TEL LYOU  
**HOOT HOOT:** I;;;;;;LVOE OVLLELYBALL  
**HOOT HOOT:** ADN YOU  
**HOOT HOOT:** SO MUCH…………..  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** ???  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOURE SO BEAUITUFLFJL  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM EAN WIES  
**HOOT HOOT:** TAHTS WHAT  INEANTM  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:**?????????  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sup bokuto  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** ...Is he drunk?!?!?!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** in all honesty i have no idea  
**ur favorite lolcat:** this is very close to his regular personality  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM INTOXICNATED  
**ur favorite lolcat:** there it is  
**HOOT HOOT:** I   MMMM  
**HOOT HOOT:** DRINK  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Drink?  
**HOOT HOOT:** DRINKKKKKKK

_ur favorite lolcat has renamed this conversation to “DRINK”_

_HOOT HOOT has renamed this conversation to “DRIDNAKGSDGLA;;;;;;”_

_HOOT HOOT changed the conversation picture_

**ur favorite lolcat:** is that  
**ur favorite lolcat:** is that the challenge accepted meme  
**HOOT HOOT:** YOUD ONT  LIKE IT??????????????  
**HOOT HOOT:** ????????????

_HOOT HOOT changed the conversation picture._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** It’s… A blurry picture of Akaashi.

_HOOT HOOT changed the conversation picture._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** It’s… Another blurry picture of Akaashi, at a slightly different angle.  
**HOOT HOOT:** CAUSE HESH MY ANGKEL  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lol gay  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Why are you “drink”, Bokuto?  
**HOOT HOOT:** AKAASSSSHI IS HERKE TOOL  
**HOOT HOOT:** *TOO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that's hardly the most concerning typo there  
**HOOT HOOT:** WE’LREB GERADUITNAGN  
**HOOT HOOT:** I MEAN I AM  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** What, right now?  
**HOOT HOOT:** SON  
**HOOT HOOT:** *SOON  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM DIRNKING MY FLEELNGS  
**HOOT HOOT:** AKASHIH ISB DIRNKIGN EBCAUSE  
**HOOT HOOT:** PEER SPRUESUSRE  
**HOOT HOOT:** OUR CHEESK ARE SO WAMR IM TOUJCING THEJM THEY AJRE SO WRAM  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh hi bokuto!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** how are u doing  
**HOOT HOOT:** WEELLE IM LYINGB ON THE FLOROR  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHCBJGN IS ONE  OFNM Y FAVOIRBTE THINGS TO D O  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND IM SITKCING MY LEG UP RELAYLY FAR  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Bokuto, are you okay?  
**HOOT HOOT:** IN B GREAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** DO U EBVER STIKC U R ELG UP REALLYB FAR  
**HOOT HOOT:** U SHUJD  
**HOOT HOOT:** U AVHE GREATB JLEGS  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I cannot say I’ve ever considered it.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** that sounds pretty great actually  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i mean sticking your leg up really far. not sawamura’s legs  
**ur favorite lolcat:** excuse u sawamura’s legs are beautiful  
**HOOT HOOT:** OIKAWS A DO YOUJW ANT TON CALLKJ  
**HOOT HOOT:** ANDN STIKC UP HGOURJ LEGS OTGEHT EHR  
**HOOT HOOT:** AND TALKT ABOUT OURJNH FLEELINGS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i can’t, sorry :c  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i’m studying for exams right now and i can’t take much of a break  
**HOOT HOOT** : NO ITS OKAKY  
**HOOT HOOT:** AKASHJIH IAN DI AJ AR EJLKTAKING ABOUT LKREFELINGS  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM GNIONG TO MISNS HIM SO MUCJH IN EV ERJWANT TO BE APAR TBFBORM HIM  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LVOE HTAT BOY THERJES NOBODY IKN LOVE HNMORE  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM GHOING TO TELLK HIM THATJ  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ughhh  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITSN NOT ATHJAT KIND OF LVOE??????????????  
**HOOT HOOT:** OKK IMG OING TO GO TELKK H IM TAHT  
**HOOT HOOT:** THEN DJIRNK K NKP,MORE  
**HOOT HOOT:** OGODNIGHT OUIAWKAA  
**HOOT HOOT:** @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
**perfectkawa ✌:** fine, have fun

 

 _January 24, 2016  
_ _10:02 A.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** I JUST WOKE UP SNUGGLED UP TO AKAASHI  
**HOOT HOOT:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

_11:38 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** im surrounded by hopeless romantics （；¬＿¬)  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOW MANY TIMES DO I GOTTA TELL YOU ITS NOT LIKE THAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** BESIDES WE WERE ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS NOT ROMANTIC  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh but you want to spend all your time with him and talk about your feelings and cuddle a lot  
**HOOT HOOT:** why cant friends do that  
**perfectkawa ✌:** but you want to do that for the rest of your life? and you love him more than anyone?  
**HOOT HOOT:** yeah  
**perfectkawa ✌:** thats literally a relationship  
**HOOT HOOT:** but its not in a romantic way  
**HOOT HOOT:** i cant have the relationship part without romantic feelings  
**perfectkawa ✌:** why not?  
**HOOT HOOT:** akaashi wouldnt want that  
**perfectkawa ✌:** have u asked him???  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ...bokuto?

 

 _January 26, 2016  
_ _5:34 P.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** hey ushiwaka  
**HOOT HOOT:** can i ask u something?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes?  
**HOOT HOOT:** how did your spikes get to be so powerful?  
**HOOT HOOT:** like ur in the top 3 best spikers in the country and im only top 5 but  
**HOOT HOOT:** from what ive heard u dont strategize a lot with ur spiking to get past blockers  
**HOOT HOOT:** u just sort-of slam past them  
**HOOT HOOT:** with ur SUPERSTRENGTH or whatever  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Well, I’ve been practicing the same type of spike for years  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But most of my strength comes from Shiratorizawa  
**HOOT HOOT:** what?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Shiratorizawa  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** My high school  
**ur favorite lolcat:** we know what shiratorizawa is ushiwaka  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Then why are you confused?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Dont you know that all strength in volleyball comes from Shiratorizawa?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Its why our players are the best  
**HOOT HOOT:** so great spikes come from  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Shiratorizawa  
**ur favorite lolcat:** great receives?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Shiratorizawa  
**HOOT HOOT:** great tosses?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Shiratorizawa  
**ur favorite lolcat:** great blocks?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Shiratorizawa  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Great teamwork?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Shiratorizawa  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** That doesn’t make any sense, Shiratorizawa’s strategy doesn’t rely on teamwork at all.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** It doesnt have to make sense  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** It’s Shiratorizawa  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i cant decide whether ur an idiot or just really ill-informed 

_5:42 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** ushiwaka?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** was my burn so bad u had to leave?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it wasnt that good of a burn oikawa  
**perfectkawa ✌:** EXCUSE U  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Sorry, I was answering a text from Satori  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The Shiratorizawa thing was a joke  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Didnt you guys realize that?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** holy shit  
**HOOT HOOT:** USHIWAKA!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** THAT WAS A GOOD JOKE  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I don’t get it.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Its based on that star show  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Not Star Wars. The other one  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** This one guy thinks that everything comes from Russia  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Really funny joke  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WTF THE FUCK  
**perfectkawa ✌:** USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI MADE A STAR TREK REFERENCE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND EVEN WORSE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I DIDNT GET IT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THIS IS THE DAY THAT I DIE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** That seems like a rather inconsequential reason to die  
**ur favorite lolcat:** clearly u dont know oikawa at all 

_5:55 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** ok but seriously  
**HOOT HOOT:** whats ur spiking secret ushiwaka  
**HOOT HOOT:** i need to know  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I think it’s just consistent practice  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** That and punching a tree a hundred times a day  
**HOOT HOOT:** another joke!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** right?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Did I answer your question?  
**HOOT HOOT:** i think so  
**HOOT HOOT:** ur a really powerful spiker ushiwaka  
**HOOT HOOT:** i was watching some of the video footage from the international tournament and  
**HOOT HOOT:** u can rely on force most of the time but also change attacks quickly when you get blocked  
**HOOT HOOT:** its really cool  
**HOOT HOOT:** i want to go up against you someday  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I look forward to it  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** From what I’ve heard, you’re a formidable opponent yourself  
**HOOT HOOT:** although while were talking i actually have another question  
**HOOT HOOT:** totally unrelated to volleyball  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes?  
**HOOT HOOT:** about u and tendou  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** What about him?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ive been doing some research on this aromantic thing and i found this term  
**HOOT HOOT:** queerplatonic partner  
**HOOT HOOT:** its like being platonic life partners forever  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Bokuto, this might be a silly question, but what's the difference between that and just a regular relationship?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ok think of it like  
**HOOT HOOT:** your ace, azumane  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Yes?  
**HOOT HOOT:** you love him  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Well, yes, but not like I love Suga.  
**HOOT HOOT** : but you love him and you want him in your life indefinitely  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Yes.  
**HOOT HOOT** : but you don't NEED him to survive or feel like you're whole  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Yeah.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** So… It works like a relationship, but you're just friends?  
**HOOT HOOT:** bro  
**HOOT HOOT:** friendship isn't JUST anything :(  
**HOOT HOOT:** its a different emotion not a lesser one  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** That sounds like what Tendou and I are, yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I hadnt realized there was a term for this  
**HOOT HOOT:** cool!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** but how did it happen?  
**HOOT HOOT:** like, how did things start?  
**HOOT HOOT:** if u dont mind my asking  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I dont mind  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I talked to him after practice one day, during our second year  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I had made incorrect assumptions of what his expectations were for a potential relationship between us  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** He corrected them  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** And once we realized that we wanted similar things from each other, things fell into place fairly easily  
**HOOT HOOT:** so its mostly about communication  
**HOOT HOOT:** making sure u both know what the other person wants?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You could put it that way  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur a brave man ushijima wakatoshi  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thank you  
**HOOT HOOT:** hold on a bit guys ive gotta talk to akaashi  
**ur favorite lolcat:** GODSPEED BRO  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Good luck.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Tell him you value your friendship above all else. 

_8:36 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** :)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** THERE IT IS  
**HOOT HOOT:** :D  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh great you too now 

_8:38 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** bro chill out in the group chat  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hes happy  
**perfectkawa ✌:** >.<  
**perfectkawa ✌:** fine 

_8:40 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** congratulations  
**HOOT HOOT:** thanks bro! :D  
**HOOT HOOT:** this is rly nice  
**HOOT HOOT:** i had to explain it a bit but he said its not like id ever be able to function without him anyway  
**HOOT HOOT:** OR VICE VERSA  
**HOOT HOOT:** !!!!!!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** :D  
**ur favorite lolcat:** whoa  
**HOOT HOOT:** I KNOW  
**HOOT HOOT:** we talked for a really long time  
**HOOT HOOT:** he cares a lot about me bro did u know that???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro literally everyone but you knew that  
**HOOT HOOT:** IT WAS NICE TO HEAR OK 

_8:52 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** I DIDNT WANNA SAY THIS IN THE GROUP CHAT BUT HE ALSO KISSED ME  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NICE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ...nice?  
**HOOT HOOT:** IT WAS SUPER NICE  
**HOOT HOOT:** turns out kissing is pretty great :D  
**ur favorite lolcat:** whoa was it your first kiss?  
**HOOT HOOT:** i always thought i shouldn’t kiss people  
**HOOT HOOT:** bc it would give them the wrong idea  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT ITS NOT WRONG ANYMORE  
**HOOT HOOT:** so we kissed on his bed for like an hour  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wow  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur pretty gay dude  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT WE SAID NO HOMO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh thats ok then  
**HOOT HOOT:** even besides the kissing though  
**HOOT HOOT:** this is so nice  
**HOOT HOOT:** like i always assumed i’d end up alone  
**HOOT HOOT:** cause friends graduate and get married and move on yknow  
**HOOT HOOT:** and maybe akaashi and i wont be together til we die  
**HOOT HOOT:** but i love him! and i want to be around the people i love forever and its really nice feeling like thats a possibility  
**HOOT HOOT:** im really frickin’ happy bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im glad for you  
**ur favorite lolcat:** <3  
**HOOT HOOT:** <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 

 _January 30, 2016  
_ _12:26 A.M._

 **perfectkawa ✌:** NOBODY S ONLINE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ANYWHERE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** PAY      ATTENTION TO ME GDI  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lonely on a saturday night, hmm?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** PISS OFF KUROO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** all you guys and your  
**perfectkawa ✌:** RELATIONSHIPS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** makes me so mad  
**perfectkawa ✌:** not like i    NEED to be in a relationship  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i mean     i could be  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i have so many fangirls  
**perfectkawa ✌:** way more than all of you  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WAY MORE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SO MANY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** b   u  t  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Do you need to talk about something, Oikawa?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NOT TO YOU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im ju;st thinkingsd  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oikawa, are you drunk?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** a bottle of wine doesnt make you drink  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** A whole bottle?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** like …………… almost  
**perfectkawa ✌:** not enough  
**perfectkawa ✌:** brb i think there was another bottle in the closet  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oikawa.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Please take care of yourself.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** We are concerned about your health.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** FUCK OFF 

_12:39 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** immmm fine  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and i haaaaaaave wine  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hey that rhymes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BUT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ANYWAY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ALL YOU LOSERS AND YOUR LOSER RELATIONSHIPS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THAT YOURE ALL GONNA BE FUKCNG DUMPED SOMEA DAY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YO RRR ALL GONNA B SAD  
**perfectkawa ✌:** EVERYYTHING ENDS  
**HOOT HOOT:** woah  
**HOOT HOOT:** oikawa u need to chill  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I AM CHILL  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IM JUST   THINKNBG  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** About what?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** its like  
**perfectkawa ✌:** mulder and scully  
**HOOT HOOT:** what?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Is this another one of your alien things?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WELL I MEA N  KINDOF  
**perfectkawa ✌:** its  
**perfectkawa ✌:** the xxfilies  
**HOOT HOOT:** the x files?  
**HOOT HOOT:** i think akaashi showed me an episode of that once  
**HOOT HOOT:** its about like  
**HOOT HOOT:** aliens and shit  
**HOOT HOOT:** right?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** th xffiles  
**perfectkawa ✌:** is the grreatest lovestory of alllllll  
**perfectkawa ✌:** time  
**perfectkawa ✌:** just imagine ok immmagine  
**perfectkawa ✌:** fox mulder  
**perfectkawa ✌:** tw elve yyears old  
**perfectkawa ✌:** loses his sisterrr to ALIENS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** p robably  
**perfectkawa ✌:** starts believing in consprraac sies and  ASLIENS  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** So is this the love story of a boy and some aliens?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** its  
**perfectkawa ✌:** itssss  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ok so years later  
**perfectkawa ✌:** mulder is workingg in the gov ernment  
**perfectkawa ✌:** everybo dy  haaates him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** which they HSHOULDNTT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HE S  A A GOOOD PESON  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHO BELIEVVVES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND IN COMES SCULLY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** DAAAAANA SCCC ULLYY YY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ITS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THEY STA R T ARGUNGGI  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BC SCULLY IS A SSCKEPTIC DOESNNT BELIEVE IN ALIENS BUT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SH E TAKESMULDER ERIOUSLYYY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** LISTTENS TO HIM  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Okay, I’m going to bed.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Can anyone else keep an eye on … this?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SHH E R EASPECTS HIMM  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Im on it  
**perfectkawa ✌:** get out ushi waka  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im talkingg bout th xifiils  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ab ut  
**perfectkawa ✌:** MULDER RR AND SCCULLLLLLLYYYYYYU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HW MCUFH THEYY LOVE EACH OTHERR  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SCULLL Y SH SHE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SHE ARG UES WITH HFM EVERRYT; EPISODD;SE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND DDDOES SHE WANT TYO KILL HIMS SOMTIMES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** OF FCOUSE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!!!!!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SHE SS TAYS WITH HIM  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SHE HAS HIS BACK  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND HE!!!!!  WOULD GO TO !!!!! THE ENDDDDDDDDDDDDS OF THE EARTH FORR HER  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Are you sure youre still talking about Mulder and Scully  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ASDND  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ASFFFF ND  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THEYVVE BB EN THRROUGHG SO MUCCSCH SHITTTT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SSSSSSSSSS O MUCCCCCCH  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ONSCE SSCULLY W ASF PREEGNANAT ANDDDED THR OUGHT MULDERR WASSD EAD FORRR THR REEE WHOLLEMON THS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THEY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HAVE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** EAASFCHOTHHER  
**perfectkawa ✌:** EACH OTHER  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** This definitely isnt about Mulder and Scully anymore  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I JUSST WAANTT THEMMEM  
**perfectkawa ✌:** TO GG ETT MARRIEDD ANDWFD BE HAPPPPY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BUTT THATTTLLL FPROBABLY NEFVER HAPPEN BCCCCCCCCCEASCUE CHRRIS CHARRRRRRTER ISSSS BA DICK  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Oikawa go to bed  
**perfectkawa ✌:** USHISDJIWAKAA URR AL;SO A DDDCCICK

_perfectkawa ✌ has renamed this conversation to “USSSHWAKA S  A DICCKCJIK”_

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Go to bed  
**perfectkawa✌:** NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKJ;;;;JJRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  
**perfectkawa ✌:** RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IMMMMMMMMMM GOINNG TO WWAATCH THE XXF LES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND YOUUUUUU CAN T COMMMMMMME  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Okay 

_1:24 A.M._

_USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI has renamed this conversation to “Volleyball”_

_10:17 A.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oikawa, you have a problem.

_10:36 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** are u talking about my raging hangover  
**perfectkawa ✌:** bc in that case yes  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** In that case, you have two problems.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** wait whats the other one????  
**ur favorite lolcat:** read over the text from last night man  
**ur favorite lolcat:** uve got it bad  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh  
**perfectkawa ✌:** shit  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** See what we’re talking about?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** well  
**perfectkawa ✌:** the x files is a great romance story i stand by that  
**ur favorite lolcat:** were u really talking about the x files though  
**ur favorite lolcat:** or should i call it the “xxfilies”  
**perfectkawa ✌:** shut up  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and i was  
**perfectkawa ✌:** obviously  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what else would i have been talking about?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** _> perfectkawa, 1:15 A.M.  
_                             “AND DDDOES SHE WANT TYO KILL HIMS SOMTIMES  
                             OF FCOUSE”  
**perfectkawa ✌:** don’t know what you’re talking about  
**ur favorite lolcat:** _> perfectkawa, 1:17 A.M.  
_                             “BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111!!!!!!!!!!  
                             SHE SS TAYS WITH HIM  
                             SHE HAS HIS BACK”  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what are you implying, kuroo-chan?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Maybe a certain spiker.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what???!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** no way  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sounds like iwaizumi to me  
**perfectkawa ✌:** just because u losers are in relationships u think u can lecture me???  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I think you should talk to Iwaizumi.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Tell him how you feel.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** shut up  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I agree  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you especially shut up 

_10:23 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** anyway even if i DID feel that way  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHICH I DONT!!!!!!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i cant ask out iwachan  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And why not?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hes straight  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh no way  
**HOOT HOOT:** TALK TO HIM! TALK TO HIM! TALK TO HIM!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hghhfdkgjdsljkjkld  
**HOOT HOOT:** U DESERVE TO BE HAPPY BRO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I CANT 

_10:26 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** do you really think he’s not straight?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’ve seen the way he acts around you.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hhhhhhhhhhh 

_10:35 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** how do you ask someone if they’re not straight

_10:42 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** he seems straight  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he’s definitely liked girls before 

_10:47 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** but i flirt with girls all the time and im not straight!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** do you think he’s bi 

_10:50 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** he would’ve told me if he wasn’t straight!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** right?

 

 _January 30, 2016  
_ _11:02 A.M._

 **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Iwaizumi.  
**Iwaizumi Hajime:** Sawamura.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Please ask out Oikawa.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He’s getting ridiculous and I’m not sure our group chat can take it.  
**Iwaizumi Hajime:** …  
**Iwaizumi Hajime:** On it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week: friendship and other emotions


	5. our hearts will go on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Ask me if I can put the cat out.  
>  **USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You dont have a cat  
>  **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Just ask me.  
>  **HOOT HOOT:** sawamura can you put the cat out  
>  **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I didn’t know it was on fire!  
>  **perfectkawa ✌:** ohhhhh my god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dad jokes courtesy of niceonedad.com; plant joke courtesy of this cool person in the overheard @ barnard facebook group
> 
> thank you, everyone, for 1000 kudos??!!! we never expected this fic to get so popular, and it's really exciting that so many people appreciate our jokes and headcanons. and thank you, too, for your bookmarks (we read and appreciate all of them) and comments (if one of us hasn't replied to yours yet, it's probably because we're yelling about it over skype and haven't figured out how to translate our enthusiastic shouts into proper words.)

_January 31, 2016  
_ _8:39 A.M._

 **perfectkawa ✌:** HEYYYYYYYYY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ☆*✲ﾟ*｡(((´♡‿♡`+)))｡*ﾟ✲*☆  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that is … the most ridiculous emoji ive ever seen  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ASK ME WHAT HAPPENED  
**ur favorite lolcat:** y  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ASK ME  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT HAPPENED  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IWACHAN ASKED ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oh, good.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YOU DONT SOUND VERY EXCITED  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Well.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ohoho  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHOHOHOHO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SAWAMURA WHAT DO U KNOW  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I may have told him to.  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH MY GOD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** truly a hero for our time  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WAIT DOES HE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** DOES HE KNOW ABOUT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** did u tell him about the xfiles ranting  
**ur favorite lolcat:** please tell me u told him about the xfiles ranting  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I said nothing of the sort!  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** … I implied.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ⊂(⊙д⊙)つ  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Hey, it got the desired result, didn’t it?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I MEAN  
**perfectkawa ✌:** YES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BUT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AT WHAT COST  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Excuse me, I think I may be missing something here  
**HOOT HOOT:** whats up ushiwaka  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Who is Iwachan?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IWAIZUMI HAJIME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SEIJOHS ACE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND NOW  
**perfectkawa ✌:** MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Ah  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Isn’t he too nice for you?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHAT  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** When our teams played against each other  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** He seemed like a decent person  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT IM NOT A DECENT PERSON  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah i think he is  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I just fail to understand why he would want to be romantically involved with you  
**HOOT HOOT:** woah ushiwaka 0 chill  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Actually, I can answer that.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHAT  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** _> Iwaizumi Hajime, 8:14 P.M.  
_                                 “If I’m dating him, I can get back at him much more easily.”  
_ >Mr. Sugawara Daichi, 8:15 P.M.  
_                                 “For what?”  
_ >Iwaizumi Hajime, 8:15 P.M.  
_                                 “Everything.”  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh man  
**HOOT HOOT:** OHHHHHH  
**HOOT HOOT:** NICE KILL IWACHAN  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i have to go  
**ur favorite lolcat:** tell iwaizumi i love him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** FUCK YOU  
**HOOT HOOT:** TELL HIM I LOVE HIM TOO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** FUCK YOU TOO  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Tell him I admire his spiking form  
**perfectkawa ✌:** FUCK YOU ESPECIALLY

_ur favorite lolcat renamed this conversation to “rip in pieces oikawa tooru”_

_12:13 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** ushiwaka  
**perfectkawa ✌:** iwachan says he admires your spiking form too  
**perfectkawa ✌:** now if youll excuse me  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im going to marathon 5 seasons of the x files

 

 _February 6, 2016  
_ _10:48 P.M._

 **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Guys have I ever told youuu  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** about  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** sugawrra    koushi  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what the fuck  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** he’s just so  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** so  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** beauutful  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Sawamura, are you okay?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** i’m   great  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** sugas here  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** i love suga  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** hes like ……….. hes  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** so nice and kkkkiii  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** kind  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** annnnddd  his smi;e  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I am concerned  
**HOOT HOOT:** dont be ushiwaka  
**HOOT HOOT:** i think he’s just a little drink  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** i ammmmm not  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** i hadd   two beers  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** maaayyyyb th ree  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** m responsible  
**HOOT HOOT:** holy shit sawamura’s a lightweight  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i am screenshotting literally all of this  
**HOOT HOOT:** SHIT wheres kuroo when u need him  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO  
**HOOT HOOT:** BRO  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** wheres suga  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** i love suga  
**HOOT HOOT:** ok im texting him hold on  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** suga?????  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** you cant text suga  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro what is it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ill have u know i had to stop cuddling with kenma (setter) for a whole thirty seconds for this  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** suga hasssssd  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** su  ch   nivcs  eyes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** holy shit  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHATD I TELL U  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** i just wanted  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** to   tell you all  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** howwww musch  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** i l;oave suga  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you loave suga?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** yyyyy  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** es  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHY DONT YOU TELL SUGA HOW MUCH U LOAVE HIM  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** iiiiii cant  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I thought you and he were dating now?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** hes in the      bathrrrromm  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ok then  
**perfectkawa ✌:** tell us how much u loave suga  
**perfectkawa ✌:** do u loave his perfect buns  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wow oikawa im ROLLing on the floor laughing at that pun  
**perfectkawa ✌:** its just a SLICE of what ive got in store  
**ur favorite lolcat:** at YEAST share some of them with us  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** wait!!!!!  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** hes back!!!!!!!!!!!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh no  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA DONT LEAVE US  
**HOOT HOOT:** U LOAVE US  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** by  
**perfectkawa ✌:** GO GET SOME SAWAMURA  
**ur favorite lolcat:** goddamn it  
**perfectkawa ✌:** kuroo do u loave drunk sawamura or do u LOAVE drunk sawamura  
**HOOT HOOT:** LOAVE

_HOOT HOOT changed the title to DAICHI LOAVES SUGA_

**ur favorite lolcat:** perfect  
**perfectkawa ✌:** this has truly been a great day (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

 

 _February 7, 2016  
_ _9:18 A.M._

 **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** What the fuck.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** so hows the hangover  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Oh, is that what this is? I thought I was still drunk.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** jeez  
**ur favorite lolcat:** drink better alcohol  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Help, please.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** greasy food, water, aspirin, avoid sunlight  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Thank you.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** how’s suga?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He’s okay. He didn’t get a hangover.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** We fell asleep together on his couch, and he’s making breakfast now.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** He likes to sing when he cooks.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** aww  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you guys are cute o(〃＾▽＾〃)o  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** ...Thanks?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** That’s just unexpected, coming from you…  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i don’t know why you would say that (⊙︿⊙✿)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ah, the green-eyed monster has been tamed  
**perfectkawa ✌:** would you stop quoting things i don’t recognize  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** What does that mean?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** nothing, nothing

 

 _February 8, 2016  
_ _8:13 P.M._

 **perfectkawa ✌:** hey kuroo  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yo  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ive got a question about ur s.o.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** …  
**ur favorite lolcat:** should i be suspicious?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** nah it’s about volleyball  
**perfectkawa ✌:** when he sets during matches, how does he signal who he’s going to set to?  i was watching the videos of some games from nationals and i can’t figure out what he’s doing - signals or facial expressions or anything. it’s really bothering me  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ok 3 things  
**ur favorite lolcat:** 1\. where did you get video of our games during nationals?  i dont even have video of our games during nationals  
**ur favorite lolcat:** 2\. they, not he. use they when referring to kenma  
**ur favorite lolcat:** 3\. why dont you ask them?  i thought you had their skype  
**perfectkawa ✌:** yeah, but they won’t tell me!!! .( ̵˃﹏˂̵ )  
**perfectkawa ✌:** they just said “i figure it out, then i toss”  
**perfectkawa ✌:** not very helpful at all  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and u thought id tell u their secrets?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** well  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lol no way  
**perfectkawa ✌:** but kurochaaaaaaaan!!!!!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i thought we were frieeeeeends!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wait.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** They?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I didn’t know you could do that.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah well kenma’s genderfluid so  
**ur favorite lolcat:** did i not tell you guys that?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i know bokuto knows bc he sees them all the time  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i thought it was pretty evident from the kenma in a skirt … whatever that was  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Kuroo?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sorry, was just thinking about kenma in a skirt  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but yeah, genderfluid  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i mean, theyre still figuring it out?  but for now, theyve told me that genderfluid is the term they feel fits best, and they asked me to use they/them pronouns  
**ur favorite lolcat:** so if you guys could do the same thing thatd be cool  
**HOOT HOOT:** HEY BRO WHATS COOL  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH KENMAS PRONOUNS  
**HOOT HOOT:** KENMAS PRONOUNS ARE VERY COOL  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I didn’t realize that was … grammatically correct?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its in the dictionary  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well, not our dictionary  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but in english dictionaries and stuff  
**ur favorite lolcat:** people like kenma arent girls or boys, theyre outside of that whole binary. so they dont use girl or boy pronouns. they use whatever fits them best. and sometimes they change it around depending on how theyre feeling?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** idk kenma explains it better than i do  
**HOOT HOOT:** nobody ever really understands kenmas explanations besides u bro  
**ur favorite lolcat:** chibi-chan  
**HOOT HOOT:** TRUE  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** So, Kenma’s not _he_ , but _they_ ?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Alright, I’ll try to do that.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ty bro

_8:46 P.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** This is interesting  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** What is?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Kenma being genderfluid.  They pronouns.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I hadn’t known that was  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** An okay thing to do  
**ur favorite lolcat:** do you want me to try to explain it more?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** No

_8:52 P.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Maybe  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i can give you kenma’s skype if you want to talk to them

_8:54 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** ?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thank you  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no problem dude

 

 _February 11, 2016  
_ _3:35 P.M._

 **Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Guys, I just found the funniest joke.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** really  
**ur favorite lolcat:** do share it with the class  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Okay. A bowl of ramen walks into a bar and orders sake.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here.”  
**perfectkawa ✌:** wow  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh my god  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Hilarious, right?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur use of correct punctuation is hilarious  
**ur favorite lolcat:** the joke? decidedly less hilarious  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wait, I’ve got another one.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Two peanuts were walking down the street.  One was a salted.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i have no words  
**perfectkawa ✌:** sawamura where tf are u finding these  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** The internet?  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I thought I’d finally go see what all the fuss with internet jokes was about.  
**HOOT HOOT:** so u arent just getting them from your dad?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BRO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** UR HERE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** pls save me from this dad joke hell  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I have another one: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?  It was two tired.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wait, dad joke hell?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** sawamura im not sure i can be friends with you anymore  
**HOOT HOOT:** oh come on oikawa dont be mean  
**HOOT HOOT:** just because he has the sense of humor of a 70 year old man  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I don’t have the sense of humor of a 70 year old man!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sure  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I for one think those jokes are hilarious.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Wait, one more.  Just for you, Kuroo.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im terrified  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Ask me if I can put the cat out.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You dont have a cat  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Just ask me.  
**HOOT HOOT:** sawamura can you put the cat out  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I didn’t know it was on fire!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ohhhhh my god  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ok that settles it

_Mr. Sugawara Daichi’s nickname is now Dad Joke Daichi._

**Dad Joke Daichi:** What have I ever done to deserve this?  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Couldn’t I just be happy for a few weeks?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** no  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** I will kick out all of you.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** u realize that’s an empty threat at this point right?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** u love us  
**HOOT HOOT:** U LOVE US  
**perfectkawa ✌:** LOOOOVE US

_Dad Joke Daichi removed perfectkawa ✌ from this conversation._

_Dad Joke Daichi removed ur favorite lolcat from this conversation._

_Dad Joke Daichi removed HOOT HOOT from this conversation._

**Dad Joke Daichi:** I guess it’s just you and me now, Ushiwaka.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Okay  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I suppose its good that I’m the only one who appreciates your jokes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I actually have a joke of my own  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** What did the grass seed say to the ballfield?  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** I don’t know, what did the grass seed say?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I’m rooting for you.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Ohhh!  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** That’s excellent.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thanks  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But I think we should add the others back  
**USHIIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Oikawa will be upset  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** He usually is.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** We should prevent him from being more upset  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I dont hate him you know  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** That’s very mature of you.

_Dad Joke Daichi added perfectkawa ✌._

_Dad Joke Daichi added ur favorite lolcat._

_Dad Joke Daichi added HOOT HOOT._

**perfectkawa ✌:** you suck  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Me or Ushijima?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BOTH  
**HOOT HOOT:** ITS OK OIKAWA HE ADDED US BACK  
**HOOT HOOT:** BC HE _LOAVES_ US  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Arghhhhhh.

 

 _February 14, 2016  
_ _6:02 A.M._

 **perfectkawa ✌:** HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY LOSERS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** HAVE FUN CELEBRATING YOUR PATHETIC RELATIONSHIPS  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NONE OF WHICH CAN EVER HOPE TO BE AS GOOD AS MY INCREDIBLE RELATIONSHIP

_6:31 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** GUESS WHAT I GOT IWACHAN  
**perfectkawa ✌:** GUESS

_6:47 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** ALRIGHT SINCE CLEARLY NONE OF YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO GUESS I’LL TELL YOU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I GOT HIM A STUFFED ANIMAL GODZILLA LIKE THIS ONE HE HAD WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER THAT I ACCIDENTALLY PUT IN THE WASHING MACHINE ONE TIME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND SOME OF THIS CANDY HE LIKES THAT GOT DISCONTINUED  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AND SOMETHING ELSE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** WHICH I DONT NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT

_7:03 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** well now im curious  
**perfectkawa ✌:** curious or jealous?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** because im a better boyfriend than you?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ok listen ive been planning what i’m doing with kenma for weeks and its perfect  
**perfectkawa ✌:** is it really  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it is really  
**perfectkawa ✌:** what is it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** video game marathon  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im gonna let them beat me every time  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and i got all their favorite snacks  
**perfectkawa ✌:** dont they only ever play video games anyway  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ok but its with ME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you two are literally always together  
**perfectkawa ✌:** and do you ever beat them at video games in the first place  
**ur favorite lolcat:** cant hear the haters  
**ur favorite lolcat:** theyre gonna love it

_8:48 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** they forgot it was valentine’s day  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

_6:10 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** IWA-CHAN GOT ME A PRESENT TOO  
**HOOT HOOT:** RLY  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT WAS IT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he didn't punch me ALL DAY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** (*＾▽＾)  
**ur favorite lolcat:** some of us get that every day  
**perfectkawa ✌:** PISS OFF KUROO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he also got me a ring  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wHAT  
**HOOT HOOT:** WOAH  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** You’re getting married?!  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Oikawa, you’re too young for that.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** its a promise ring  
**ur favorite lolcat:** tf is a promise ring  
**perfectkawa ✌:** its what it sounds like you overgrown hairball  
**perfectkawa ✌:** its a promise  
**perfectkawa ✌:** to show your commitment  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Wow.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** I wouldn't have pegged Iwaizumi for a romantic.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ME NEITHER  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i think its cause the school year is almost over  
**perfectkawa ✌:** hes getting sentimental  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmfao @how we all got into relationships almost immediately before graduating  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I didnt  
**ur favorite lolcat:** alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright  
**perfectkawa ✌:** whatre YOU doing with YOUR partner today ushiwaka-chan  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** After practice, I’m going to make dinner, and then we’re going to watch some of this anime he likes  
**perfectkawa ✌:** … dammit thats not bad  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** What do you mean?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Its what we do every day  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ARGHHHHHHHH  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ur cute ushiwaka  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thank you  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The anime is pretty interesting  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Its called Naruto  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH WOW  
**ur favorite lolcat:** lmfaooooooo  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Is something wrong with Naruto?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh where to start  
**HOOT HOOT:** hey no hate :/  
**HOOT HOOT:** in my opinion sasuke is a really beautiful guy with luscious hair  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto you have to stop defending fictional boys just because theyre pretty  
**HOOT HOOT:** ok hes really cool  
**HOOT HOOT:** REALLY COOL  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAKURA  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE BEAUTIFUL  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** … What is going on?  
**HOOT HOOT:** NINJA CLAN NINJA CLAN HERE WE STAND  
**ur favorite lolcat:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8xoTBZrzko>[  
](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8xoTBZrzko)**HOOT HOOT:** BELIEEEEEEEVE IT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bro i love u but im probably going to have this stuck in my head for the next week now  
**HOOT HOOT:** IS THAT A BAD THING  
**perfectkawa ✌:** OKAY MEANWHILE  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i agree with oikawa  
**perfectkawa ✌:** im assuming sawamura is doing something grossly cute with his bf?  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Hey!  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** ...You’re right, though.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** My parents went to Kyoto for the weekend, and my sister made herself scarce, so Suga stayed over last night.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** get some  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Oh, cut it out. We’re only eighteen, you know.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** sawamura you cant see it but im rolling my eyes  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Alright.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Well, we did share my bed, and we kissed a lot.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** So I guess it was a little bit racy.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Nowhere below the neck, though!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh ok i was worried it was getting lewd  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** No, no! Of course not!  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Anyway, before that we went for a walk up to the overlook where I asked him out, and we watched the sunset, and then we looked at the stars.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** And then this morning we stayed in our pajamas and made breakfast and danced a bit, and we gave each other chocolates.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ok that is really sweet  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Oh! And I wrote a poem for him.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** SHOW???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** please share sawamura  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** ...Alright, if you insist.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Suga, your smile is  
                           Not the sun - not so bright  
                           So blinding, even if it does hurt  
                           To look at sometimes - it is  
                           The rooftops of the city in  
                           The morning, it is  
                           The rippling waves of the ocean,  
                           It is the light rising back up  
                           To meet the sun.  
                           And the sun - the sun is  
                           Your heart.  
                           Could it be anything else?  
                           Is there any other star  
                           In the galaxy, the universe  
                           That shines so brightly,  
                           Sings so sweetly,  
                           Brings the earth so much grace and  
                           Beauty and life?  
                           I look at you, and I think,  
                           No, there isn’t.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** What do you think?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** that was  
**ur favorite lolcat:** certainly  
**ur favorite lolcat:** something  
**perfectkawa ✌:** words truly fail me  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I like it  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA THATS ADORABLE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh thank god a diversion  
**perfectkawa ✌:** BOKUTO HOW WAS YOUR VALENTINE’S DAY  
**HOOT HOOT:** IT WAS RAD  
**HOOT HOOT:** YUKIE GOT ME CHOCOLATES  
**perfectkawa ✌:** (yukie?)  
**HOOT HOOT:** (OUR MANAGER)  
**HOOT HOOT:** THEN SHE ATE HALF OF THEM  
**HOOT HOOT:** BUT IT WAS A NICE THOUGHT  
**perfectkawa ✌:** so you and akaashi aren’t doing anything?  
**HOOT HOOT:** uhhhh he asked if i want to get mcdonald’s later???  
**perfectkawa ✌:** thats not very romantic bokuto  
**HOOT HOOT:** im not in a romantic relationship bro  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh  
**perfectkawa ✌:** okay

_6:41 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** sorry  
**HOOT HOOT:** its all good :D

 

 _February 21, 2016  
_ _8:38 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** DOG ALERT

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT A GOOD DOG  
**Dad Joke Daichi:**!!  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** OH MY GOD  
**HOOT HOOT:** _> Dad Joke Daichi, 1:26 p.m.  
_                       “OH MY GOD”  
excited sawamura preserved for posterity  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** IT’S A REALLY GOOD DOG, OKAY.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its name is toby  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** A GOOD NAME FOR A GOOD DOG.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** whoa  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ohhhhhhh it is so small  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** IT IS PERFECT SIZED.  
**HOOT HOOT:** KUROO YOU BROKE HIM  
**ur favorite lolcat:** WAIT THERES ANOTHER ONE

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**perfectkawa ✌:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
**HOOT HOOT:** PUPPY  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto it’s like fifteen years old and its muzzle is all gray  
**HOOT HOOT:** PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** I LOVE IT.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** ITS PAWS ARE SO SMALL AND PERFECT.  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA ARE YOU A DOG PERSON  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** MAYBE  
**perfectkawa ✌:** sawamura i think this is the most excited i’ve ever seen you  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** I HAVE A GOOD REASON  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ...its just a dog  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** BUT IT’S SUCH A GOOD DOG  
**HOOT HOOT:** THE MAN HAS A POINT  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Look how talented it is!  
**perfectkawa ✌:** talented?  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** It only has one job in the world, and that is being a dog.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** It is so good at being a dog.  
**HOOT HOOT:** I AGREE  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I agree also  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Those are some very good dogs  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** :D  
**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura pls go back to normal this is unnerving  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ^^^^^^  
 

 _February 27, 2016  
_ _6:48 P.M._

 **USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Hello everyone  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I have a question  
**HOOT HOOT:** ushiwaka!!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** whats up bro?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** As you know, the end of the school year is approaching  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** And I would like to do something for my team  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Something celebratory  
**HOOT HOOT:** … so basically u want to throw a party  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** A party  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** How does one throw a party  
**perfectkawa ✌:** dude ur the captain  
**perfectkawa ✌:** throwing parties is like half of ur job  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** It is?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Ive never done it before  
**perfectkawa ✌:** … suddenly i feel really bad for shiratorizawa  
**HOOT HOOT:** dude havent they beaten ur team like five tournaments in a row  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh yeah  
**perfectkawa ✌:** dont throw a party  
**perfectkawa ✌:** nobody on ur team deserves a party  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** But they work very hard  
**perfectkawa ✌:** my team works hard!  and we deserve to go to nationals!  but that never happened DID IT  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** As Ive said before  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You should have come to Shiratorizawa  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i   m  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Oikawa, I’m only telling the truth 

_7:02 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** fine  
**perfectkawa ✌:** throw your teammates a party  
**perfectkawa ✌:** see if i care 

_7:18 P.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I still have no idea how to throw a party  
**HOOT HOOT:** get booze, snacks, music, and a space without too many easily breakable objects  
**HOOT HOOT:** thats rlly it  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Be responsible.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** maybe get tendou to help u out  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he seems like a party man  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes.  Ill ask Satori for help  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Thank you  
**HOOT HOOT:** np bro! have fun

 

 _March 1, 2016  
_ _3:21 P.M._

 **Dad Joke Daichi:** HEY GUYS GUESS WHO  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Is it Daichi  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** NOOOOOPE  
**HOOT HOOT:** HINATA????  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** bingo!!!!  
**HOOT HOOT:** :D :D :D :D :D :D  
**HOOT HOOT:** CONGRATS ON GETTING INTO HIS PHONE AGAIN  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** his passwords are really easy hahaha  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** WE HAVE A PUN FOR YOU  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LOVE PUNS  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** OK HERE IT IS!!!!!!  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** if me and kageyama adopted a child  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH MY GOD IM GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** and we named suga-san the godmother  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** what would we name daichi????  
**HOOT HOOT:** TELL ME  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** the QUADfather  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH  
**HOOT HOOT:** MY GOD  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** :D :D :D  
**HOOT HOOT:** THATS BRILLIANT YOURE THE BEST 

_3:41 P.M._

**Dad Joke Daichi:** Why does this always happen to me?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** whys what always happen to you?  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** First-years hijacking my phone.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** They’ve never done this to Suga.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** maybe ur an easy target  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** What’s that supposed to mean?!  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh that reminds me  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yknow what we should bring back  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** What?

_ur favorite lolcat changed their icon_

**Dad Joke Daichi:** NO!  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH HELL YES

_HOOT HOOT changed their icon_

**perfectkawa ✌:** ah yes

_perfectkawa ✌ changed their icon_

**perfectkawa ✌:** the back of a captain  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** NO…  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh yes  
**HOOT HOOT:** USHIWAKA WHERE ARE YOU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** his icon is still sawamura’s ass  
**HOOT HOOT:** OH EXCELLENT  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** You’re all terrible.  
**HOOT HOOT:** BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD  
**ur favorite lolcat:** BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD  
**HOOT HOOT:** BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD BODY SQUAD

_[cut for length]_

 

 _March 8, 2016  
_ _7:25 A.M._

 **perfectkawa ✌:** This is incredible.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Thank you, all of you, for keeping Shittykawa in check when i’m not around.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Iwaizumi?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Yes.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Hey, Sawamura.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** How did you get into Oikawa’s phone?  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Doesn’t he have a password?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** He does.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** It’s 4-2-5-4-6-3.  H-A-J-I-M-E.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** WHAT.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** AFTER HE MADE FUN OF ME SO MUCH FOR S-U-G-A.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Your password is S-U-G-A?  Dude.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Well, it isn’t anymore.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** I can’t believe he’s just as much of a dork as he made fun of me for being.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Are you really that surprised?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I’m reading back through this chat and Oikawa hasn’t really been hiding his true (terrible) self that much.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** That’s true.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Have you gotten to the X Files part yet?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** The X Files part? 

_7:38 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** Oh.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** This is … something.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** You see why I told you to ask him out.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I can’t believe he thought I was straight.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Hey, well, you’re dating now, right?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Hell yeah we are.

_perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture_

**perfectkawa ✌:** Wait that’s not a good angle hold on

_perfectkawa ✌ sent a picture_

**perfectkawa ✌:** He doesn’t really have good angles at this time of morning.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Not really a morning person, is he?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Nah, he needs five cups of coffee minimum to function.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Otherwise he just gets all clingy and demanding, and he can’t really think for himself.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I mean, more so than normally.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** He might be a King, but he’s a pretty baffled one right now.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** That’s not a very creative comparison.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Right, because you’re one to talk.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Suga’s smile defies figurative language.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Actually, this reminds me -

_Dad Joke Daichi’s nickname is now Mr. Sugawara Daichi._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’ve been meaning to change that back.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** You’re such a sap.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** So are you.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Making terrible analogies about your boyfriend.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I thought Iwaizumi’s analogy was pretty good  
**perfectkawa ✌:** THANK YOU.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Man, I never thought I’d say that to Ushiwaka.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I’m pretty sure you’ve said that to me before.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** After games  
**perfectkawa ✌:** That doesn’t count.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Why not?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I think our teams have played some good games.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I look forward to playing you and Oikawa more in college.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I look forward to finally beating your dumb ass in college.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I wouldn’t be so sure about that.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** We’ll see, Ushiwaka.  We’ll see.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Okay actually I have to go, I think he’s waking up.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** Nice talking to you guys. 

_8:34 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME  
**perfectkawa ✌:** IWACHAN KEEPS CALLING ME MULDER  
**perfectkawa ✌:** AS THOUGH I LOOK ANYTHING LIKE DAVID DUCHOVNY  
**perfectkawa ✌:** MY HAIR IS WAY BETTER 

_9:12 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** wait what happened?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** OH  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHAT  
**ur favorite lolcat:** READ THE EARLIER CHAT BRO  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOLY SHIT  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURA  
**HOOT HOOT:** WHY DIDNT YOU ASK FOR MORE BLACKMAIL  
**ur favorite lolcat:** no need, he embarrasses himself enough that we have plenty already  
**ur favorite lolcat:** also those pictures are golden  
**perfectkawa ✌:** I HATE ALL OF YOU

 

 _March 12, 2016  
_ _10:21 P.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** its been a few days since there was activity in this chat  
**HOOT HOOT:** so HELLO EVERYONE  
**HOOT HOOT:** HOWRE U DOING  
**HOOT HOOT:** SEEN ANY GOOD MEMES LATELY  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I personally have not.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The economy appears to be in something of a meme depression  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** In the past month, we have been seeing fewer and fewer quality new memes and more recycling of old memes, many of which were never very productive to begin with.  All of this is contributing to meme depreciation.  Soon the meme banks will fail and the meme market will collapse.  
**HOOT HOOT:** leading to meme depression?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Exactly  
**HOOT HOOT:** well this is just terrible  
**HOOT HOOT:** USHIWAKA WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING  
**HOOT HOOT:** WE NEED TO REVITALIZE THE MEME ECONOMY  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** WE DO.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** BUT HOW?  
**HOOT HOOT:** ARE YOU THINKING WHAT IM THINKING  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** ITS POSSIBLE THAT I AM 

_10:41 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** do we stop them  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i don’t even know  
**perfectkawa ✌:** it feels like when you leave your kid nephew in front of reruns of the berenstein bears tv show and come back half an hour later to find him cheerfully eating lard straight out of the container with his bare hands  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i can honestly say i have never had that experience  
**perfectkawa ✌:** you know what i mean  >.<  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah i get it  
**ur favorite lolcat:** its the last thing youd ever expect anyone to be doing so calmly 

_10:46 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** an activity that lasts roughly 20 minutes before turning into sex  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** What is, netflix and chill?  
**HOOT HOOT:** correct! that’s $200 to ushijima  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Okay, your turn  
**HOOT HOOT:** hmmmm  
**HOOT HOOT:** Worst of Anime for $400  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** A coarse way to convince your son to pilot a mecha  
**HOOT HOOT:** what  
**HOOT HOOT:** wtf  
**HOOT HOOT:** i have no idea  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** You have 28 seconds  
**HOOT HOOT:** aw shit  
**HOOT HOOT:** i give up  
**HOOT HOOT:** Okay  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** The answer was, “Shinji get in the fucking robot”  
**HOOT HOOT:** darn  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Only the strongest can win meme jeopardy  
**HOOT HOOT:** ILL GET THE NEXT ONE  
**HOOT HOOT:** what will your next choice be?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I’ll take Prehistoric Memes for $500  
**HOOT HOOT:** sing the entire melody of the hampster dance  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Sure  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Can we video call  
**HOOT HOOT:** absolutely my fine sir

_The Great Meme Jeopardy Game of 2016 is now calling…_

_Call ended, duration 4:28._

**HOOT HOOT:** A STUNNING PERFORMANCE BY USHIWAKA  
**HOOT HOOT:** $500 TO USHIWAKA

 _[cut for length]_  

_11:01 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** i messaged sawamura for help  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hes not responding  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he might be asleep  
**perfectkawa ✌:** he might be hiding  
**ur favorite lolcat:** he might have the right idea on that one  
**perfectkawa ✌:** do u think bokuto realizes what hes doing  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oikawa, here is a life lesson  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bokuto is much, much smarter than he seems  
**perfectkawa ✌:** so. yes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yeah  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im going to hide from the main chat for a while  
**perfectkawa ✌:** me too  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wanna watch the empire strikes back  
**perfectkawa ✌:** …  
**perfectkawa ✌:** <https://rabb.it/r/afjdks>[  
](https://rabb.it/r/afjdks)**perfectkawa ✌:** this doesn’t mean i like you  
**ur favorite lolcat:** :3c  
**ur favorite lolcat:** yes it does  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ok maybe a little bit  
**ur favorite lolcat:** youve been talking to me every day for months  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i take it back  
**ur favorite lolcat:** too late that bridge is built  
**ur favorite lolcat:** or something  
**perfectkawa ✌:** youre really awful, you know that?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i try ;)  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ughhhhhhh

 

 _March 16, 2016  
_ _3:14 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** ok you know what  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i cant look at this conversation being called The Great Meme Jeopardy Game Of 2016 anymore

_ur favorite lolcat renamed this conversation to “national hot dad alliance”_

**ur favorite lolcat:** someones gotta restore this to its former glory  
**ur favorite lolcat:** keep our aesthetic alive 

_7:39 A.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** UR DOIN THE LORDS WORK BRO  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I agree  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I like this title  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** It is an appropriate title 

_8:02 A.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I suppose it is.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** for you most of all ;)  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:**  And for you the least, so it balances itself out.  
**HOOT HOOT:**  OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
**ur favorite lolcat:**  i  
**ur favorite lolcat:** did i just get owned  
**ur favorite lolcat:** in my own group chat

_8:05 A.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Nice kill  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:**  Thank you.

 

 _March 17, 2016  
_ _1:26 P.M._

 **HOOT HOOT:** LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL HOWS IT FEEL  
**perfectkawa ✌:** it went too fast  
**perfectkawa ✌:** but also not fast enough (  >д<)  
**HOOT HOOT:** today? or all of high school?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** yes  
**ur favorite lolcat:** wait, are we ALL graduating tomorrow?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i know all the miyagi schools are  
**ur favorite lolcat:** tokyo too  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Oh, that reminds me, I was thinking about something the other day.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** are there more dad jokes involved?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** bc if so thats not good  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** No.  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** I thought it might be nice to do another video call.  
**HOOT HOOT:** IM DOWN  
**perfectkawa ✌:** tonight?  
**Dad Joke Daichi:** Unless someone’s busy.  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** My teams party is tonight  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I wont be home until around 11  
**HOOT HOOT:** we can wait for you bro! its not like any of us have real school tomorrow  
**perfectkawa ✌:** we dont have to  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Yes we do.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** So, eleven tonight, then?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** im in  
**perfectkawa ✌:** fine  
**HOOT HOOT:** :D 

_10:58 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** is everyone here??  
**perfectkawa ✌:** the party’s here (๑’ᗢ’๑)ฅ  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I am here  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Me, too.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Everyone’s here except Bokuto.  
**perfectkawa ✌:** bokutooooo  >.<  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Let’s just start the call; he can join when he gets here. 

_national hot dad alliance is now calling…_

_11:06 P.M._

**HOOT HOOT:** woah sorry i was late everyone  
**HOOT HOOT:** i was doing stuff  
**HOOT HOOT:** and by stuff i mean akaashi  
**HOOT HOOT:** and by doing i mean getting done by but yknow  
**HOOT HOOT:** semantics  
**ur favorite lolcat:** tmi bro tmi  
**HOOT HOOT:** you know you’re the only one i top for ;o  
**perfectkawa ✌:** TMI TMI TMI

 “Hey hey hey!” Bokuto came into focus, waving at the screen so quickly that his arm blurred and successfully interrupting Oikawa and Kuroo’s debate about the narrative value of Boba Fett. Daichi’s camera showed an empty room, and Ushijima hadn’t answered the call yet.

“Hi, Bokuto-kun!’ Oikawa smiled sincerely at Bokuto, and he beamed back. “Your buttons are mismatched.”

“Oh, thanks for telling me!” Bokuto unbuttoned his shirt and rebuttoned it correctly with an unabashed grin. “Kind of got dressed in a hurry.”

“You also have a pretty big hickey on your neck.”

He was unperturbed. “Nothing I can do about that, bro.”

 **HOOT HOOT:** you comin ushiwaka?  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Yes  
**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** I have to press some buttons first  
**HOOT HOOT:** k  
**HOOT HOOT:** i trust you bro

“Where’s Akaashi?” Kuroo asked.

“Oh, he’s in the other room.” Bokuto gestured somewhere offscreen. “Playing Pokemon. He says he’ll pay attention to me when I’m done talking to you nerds.”

“I’m not a nerd,” Oikawa protested.

“I have direct evidence otherwise,” Kuroo said.

Oikawa’s eyes narrowed. “Prove it.”

A smirk lurched across Kuroo’s face like a slime mold.

_ur favorite lolcat sent a file: xxfilies.txt._

Oikawa clicked on the file and scanned through it.  The other captains watched as his facial expression changed from mildly concerned to a mixture of disgust and abject terror, like a small child reading a diatribe proving in ten different ways that Santa isn’t real.

“This is over a thousand words,” he said slowly.

“Yes.”

“Of me talking about Star Wars, Star Trek, and the X Files.”

Kuroo cocked an eyebrow. “I think you mean the xxfilies.”

Oikawa lunged forward, but before he could attempt to rip Kuroo’s head off through his webcam, Daichi strode into his camera’s range and settled down into his desk chair, a bottle of water in his hand.  “Hi, guys.”

Oikawa sat back down, but not without an _I’m going to destroy you_ glare at the place where Kuroo was still smirking at him on his screen.

“Hey, Sawamura!” Bokuto exclaimed.

“Yo,” Kuroo added, as though he was completely innocent.

“Hello,” Ushijma’s chest said.

Wait - Ushijima’s chest?

Ushijima’s screen rectangle was currently displaying the bottom part of a black T-shirt with some kind of slogan about power and energy, and the waistband and belt of a pair of jeans.

“Dude, tilt your camera up,” Bokuto said.  “None of us can see your face.”

“My camera is up.”

“Then …”  Kuroo tilted his head and examined his screen.  “Sit down?”

“Oh.  I suppose I could sit down.”  There was a thump, and then Ushijima’s face filled his screen.  “Is this better?”

“Back up a little, you’re too close - okay, good. I like your mug.”

“Thanks.” Ushijima took a sip from his Shiratorizawa-purple mug.

“How was your team party?” asked Bokuto. “Wild and raunchy?”

Ushijima considered the question thoroughly. “It was good. I think. Goshiki was loud. So was Satori.”

“Were they super surprised?”

Ushijima shook his head. “Satori is not very good at keeping secrets. They seemed to enjoy themselves, though.”

“Can’t have been worse than anything Oikawa’s thrown,” Kuroo drawled.

Oikawa gasped like a southern belle who had just been told her dress was unbecoming.  “I’ll have you know my parties were _fantastic._ ”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure, with Spin the Bottle and Truth or Dare like you’re still at Kitagawa Daiichi?”

“ _I_ am mature enough to acknowledge that Truth or Dare is great. Besides, you’ve got no right to talk, you didn’t spend time with your teammates outside of practice at all until Sawamura told you to.”

“At least I’m not still playing Truth or Dare when I’m about to graduate from high school.”

Oikawa sniffed haughtily. “Truth or Dare is a proud Seijoh tradition that will endure into futures untold.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Can too.”

“Can not.” Kuroo grinned his lopsided grin.

“Can too.” Oikawa smirked back.

"Can not."

"Can  _too_."

"Can not."

" _Can too_."

Daichi looked back and forth between the two other captains, wondering how it was possible that both of their teams had thoroughly defeated his some time in the past year.  Bokuto leaned back in his chair, humming to himself.  Ushijima carefully examined his mug.

“How can you be _sure_ that your kouhais will still like middle school party games years from now?”

“It’s just _part of Seijoh_. Don’t you guys have any idea what your teams will be like after you’re gone?”

At Oikawa’s words, Daichi and Ushijima both looked up, and Bokuto sat up again, the smile sliding from his face.

Daichi sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Honestly? I try not to think about it, but I’m a bit worried.  It’s not that I don’t trust Ennoshita, it’s just… Hinata and Kageyama won’t have anyone to force them to study, and Tanaka and Nishinoya won’t have anyone to keep them from picking fights with everyone they meet, and Yachi is a good manager, she works really hard, but she gets so nervous around new people - what if she has a hard time scheduling practice matches without Kiyoko?  Or talking to people from other teams?  Or -”

“We get it, Sawamura,” Kuroo interrupted him.  “You’re a good dad who worries about his kids.”

“I am not a dad,” Daichi insisted.

The other captains looked at him.

He raised his hands in surrender.  “Okay, okay, fine.  I see your point.”

“I think your team will be fine, though,” Bokuto told him.  “Like, you guys have come so far!  I saw you at Nationals - it’s hard to believe that was the same team that lost almost every single one of its sets at the training camp last summer.”

Daichi grinned.  “Yeah, that’s true.  They’ve all worked so hard - man, a year ago Hinata and Kageyama hated each other, and Asahi had given up on volleyball, and we didn’t even have a coach …”

“Wait, you didn’t have a coach?” Oikawa repeated.

Daichi nodded.  “For the past year and a half before this one, actually.”

The other captains let out a collective whistle.

“What did you … do?” Bokuto asked, eyes wide.

“Ran our own practices.  Came up with our own drills.  Tried to figure out how to be a team as best we could.  It was hard, but.”  Daichi shrugged.  “It kept the team alive, y’know?”

“You’re something else, Sawamura,” Kuroo said honestly.

“It wasn’t just me.” There was real affection in Daichi’s smile. “Man, I’m going to miss that next year - Suga and Asahi and Kiyoko and I, all together… What about you guys?”

“My team’s gonna be great next year!” Bokuto exclaimed. “Akaashi’s gonna be such a good captain! He won’t take any shit from anyone!”

“I suppose he’ll be able to devote more mental energy to strategizing without you to deal with,” Oikawa mused.

“Hey!”

“The man has a point,” Kuroo said.  “And doesn’t Akaashi do a lot of your work for you already, anyway?”

“He’s vice-captain!  And he’s better at writing and stuff!  Plus, he likes paperwork - says it relaxes him, or something.”

“That is a very valuable person to have on your team,” Ushijima remarked.

Bokuto beamed. “Damn right! I’m the heart of the team, and he’s the head. It works. I’m gonna miss him, though,” he admitted, grin slipping off his face as quickly as it had come. “Everyone else, too. I keep thinking, like, what if they go to Nationals next year, and they win a bunch of matches without me?  I’d be so proud of them, obviously, but kind of sad, too.  Like they didn’t need me any more.”

“I wish I could say that about my team,” Oikawa muttered.

All eyes suddenly turned to him.

“What?”  He scowled.  “If Seijoh wasn’t able to beat Shiratorizawa _or_ Karasuno with me, and Iwa-chan, and Mattsun, and Makki, then there’s no way they’ll be able to do it without us.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Daichi said.

Oikawa tilted his chair back to stare at his ceiling.  “It is, though.  Our strategy will still be good, our players will still be solid, but it won’t be enough.  Yahaba - that’s one of our second-years, a setter like me - he’s good, he can lead, but he isn’t confident enough.  He cares too much about how other people see him.”

“That’s funny, coming from you,” Kuroo quipped. Oikawa halfheartedly flipped him off.

“Really, though, Oikawa, I think your team will be okay,” Bokuto spoke up.

Oikawa sighed.  “You’re just saying that to be nice.”

“No, really!” Bokuto leaned in closer to his camera, an earnest expression in his golden eyes.  “I don’t know too much about your team, but I know you - I know that you worked really, really hard to be as good as you are. You might not have gotten to Nationals, but you made your team great. You left this - this legacy of not just working really hard, but working _together,_ working _with_ each other, working _for_ each other, and I think your teammates can live up to it. They’ll try to - not be like you, but do things like you. Practice like you, or think like you.  Except maybe nicer.”

“You sound like Iwa-chan,” Oikawa replied, but there was a smile curling around his words.

“I agree with Bokuto,” Daichi added.  “You made Aoba Johsai terrifying, Oikawa, I’m not going to deny that - but even without you, they’ve got your libero, those two first-years, that wild spiker, and who knows what new first-years you’ll get next year, right?”

“Right!” Oikawa pointed at Daichi - but it was hard for him to appear convincingly menacing while grinning.  “Forget everything I said before.  My kouhais are going to kick your kouhais’ asses!”

Daichi’s smile became significantly less friendly. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Alright, whatever, but when your kouhais get to Nationals - whichever of your kouhais gets to Nationals - my kouhais are gonna kick _their_ asses!” Bokuto exclaimed, not to be outdone. He stood up in excitement, and then remembered something. “Be right back, I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” Kuroo observed fondly.

Bokuto threw finger guns and a wink at the screen as he backed out of the camera’s range. “You know it, bro.”

Kuroo rested his elbows on his desk and his chin on his linked hands. “Nekoma is going to be okay next year, I think. Blood is renewable - it’s not any specific player that makes us great, it’s all of us together. Whoever our captain is will be able to bring the team together and let the brain function normally.”

Oikawa tilted his head to one side. “You don’t know who your new captain is going to be?”

Kuroo shook his head. “The coach chooses at the beginning of the new school year. Does Seijoh do it differently?”

“The old captain chooses the new leadership,” Oikawa replied. “But there’s usually an obvious choice.”

“Karasuno’s second-years vote at the end of the year,” Daichi put in.

“Hey hey, guess who’s back!” Bokuto arrived in his frame with snacks and a smile. “Akaashi says hi. What do Karasuno’s second-years vote about?”

“It’s how we choose our new captain,” Daichi answered. “What about Fukurodani?”

"The team holds a meeting and comes to an agreement,” said Bokuto. “It’s definitely going to be Akaashi, though. Ushiwaka, how do you do it? Hey - Ushiwaka!”

Ushijima looked up, carefully setting down his mug, which he had been staring into as if it contained all the secrets of the universe.

“Yes?”

“How do you select captains at Shiratorizawa?”

“We hold a brawl,” Ushijima told them. “And whichever of the second-years wins is the next captain.”

There was a moment of stunned silence.

“Oh my god,” whispered Kuroo.

Bokuto let out a low whistle. “That’s _intense_ , bro.”

“Is that safe?” asked Daichi, concerned.

Ushijima blinked at them. “I was making a joke.”

“...oh.”

“Are you okay, bro?” Bokuto asked.

“I am,” Ushijima said slowly, “very drunk.”

Bokuto choked on his rice cracker and flew into a violent coughing fit before he managed, “ _What?_ ”

“I am drunk,” Ushijima repeated, a little louder.

“No, no, I heard you!”

“I cannot feel my face.”

“Oh man.” Kuroo leaned forward, the captaincy debate forgotten. “So you actually did get alcohol for your team’s party?”

“You told me to,” Ushijima pointed out, and calmly submerged his entire fist in his mug. Liquid swelled up around his hand and spilled over the lip of the mug onto his desk, and he stared at it, uncomprehending.

“Ushiwaka, are you okay?” Daichi asked over Oikawa’s cackling.

“That wasn’t the handle,” Ushijima announced.

Kuroo hid a snicker behind his hand. “Pick your hand up, bro.”

“Okay.”

“Other hand.”

“Okay.”

“Now move it to your left, and down a bit - jeez, this is like one of those claw games - and down.”

“Thank you,” Ushijima said, and immediately gulped down half of the mug’s contents.

“How much alcohol is very drunk, Ushiwaka?” asked Oikawa, with malice glinting in his eyes.

Ushijima gazed at the mug in his hand. “About half a bottle.”

“Of sake?”

Ushiwaka shook his head. “It was called absolute, I think.”

“Holy shit,” Oikawa and Bokuto said in unison.

“Did you mix it with anything?” Kuroo asked him.

Ushijima tilted his head in confusion. “Why would I do that?”

“ _Shit,_ ” said Kuroo in admiration. “You’ve been drinking straight vodka this entire time?”

Ushiwaka opened his mouth and rolled some words around in it to test its functionality before answering, “I’m not straight anything.”

“Bro, you’re a gift,” Bokuto told him. Kuroo started snorting his awful horse-laugh. Daichi rolled his eyes, but a telltale quirk at the corner of his mouth revealed his amusement.

“Thanks,” said Ushijima - and then he smiled, real and honest, brown eyes radiating warmth like a kotatsu in the middle of winter. “You are too. All of you.”

Bokuto made a delighted noise. “You have a beautiful smile, bro!”

The smile grew bigger. “I’m glad I met you guys,” Ushijima said. He tipped his mug up to drain the last of it down his throat. “I’m not usually very good at talking to people.”

“Technically, you’ve barely met me and Bokuto,” Kuroo pointed out.

“Wait, really?” asked Daichi.

“Bokuto and I have encountered each other at Nationals these past few years,” Ushijima said, “but only briefly.”

“Bro!”

“Yes, Bokuto?”

“We weren’t friends yet then! We have to hang out now! Nationals doesn’t count, that was _ages_ ago.”

Ushijima tilted his head slightly, then more, until his neck was craned at an uncomfortable angle and his ear was nearly touching his shoulder. “But you live very far away.”

“There are trains,” Kuroo suggested.

Ushijima furrowed his brow. “I cannot run as far as a train.”

“You don’t have to run, bro, you can take the train!”

“I could take it in a contest of sprinting,” Ushijima said, “but not distance.” He nodded in agreement with himself. “I am sure about that.”

“No, no,” Kuroo interjected, “you can _ride_ the train. Inside it. To Tokyo.”

“Oh.”

“If it’s on a weekend, I can come,” said Daichi. “Maybe the Saturday after this? We could leave together after breakfast, and come home in time for a late dinner?”

“Yes!” Bokuto was practically glowing. “Kuroo, you can come, yeah?”

“Anything for you, bro. Ushijima, are you free then?”

“I think so,” said Ushijima, “but please remind me in the morning. I am not sure how much I am drunk but it feels like.”

“...Feels like…?” Daichi asked uncertainly

“Feels like,” Ushijima repeated.

“...Okay. Well, I’ll remind you tomorrow, it’s going to be really fun - Oikawa, what are you looking at me like that for?”

“Nothing,” Oikawa responded swiftly, but his sullen tone told a different story. Silence fell for a moment as the other captains stared at him curiously.

Kuroo was the first to realize, and he laughed aloud. “Of _course_ you’re invited, dumbass.”

“I - shut up,” grumbled Oikawa as Bokuto laughed at him. He ducked his head, but it was to no avail; his webcam still caught the corners of his pleased smile.

“Seriously, though, can we make this happen?” Bokuto asked. “Cause I haven’t seen the Miyagi guys since _Nationals_ , which is awful, and Kuroo since two days ago, which is worse.”

“We could take the train to Tokyo together,” Daichi said. “If Oikawa and Ushijima could stand being around each other for that long.”

Ushijima frowned. “I don’t want to fight with Oikawa.”

“So this is the perfect opportunity!” Bokuto exclaimed. “You can talk to each other without a net between you!”

“That might be…nice,” Oikawa allowed, with a slightly pained expression.

Kuroo grinned. “And I can roast Oikawa in person.”

“I take it back.”

“Too late. You can’t un-build a bridge.”

“You literally can-”

“Bokuto, what did you have in mind?” asked Daichi, interrupting the budding conflict.

“Dunno!” Bokuto didn’t seem particularly bothered by the vagueness of the plan. “Get food, talk about our feelings… Maybe walk around and look for dogs-”

“I WOULD LIKE THAT,” Daichi blurted.

“I know, bro, I know.”

“Maybe Sawamura could see the _actual_ Tokyo Tower,” Kuroo added with a malicious grin.

Oikawa cocked his head. “As opposed to…?”

“Well-”

“You don’t have to do this,” Daichi cut in with a warning look.

Kuroo leered at him. “Why not? Afraid the story would get a bad... _reception?_ ”

Daichi groaned. “You say _my_ sense of humor is awful?”

“Puns and making fun of you are the two highest forms of humor.”

“Actually though!” Bokuto had perked up. “It’s only, like, nine hundred yen to go up the Tower. And it’s really pretty.”

“I could go to the One Piece store and buy something for Tendou,” Ushijima mused.

“That sounds awesome!” Bokuto beamed. “This is gonna be great. I’m so glad we made this chat.”

“I am too,” Kuroo agreed. “It was a great idea.”

“I really have the best ideas, don’t I!”

“It was _my_ idea, you brainless feathery asshole.”

Bokuto waved aside his friend’s retort with a magnanimous hand, and Kuroo stuck out his tongue childishly before continuing. “You’re right, though, it was a good idea. We could’ve gone all through high school and never really talked to each other.”

“Or we could’ve hated each other,” Daichi said. “We’re fated rivals, remember?”

“We used to be.”

Daichi blinked. “What?”

“We’re graduating tomorrow,” Kuroo reminded him. “We’re never going to play with our old teams again.”

That was a sobering thought, and the call fell into brief silence.

Bokuto, of course, was the one to break it, with an excited “Dude, what if we end up playing against each other in college?”

Kuroo smirked. “Then I’d still take you down.”

Bokuto cracked his knuckles. “You could try.”

“Ushiwaka’s probably going professional, right?” Daichi cut in.

“Mm,” the spiker in question agreed.

“Bro, your camera’s swaying,” said Kuroo.

“I think it’s me,” said Ushijima tranquilly.

“Oh.”

“Well, for those of us who are _mortals_ ,” said Oikawa with a sharp, bright smile, “we might also end up playing on the same teams.” He rested his chin on his hands, a contemplative look taking over his bitter one. “Actually, that might be interesting.”

“Are you sure you’d want to play on the same team as me?” Kuroo asked innocently. “Considering that you’d have to accept being the second-most-attractive player in the gym.”

“I can think of a lot of reasons I wouldn’t want you on my team, but that’s not one of them,” Oikawa shot back.

“I’d play on your team, Oikawa!” Bokuto interjected. “That way we could have Frankencaptain’s face and arms, at least.”

“Please don’t bring that back,” Kuroo groaned, and was thoroughly ignored.

“Yeah!” Oikawa smiled again at Bokuto, genuinely this time. “I think it’d be fun to set for you, Bokuto.”

“Thank you!” Bokuto beamed at him. “You’re really a good guy, you know that?”

“I am, aren’t I,” Oikawa agreed.

Kuroo made an upset noise. “Bokuto, why don’t you ever tell me I’m a good guy?”

“You’re a _grea_ -”

“No he’s not,” Oikawa cut him off.

Kuroo made a token attempt at a distressed look, but the effect was ruined by the smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Why’re you so mean to me, Oikawa?”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “Grinch song. Star Wars spoilers. X-Files doc.”

“In my defense, it’s not _just_ X Files in that doc.”

Daichi frowned. “Quit antagonizing each oth-”

“No, it’s fine,” interrupted Kuroo, with a shit-eating grin breaking through his mock pout. “He’s pretending otherwise, but he enjoys this.”

Oikawa folded his arms over his chest, although the gesture came across as more petulant than intimidating. “I do not.”

“It’s been months, you can’t pretend you don’t like us.” Oikawa’s objection was drowned out by Kuroo’s singsongy _you liiiiiike us_ , and he made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat.

“You’re five years old, I swear!”

“Well, I suppose you _are_ spending your night with us,” Daichi pointed out.

“You spent last Saturday night watching Star Wars with me,” Kuroo added.

Bokuto’s eyes were wide and guileless. “Bro, you like us, don’t you?”

Oikawa’s sulk was in full swing, but all eyes were on him now, and he couldn’t deflect the question.

“I like Bokuto,” he mumbled.

“I like you too, bro!”

“That doesn’t count, you like everyone.”

Bokuto pouted at Daichi’s screen rectangle. “Aw.”

“He’s right, bro,” Kuroo told him. “Oikawa, what about the rest of us, eh?”

“Sawamura is nice. You’re…” Oikawa’s mouth twisted around the words. “Tolerable.”

Kuroo cackled. “I’ll take it.”

“I still hate Ushiwaka,” Oikawa added defiantly.

“I really don’t understand why,” said Ushijima around another sip from his mug. “I never did anything but beat you.”

“You’re doing it right now - acting like it was no big deal!”

“I don’t mean to,” Ushijima said.

“Ugh, I _know_ that, but-”

“Aw, c’mon, guys,” Bokuto interrupted. “Isn’t that all in the past now?”

Oikawa looked at him, slightly taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to hate Ushiwaka anymore, do you?”

“ _Of course I do!_ He - he-”

“Hey, hey. Relax, even if it’s just for tonight. You’re never going to face each other again, you know?” Bokuto was smiling, as ever, but his eyes were oddly gentle. “You can learn to move on.”

“I-” Oikawa’s expression was torn halfway between anger and betrayal, and he rose half-out of his seat. “How can you say something like that! I might not have been able to beat him, but I’m not _weak-_ ”

“No, bro!” Bokuto leaned forward. “It would show that you’re _strong_. You’ve got a future to fight for, you know?”

Oikawa’s mouth snapped shut, and he dropped back down into his chair. His shoulders hunched infinitesimally.

“He’s right,” Daichi put in. “We’ve got no _next time_ left to hold out for.”

“Yeah,” Kuroo agreed. “I’ll always be most loyal to Nekoma, but next year’s rivalries aren’t ours anymore.”

Bokuto rested his chin on his hand. “Then it’s good that we made this chat. Cause otherwise we would’ve been so focused on winning, we wouldn’t have remembered to have fun til it was too late.”

Daichi nodded his agreement. “Playing volleyball is much more enjoyable like this.”

“The seeds of friendship have yielded a bountiful crop,” Ushijima said.

Bokuto pointed at his screen in victory. “A joke!”

“Yes,” Ushijima confirmed.

Kuroo’s snort and Bokuto’s delighted chuckle were interrupted by a strangled noise from Oikawa’s microphone.

“Oikawa?” Daichi asked.

“Bro?” Bokuto added.

“What?” Oikawa swiped furiously at his eyes, but even on their computer screens, the other captains could clearly see wetness on his cheeks. “There’s nothing to see here. I’m fine. I’m totally fine.”

“You’re crying,” Ushijima observed.

“I am _not_ -”

“It’s okay to cry,” Ushijima continued. He leaned forward in his seat, staring earnestly at Oikawa’s face on his screen. “You’re graduating soon, leaving your friends and your team.  I feel the same way.”

Oikawa buried his head in his hands.  “What the fuck.”

Ushijima was undeterred. “I remember after we lost to Karasuno, at the practice we had afterwards, I gave all the underclassmen on the team something that I thought they could work on for the next year.  And it surprised me, how much they listened to me. I don’t think I was ever a very good captain. All I did was lead practice and spike in matches. But that practice - and tonight, at the party - they all said they would work hard for me. And try to get to nationals next year so that I could watch them win. And the other third years all said they would watch my matches on TV, and - oh.” Ushijima looked down at his hand. “That’s interesting.”

“I think that’s the longest I’ve ever heard you talk for,” Kuroo said, at the same time as Bokuto asked, “What’s interesting, bro?”

“My hand,” Ushijima replied. “It’s wet. I don’t know why?”  He picked it up and held it up to the camera, as though asking for expert analysis.  Bokuto and Kuroo both leaned in to examine it.

“Is it vodka?” asked Kuroo.

Ushijima shook his head. “No, this is the other hand.”

“Taste it?” suggested Bokuto.

Ushijima obliged. “It tastes a bit salty.”

Bokuto and Kuroo exchanged a look.

“I have no idea, bro,” said Kuroo.

“Me neither,” added Bokuto.

Daichi, meanwhile, hadn’t taken his eyes off of Oikawa.

“Hey,” he said.  “Oikawa.  Are you okay?”

“NO!” the setter practically shouted, and the other three members of the call startled in surprise.  His face emerged from behind his hands, red rims forming around his eyes.  “I’m not okay!  How can I be _okay_ when I’m leaving my team - leaving Seijoh - _forever?_  Fucking - listening to Ushiwaka talk about fucking _Shiratorizawa_ made me think about - we never got to nationals, but everyone worked so hard, they worked _so hard-_ ” Oikawa was crying in earnest now, angrily wiping snot bubbles from his nose. “They _deserved_ to go to nationals - I’m going to miss playing with them all so much - I’m even going to miss - fucking _Ushiwaka_ \- gave me someone to fight against -”

“Hey now,” Daichi interjected. “That’s nothing to be sad about - I mean that, stop hiccupping at me! High school wasn’t meant to last forever, and haven’t you had the time of your life while you were here?”

“I - you don’t understand, Sawamura.” Oikawa’s face was blotching, and he sucked in a shuddery breath, staring at his hands. “Not that you’re - that you’re not - it’s that nobody _knows_ me like my friends do, nobody else has what we have ...  Hajime and Issei and Takahiro and I, when we were first-years, we started singing together, on the bus on the way to games. And none of us can sing very well, but it was okay because we were singing _together_ , a-and we’ve done that on the way to every game, as long as I can remember… And tomorrow we’re going to sing one last time at graduation, and then after that…” His voice broke, and the tears started flowing anew. “There’s only one more _tomorrow_ for us! And after that, we’ll never sing together again-”

“Maybe not with _that_ attitude!” Bokuto interrupted him. Oikawa looked up to find the ace grinning at his camera. “They’re only going to be gone if you let them go, right?”

“We’re all going to different universities, you overly-optimistic birdbrain.” There was more sadness than bite in the wavering words.

Bokuto was undeterred. “They’re not going to let that stop them, you know! You’ve fought together and laughed together and sung together and grown together, and you never forget the people you’ve loved.”

“...Love?” Oikawa tipped his head, slight confusion in his red eyes. “That’s love?”

“Of course it’s love,” Bokuto declared. “You love them, and they love you, and that doesn’t go away.”

“They love me,” Oikawa repeated, and his lips began to curve upwards.

“There’s going to be new first-years that sing together,” Kuroo added. “Just as there were third-years that left before you. A team isn’t just the members. It’s the spirit.”

A tiny smile broke out across Oikawa’s face. “You know, one time I was about to serve in a game, and there was a lot of pressure on me, and I was right on the edge of freaking out? And instead of telling me that they knew I could do it or that they were counting on me, they started shouting orders for the ramen they’d make me buy them if I missed.” He sniffed again, but with a happier lilt in his voice as he added wistfully, “They always knew exactly what I needed.”

“You’ve got a lot of good memories with them, huh?” There was no sarcasm in Kuroo’s voice, and Oikawa gave him a real smile in return.

“This other time, I overslept and came to school with a hanger in the back of my shirt, and they called me Hanger Tooru so much that people started asking if I was half-foreign.”

Bokuto choked on a laugh. “Oh my god, dude, they made you a meme?”

“I _am_ a meme.” Oikawa wiped his nose on his sleeve, looking self-satisfied.

Daichi’s eyes glinted. “You could say it was a good _meme_ -ory.”

Kuroo started coughing on his own spit at the same time that Bokuto cried out, “ _Sawamura!_ ”

“What?” Daichi’s tone was nonchalant, but he looked absurdly pleased with himself. “I’m picking up on the hip new slang, you know.  And besides, I can relate to Oikawa.  I, too, was a meme once.”

“You were?” Ushijima asked.

“When this chat was first made, and Kuroo and Bokuto tried to explain to me what a meme is,” Daichi said.  “Kuroo edited this picture of me to have the words, ‘What is a meme’ on it in some funny font - I printed it out, I think I have it somewhere.”  Daichi disappeared into his room, and the sounds of faint rumagging could be heard over video.

Kuroo chuckled.  “Oh, my God, I totally forgot about that.”

“I didn’t.”  Daichi emerged, triumphant, with a picture held aloft in his hand: it was, true to his word, that same picture that Kuroo had edited the previous summer.

Bokuto started applauding, hooting in admiration.  Kuroo joined in, followed by a reluctant Oikawa.  Ushijima slowly thumped his (now empty) mug on the table a few times.

“Okay,” said Oikawa, once the noise had died down, “but as impressive as that is, I think we can all agree that if even _you’re_ making meme jokes, we know they’re dated.”

“ _You’re_ a dated meme,” Kuroo pointed out. “Hanger Tooru was one of those fifteen-minutes-of-fame memes.”

“I wish. They’ve been regularly making fun of me for it for months.”

“I’d make fun of you for that too.”

“I know, Kuroo. Oh! And another time - we were watching the Muppets Christmas Carol movie before Christmas, and Mattsun said that I reminded him of Kermit-”

He was interrupted by a snort from Bokuto, and broke into giggles. “No, seriously!”

“I see it! You look like a frog!”

“You do kind of have the same face,” Daichi observed.

“You’re the fourth person who’s told me that!”

“I agree,” Ushijima agreed.

There was a lull as Oikawa remembered, and then he spoke again. His voice was still wet, but he was smiling.

“You know… When I think about high school, it’s not losing to Shiratorizawa or Karasuno that I’m going to remember. It’s singing.”

“I feel the same way,” Daichi agreed. “Going to nationals was the best part of high school for me, but… I was never fighting _against_ the people on the opposition’s side of the net. I was fighting _for_ all the pork buns and hard practices I’ve shared with the people on mine.”

“Also!” Bokuto pointed a finger into the air. “We don’t have to disappear _completely_ , right?”

“That’s true,” said Daichi. “It’s not like we’re dying. We can still come back and cheer our kouhais on. Or come back and make sure our kouhais aren’t killing each other.”

Oikawa snuffled a little. “You’re right, I can still make fun of Tobio-chan even when I’m at college.”

“That is not what I meant.”

“If I’m not on a rival team anymore, I can go help Hinata practice when we’re not at training camps!”

“That’s more like it.”

“He’s going to be a legend, you know.” For once, Kuroo’s tone was completely sincere.

“Oh, I know,” Daichi assured him. “The others too - Kageyama has learned to play as part of a team, and Tsukishima’s finally starting to understand why this game is worth putting your soul into, and Yamaguchi is standing taller and prouder than he was at the beginning of the year, and Yachi is so much more confident now than she was when she joined the club, and Tanaka and Nishinoya are starting to become leaders … This team has come so far, and I’m so proud of all of them.”

“Yeah, tell us again about what a good dad you are, Dadchi,” Oikawa teased, still sniffling.

Daichi fixed him with a stern look, but his glare didn’t have its usual terrifying force.  “It’s not that, it’s just - I’ve spent so much time with all of these guys, and I’ve gotten to watch them grow, and figure out what they’re good at, both on and off the court, and really find their places on the team… They’re all so talented, and so determined, and I know they’re going to keep fighting no matter what, and… Being part of Karasuno and raising of all of them with Suga, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, and maybe I can’t keep them under my wing forever, but I’ve watched them grow, and that’s all I could ever ask for-”

His voice hitched on the word _ever_.

“Oh, shit, Sawamura, not you too!” Bokuto cried out. But it was too late - Daichi’s attempts to speak were thwarted by the lump lodged in his throat, and his shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. Oikawa wailed afresh, and Bokuto’s smile started to waver, like words looked at through a glass of water.

“I’m s-sorry,” Daichi said, voice breaking around the words.  “But I guess - I guess it’s better for this to happen now than tomorrow, when I have to say goodbye to my team…”

“Saying goodbye to your team,” Bokuto repeated. The ace’s eyes were bright. Almost...too bright. And then, as Kuroo squinted hard at his screen, Bokuto let out a telltale sniffle and swiped at his face with his sleeve.

"Bro, why are YOU crying?!"

"P-” Bokuto hiccuped. “Peer pressure…”

“Calm down, bro,” Kuroo said, leaning back in his chair.

Bokuto shook his head vehemently, and then burst out with a flood of sound. “I-it's just, after today I have to leave my team  _forever_ , you know? No more movie nights, or ramen parties before games, or contests to see who stinks the most after a hard practice, or Washio blocking, or Sarukui yelling at me when I miss a serve, or Konoha and Komi talking shit about the other team, or Akaashi sending perfect tosses and telling me to calm down and hugging me when we win and … and …”

“No more Fukurodani, at least - at least not _your_ Fukurodani,” Daichi finished for him.

“You’re not _helping_ ,” Bokuto wailed. He dropped his head down onto his desk, then let out a few muffled words that nobody else could catch.

“Bro, are you okay?” Kuroo asked, peering into his camera.

Bokuto lifted his head for a moment, just long enough to say, “Leave me be, don’t talk to me,” then cocooned it even more tightly in his arms.

“If you want to talk, you can,” Daichi told him.

“Yeah,” Kuroo added.  “We won’t judge you.”

“We’ll only judge you a little bit,” Oikawa said.  Kuroo shot him a look, upon which he corrected, “I mean, we won’t at all.”

Ushijima nodded.

Bokuto’s arms let out a muffled howl.

“What did you say?”  Kuroo reached out a hand, as though to rub his back through the screen.

Bokuto raised his head, revealing red-rimmed eyes and tearstained distress on his face.

_“I love all of my friends so much and I don’t want to leave them!”_

Kuroo stared at his best friend - and something in his expression shifted, something none of the others could quite catch.

“Stay right there, Bokuto,” he said quietly.  And then, pointing at the other captains, “All of you keep telling sappy stories or something.  I’ll be back on in twenty minutes.”

Kuroo closed his laptop with a snap.

“What - what is he doing?” Bokuto asked, sniffling.

“Something important,” Ushijima replied.

“Okay.”

“Once, in our first year, Suga, Asahi and I got really lost on a run,” Daichi started suddenly.

“Sawamura, what’re you doing?” Oikawa wondered.

“Kuroo said to tell sappy stories while he was gone, so that’s what I’m doing,” Daichi said simply.  “We got really lost, and we ended up walking around the town we ended up in for two hours, asking different people if they knew how to get to Karasuno High School.  By the time we finally got back, practice was already over, and the captain was so mad, he made us clean up the gym for a month afterwards - but we really bonded, I think.  I actually talked to Asahi without him being terrified for the first time that day.”

For a moment, the other captains looked at Daichi - staring off into the distance, as though picturing three lost first-years finding their way home together.

And then, Ushijima spoke up.  “Once, Satori got our whole team to watch this really weird American movie together.  It was some strange movie about a shark, or a monster, or a giant monster-shark - I honestly don’t remember.  I just remember learning all of these things about my teammates that I’d never known before.  That Semi can throw pieces of popcorn up and catch them in his mouth, and that Reon says things like, ‘There we go’ when he sits down, and that Yamagata loses his phone really easily, and that Satori can talk through almost anything.”

“One time, Akaashi told me I’d done really well in a game,” Bokuto said.

Oikawa eyed him skeptically.  “Isn’t that a fairly normal occurrence?”

Bokuto shook his head. “No. And especially not this time. It was after a really hard game, and …”

The four of them continued - stories about Bokuto coercing his team into pranking the girls’ team (and getting severely punished for it), stories about Oikawa’s friends teaming up to force him to stop thinking about volleyball for a week each year, stories about Shimizu helping the other Karasuno third-years not fail their classes, stories about Ushijima losing track of his entire team at tournaments because he simply moved faster than they did. The stories flowed, along with happier tears, until a sudden slamming sound echoed through the call from Bokuto’s end.

Oikawa caught sight of the movement in the background of Bokuto's room, and his red-rimmed eyes widened. "Bokuto, heads up!"

Bokuto was halfway through a quizzical response when something lean and dark-haired hit him like a bullet out of hell. His chair crashed onto the floor and he soon followed - soon, only his feet were visible, mismatched socks dangling upside-down in the air like confused streamers in the living room two hours after the party ended.

Daichi was so surprised, he stopped crying for a moment to exclaim, "Holy shit, Bokuto, are you okay?"

From somewhere below the camera’s range, excited noises of recognition were interspersed with Bokuto’s renewed crying. After a brief scuffle, Bokuto rose from the ground and righted his chair, then sat down in it again. Kuroo unfolded himself from the ground and hopped into Bokuto’s lap, snuggling up against his best friend and resting his chin on the top of Bokuto’s head. Bokuto leaned into his touch, then wiped his snot on Kuroo’s shirt.

“You’re nasty,” Kuroo told him affectionately, and planted a kiss on the top of his head.

“I am,” Bokuto agreed.

Oikawa cooed at the display, and Kuroo smiled at the webcam. “I’m glad you guys cheered up a bit while I was gone.”

“We told stories,” Ushijima said. He was swaying from side to side in earnest now, but his voice was still relatively clear.

“I’m glad,” Kuroo told him.

“How did you even get in there?” Daichi asked. Then, to Bokuto, he added, “Don’t tell me you gave him a key.”

“Akaashi let me in,” Kuroo answered. “And I came on my moped.”

“On your-” Daichi started, then stopped. “You know what? I don’t even want to know.”

“That’s probably for the best,” said the moped owner in question.

“You know what _isn’t_ for the best?” Oikawa exclaimed. “Graduation! Leaving! Having to go from seeing people you - people you _love_ every day to only talking to them sometimes! It’s fucking stupid - I want to find out who invented graduation and serve a ball right into their dumb face-”

“Come on, you don’t really mean that,” Daichi cut him off.

"Oh, don't I?"

"You've got a lot of life left to live, you know?" Kuroo put in. "New places, new teams, new friends to mock you mercilessly."

"Heh. I suppose that's true," Oikawa admitted.

“Besides, it's late at night right now. It’ll all be better in the morning, I promise.”

Oikawa gave him a watery nod, and then his eyes narrowed. “You better not be taking screenshots of me crying.”

Kuroo laughed out loud at the weak threat, but his smile was genuine. “I wouldn’t do that.  I actually enjoy your company, you know.”

Oikawa blinked a few times, then started giggling. “I like you too, you know that?”

Kuroo’s mouth dropped open, and Oikawa wrapped his arms around his knees defensively at the other captain’s look of incredulity. “Wh-what? You’re nice sometimes…”

“I agree,” put in Ushijima suddenly, with surprising lucidity in his eyes. "You care about your friends and teammates very much. You said your team is renewable, but Nekoma is going to miss you. I know I would."

He paused, giving Kuroo a moment to respond. However, the combined words of the two Miyagi captains had done the impossible: they had rendered Kuroo Tetsurou speechless.

Daichi took the opportunity to contribute. “They’re right, Kuroo. You made all of Karasuno feel welcome at the camp amongst four powerhouse schools, you managed to make my most apathetic first-year fall in love with volleyball, and you connected the five of us, when otherwise we would’ve stayed strangers or enemies, and-”

“ _Guys-_ ” Kuroo had buried his face in his hands, but the tips of his ears were bright red.

“Bro,” Bokuto blurted out, “you have the _sickest memes_ -”

That was the final straw.

A quiet sob emerged from behind Kuroo’s hands - but before anyone could tease him for it, Bokuto pulled his best friend to a standing position, then wrapped him in a bear hug tight enough to squeeze his sadness away.  (At least, that seemed to be the goal.)

“Bro,” Kuroo gasped.

Bokuto patted his hair.  “I know.”

“No, bro. Bro. I can’t breathe.”

“Oh.” Bokuto loosened his hold, but he still kept his arms wrapped around Kuroo. “Sorry.”

Kuroo shook his head. “No, it’s okay, it’s okay.” He tugged Bokuto back into their earlier position, squeezing into the too-small desk chair as though it had been built for two. Kuroo leaned into his friend, took a deep breath, then peered at the computer screen.

“Shit,” he said.

“What?” Bokuto asked, rubbing circles into Kuroo’s back.

“Everyone’s crying.”

Oikawa shook his head and pointed at his screen accusingly.  “Ushiwaka’s not crying.”

“That’s true,” Kuroo agreed.  “He isn’t.”

“He should be,” Oikawa said.

“Ushiwaka, why aren’t you crying?” Bokuto demanded.

“What?” Ushiwaka wondered.  He looked at each other captain in turn, confused.  “But I am.”

“You’re what?”

“Crying.  I have been for a while.”  Ushijima moved his camera in closer, so that the redness around his eyes was clearly visible.

“Huh,” Oikawa said in a small voice.  “I guess the stone giant does have feelings after all.”

Ushijima peered at him, red eyes less threatening now than any of the other captains had ever seen them. “Of course I do. I feel sad that I’m graduating and leaving my team. What was it Bokuto said earlier?” He paused, thinking, then said, “I love all of my friends so much, and I don’t want to leave them.  That was it.”

The quiet, plain admission of truth from the most honest amongst them broke something in the group of captains. Daichi’s shoulders started shaking again, and he reached out of the frame for a hankerchief, blowing his nose with a _honk,_ then continued to drip tears and snot onto his desk. Oikawa pressed his head against his knees, sucking in shuddery breaths as he cried quietly. In their desk chair, Bokuto wrapped his arms around Kuroo’s waist and cried against his shoulder, and Kuroo nestled closer to his best friend and let his tears drip down onto the top of Bokuto’s ridiculous hair. And Ushijima just closed his eyes and let hot, salty tears squeeze themselves from the corners of his eyelids and splash freely down his cheeks.

It was strange - even though they were sitting in four different rooms in four different cities, something - the talking, or the crying, or the stories they'd told each other - made them feel as though they were all in the same place.  As though the distance between captain and captain, team and team, person and person was shrinking - or perhaps it had never existed to begin with.

“So, we can all agree to never speak of this again?” Kuroo finally broke the silence, voice shaky. Ushijima’s deep chuckle rumbled amongst the instant chorus of vehement agreement.

“Imagine if our teams saw their captains sobbing on a Skype call the night before graduation,” said Oikawa, laughing a little.

“We’re not their captains anymore,” Daichi reminded him.  He was met with distressed protests.

“Sawamura, you’re making it worse!” Oikawa cried.

“No, it’s okay, it’s okay,” interrupted Kuroo. “Cause you know what?”

“What?” Bokuto asked, face pressed into his friend’s shoulder.

“Even if we leave our teams, we’ll still be with them in spirit,” Kuroo said, very seriously.  “Our hearts will stay with them.”

Bokuto gasped.  “Bro - you don’t mean -”

Kuroo nodded.  “I do.”

“What’s going on?” Daichi asked.

Bokuto looked at Kuroo.  “Should we show them?”

“I think we should show them.”

“Show us what?” Oikawa demanded.

Kuroo fiddled with his phone for a second, then held it up to his camera.  It was open to a video on Youtube.  Smirking like a tearful Cheshire cat, he pressed play.

A distinctive recorder melody soon filled the air, followed by several groans.

“Do we really have to go through this _again?_ ” Oikawa wondered, staring up at his ceiling as though it could provide him with answers.

“Again?” Bokuto asked. “We haven’t shown you this before.”

“You definitely have,” Daichi argued. “It was right after the Tokyo prefecture prelims.”

“Oh.” Bokuto’s face fell.

“Not a problem,” Kuroo cut in smoothly. “You can never listen to this beauty too many times.”

Oikawa shook his head. “You absolutely can. Once was too much.”

“Just shut it off, bro,” Bokuto mumbled dejectedly.

“Wait,” Ushijima said.

Everyone turned to look at him.

“Yeah?” Kuroo asked.

“I haven’t heard this before.  I want to listen.”

Ushijima was a hard guy to argue with, so Kuroo played the whole video, in solemn silence except for occasional fits of giggles from Kuroo and Bokuto, a couple of bemused chuckles from Daichi, and exasperated groans from Oikawa.  As the final strains of out-of-tune recorder faded into nothingness, Ushijima stared at his screen very intently.

“That was an excellent cover,” he announced. “Great performance. Very musical. Ten stars.”

And he promptly fell asleep on top of his desk.

“Oh no,” Bokuto cried, “we killed him!”

Kuroo patted his head. “No, bro, he just passed out. He drank a lot of alcohol, you know.”

"It's also..." Daichi checked his computer's clock. "Oh, it's two o'clock in the morning."

"Shit," said Kuroo, "that's late."

"We have to graduate in seven hours," announced Bokuto.

"Seven hours until the rest of our lives," Kuroo said pensively.

"Don't you start the waterworks again," Daichi warned him.

"I'm really tired." Oikawa’s mouth twisted. “I hate feeling legitimate emotions, it’s so exhausting.”

“You should get to bed,” Daichi told him, fatherly as always. For once, Oikawa was too sleepy to argue.

"You can stay over, right, bro?" Bokuto asked Kuroo's shoulder, and Kuroo nodded. "Then we're going to get to sleep. I wanna be awake for my own graduation."

"Alright." Daichi stretched his arms above his head, yawning hugely. "I'll go to sleep too, then."

"Goodnight, Sawamura," Kuroo said, leaning back against Bokuto.

"Mmhmm. Good luck with your ceremonies, guys."

"You too, bro!"

"Try not to cry too much," Oikawa added.

"Hypocrite," Kuroo said cheerfully.

“True," Oikawa admitted. "Goodnight, guys.”

_Call ended, duration 3:01:21._

 

_2:14 A.M._

**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** This is a message for Ushijima tomorrow morning, reminding him that we’re going to Tokyo the weekend after this one.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** And… For everyone, actually.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’m not sure how many of you are still awake, but I just want to say that I’m really grateful for this chat.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’ve learned a lot from all of you, and not just about volleyball.  I’m glad we’re friends.  
**HOOT HOOT:** SAWAMURAAAAAAAAAAA  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Actually, you can call me Daichi.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Half of my team already does.  
**HOOT HOOT:** DAIIIIICHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LOVE U  
**HOOT HOOT:** ALL OF U  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Love you too, Bokuto.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** <3  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ew  
**HOOT HOOT:** I LOVE OIKAWA ESPECIALLY  
**HOOT HOOT:** W ALL MY HEART  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ughhhhh  
**HOOT HOOT:** <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  
**perfectkawa ✌:** i love you too, you damn fruitcake  
**perfectkawa ✌:** although i would like to state for the record that none of you can call me tooru  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ever  
**ur favorite lolcat:** see you in two weeks, tooru-kun  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** _Goodnight_ , you children.  
**HOOT HOOT:** GNIGHT DAD  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’m not-  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Ah, whatever.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate title: "a skype call full of sobbing teenagers, just what im into" (we changed it to avoid spoilers)
> 
> chapter soundtrack is just [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rOHPcvCShA) on repeat (plus [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0B4lU_mF6c))
> 
> next week: the boys are back in tokyo


	6. epidogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi stared back at his friends in bewilderment. “What does weed look like?”
> 
> Oikawa started snickering. “You don’t know?”
> 
> “Yes, I don’t know what weed looks like,” Daichi said defensively. “You’d think that would be a good thing.”
> 
> “It looks like that,” Ushijima informed him, pointing.
> 
> Daichi breathed a sigh of relief. “Weed,” he told Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. to finish off this fic:  
> -an ao3 promo of the last [tumblr promo post](http://dicaeopolis.tumblr.com/post/139177856855), which is an Artistic Collage of comments/tags from the first five chapters (it is art),  
> -thanks to [two](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5819880/1/The-Baffled-King-and-The-Idiot-Hero) [legends](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1129769) that taught us the beauty of chatfic (mom are u reading this. thats u),  
> -thanks to [tumblr](http://rhymewithrachel.tumblr.com/)/[twitter](http://www.twitter.com/rhymewithrachel) user rhymewithrachel whose art of the captains squad heavily inspired us,  
> -thanks to [two](http://thatisadamnfinecupofcoffee.tumblr.com/) [particular](http://maximilien-de-brobespierre.tumblr.com/) supporters, the latter of whom is the reason betsy got into haikyuu in the first place (sorry there wasn't more kenma in this fic),  
> -millions of thanks to furudate, for creating ushijima wakatoshi. and some other characters too i guess  
> -(since this is becky dicaeopolis posting this and i want to publicly express my love) a special thanks to betsy owlinaminor, my partner in sin, the other half of the A Team, the kuroo to my bokuto, the kyoya to my tamaki, the horace to my catullus, the cool ranch to my chilli heatwave, for being not only a rad co-author but the real reason im ass-deep in this damn fandom in the first place,  
> -and thanks to you! judging by the comments/tags/kudos count, you've enjoyed reading this fic just as much as we've had a blast writing it, and you've all been wonderful and supportive readership throughout. hopefully you love ushijima wakatoshi a little bit more, or feel a little more inclined to accept aro bokuto as canon, or have a few more emotions about high school than you did before.
> 
> in response to a few questions we've gotten about this: sorry, but we aren't going to write a sequel or side stories! it feels complete, and we are both College Students with Not Much Time. that being said, feel free to put us both on author alert for everything we're planning to write/co-write in the future ;)
> 
> EDIT, as we've gotten a few questions about this too: if you want to write fic based off/inspired by this, please feel free! But we do ask that you give us credit by pasting the link to this fic in the "Inspired by" section when you publish your fic.
> 
> enjoy the epilogue! (why is the epilogue the longest chapter in the fic, you ask? shhhhhhhh.) all the Architecture Facts are true, and betsy invites you to ask her about [the aardvark](https://twitter.com/owlinaminor/status/706203716836323328).

_March 26, 2016  
_ _11:19 A.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** hows the train ride going?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** have they murdered each other yet  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Well.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** oh man

_Mr. Sugawara Daichi sent an image._

**Mr Sugawara Daichi:** They’re asleep on each other.  
**ur favorite lolcat:** omfg  
**HOOT HOOT:** GOLD

_Mr. Sugawara Daichi sent an image._

**ur favorite lolcat:** IS THAT DROOL

* * *

“Hey, guys.”

Oikawa looked up from where he was gazing out the train window, watching Tokyo roll by old and new, silver and black, glass and concrete.

“Yeah?” he asked Daichi.

“Where are we meeting Kuroo and Bokuto?” Daichi wondered.  “At the station, or somewhere else?”

“The station’s pretty big,” Oikawa said.  “Iwa-chan and I nearly got lost trying to find a bathroom the last time we were here.”

“You couldn’t just hold it?”

Both Oikawa and Daichi turned to Ushijima, sitting in the aisle seat.  He’d been fairly quiet for the past hour or so, just listening to music on his headphones - they’d assumed, after he’d sat completely still for a solid half-hour with his eyes closed, that he’d fallen back asleep.

“Not all of us have bladders of steel like you, Ushiwaka-chan,” Oikawa retorted.

“I don’t have a bladder of steel,” Ushijima replied.  “I just strategically plan out when and how much I drink water in order to control my kidneys so that I only have to pee at convenient times.”

Daichi and Oikawa stared at him.

“That was a joke.”

Another moment passed, then Daichi gave a polite chuckle.  Oikawa only continued to stare.

“I never get your jokes, Ushiwaka-chan,” he said.

Ushijima shrugged.  “That’s probably because you don’t understand sarcasm.”

“What?!” Oikawa spluttered.  “I’ll have you know I got a ninety-five on my modern literature exam!  And I -”

“Guys,” Daichi interrupted him.  “The train is stopping.  And I still have no idea where Bokuto and Kuroo are meeting us.”

“They’re going to be waiting in the central part of the station,” Ushijima informed him, standing up to grab his backpack from the overhead rack.

“Oh.”  Daichi reached up to grab his own bag, then stopped.  “Wait.  How come you know this and I don’t?”

“It was in the group chat.”  Ushijima got Daichi’s bag, then handed it to him.

“Oh,” Daichi repeated.  “Thanks.”

“Hey, Daichi,” Oikawa said suddenly, pointing out the window at the last passing telephone pole before the train track dipped underground and began to speed through the dark tunnel towards the center of the city, “do you think that’s the Tokyo Tower?”

Daichi’s face darkened.  “You know, it’s really impressive that Iwaizumi doesn’t punch you ten times a day.”

“Iwa-chan _loves_ me,” Oikawa said with a self-satisfied grin, drawing out the _loves_ loud enough and long enough that other people on the train turned to stare.  Daichi and Ushijima headed out of their row and towards the doors in an attempt to pretend that they didn’t know him.

Oikawa gasped theatrically, then hurried to catch up, knocking into seats and annoyed fellow passengers.  The three captains reached the front of the train car just as the platform came into view, all bright fluorescents and colorful advertisements on the columns.

“Does everyone have their cell phones?” Daichi asked as they gripped the handrail for balance.  “Wallets?  Water bottles?  Snacks?  Chargers?  Extra socks?”

Ushijima nodded at each question.  Oikawa just sighed. “You did this when we got on the train, too.”

“It’s important to be aware of your belongings,” Daichi replied.  “Every time we go to an away game, Karasuno loses something.  Although I’ve gotten the average down from ten things to four over the past year,” he added, puffing his chest up proudly.

“Every time I talk to you, I understand more and more why the others call you a dad,” Ushijima told him.  Oikawa stifled a snicker.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

Before Ushijima could answer, the train screeched to a halt, doors opening onto the platform.

“This is Tokyo Station,” the announcer said pleasantly.  “Be careful of the gap between the train and the platform.  Transfer is available to the Keiyou line …”

The three captains disembarked, stumbling slightly on travel-shaky legs, and followed the stream of people off the platform to the main terminal.  Saturday morning was, apparently, one of the most popular travel times - as they approached the center of the station, people surrounded them on all sides, pushing and pulling until it was nearly impossible to move.  The floor seemed to be white tile, and some kind of instrumental music was filtering through speakers, but it was hard to tell.  Bright signs above their heads pointed out different platforms, restaurants, and shops, providing the only landmarks in a cacophony of bodies.

“How did they say we’d find them?” Daichi asked Ushijima as they passed yet another sign pointing towards Keiyou street.

Ushijima shrugged.  “Kuroo just said in the center.”

Oikawa grimaced. “But I think there are two centers - or, like, there are two main wings?  I don’t know, let me text him.”

_11:36 A.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** where the FUCK are you guys

The response came thirty seconds and two signs later.

_11:37 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** newspaper kiosk

“He says they’re by a newspaper kiosk,” Oikawa reported.

The three captains stopped and rotated, scanning for newspapers and tall volleyball players with ridiculous bedhead or ridiculously loud voices.  The search was difficult, and earned them several passive-aggressive “ _Excuse me_ ”s from the people who passed by.

“Can you see anything, Ushijima?” Daichi asked.  “You’re … taller.”

Ushijima wasn’t fidgeting or pacing, but his eyes flicked rapidly around the train station, betraying his slight nerves. “Country folk are not meant for the big city like this.”

A rolling suitcase swerved to avoid Oikawa and hit Daichi’s stomach head-on. “You’re right about that.”

Oikawa shook his head, clicking his tongue sympathetically.  “You two are pathetic.  We just have to look around, and - hey!  That store has posters and stuff!  I wonder if they’ve got any of the X Files revival-”

“Oikawa, shut up,” Daichi told him mildly.  “You’re not helping.”

After another few seconds of fruitless searching, the crowd seemed to thin out slightly - enough that they could see their surroundings a little more clearly.  Unfortunately, the increased vigilance did little for their navigation abilities, which were mediocre at best.

Oikawa’s phone buzzed.

_11:45 A.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** where tf are YOU guys

“That’s not very helpful,” Daichi observed.

“Were you really expecting it to be?” Oikawa shot back.

Daichi thought for a minute, then pulled out his own phone.

Luckily for Daichi’s stress levels, Bokuto picked up on the third ring.  “Heyheyhey!” he shouted.  “Daichi!  To what do I owe the pleasure!”

“Where are you?” Daichi asked.

“I thought Kuroo said - we’re by the newspaper kiosk.”

Daichi glanced around for a second, just to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him, then said, “Bokuto, I can see about ten newspaper kiosks from here.”

“Oh.”

There was a pause.  Then, a change of voice.

“Look, where are you right now?” Kuroo wanted to know.

Daichi held his phone out at arm’s length, then looked to Oikawa and Ushijima.  “He wants to know where we are.”

“I don’t know where we are any more than you do!” Oikawa exclaimed.

“Well, I know if we don’t figure out where we are, how are we going to find Kuroo and Bokuto?”

“Maybe we’ll never find Kuroo and Bokuto!”

“You can’t just say that!”

“I can, too!  What if we never find them?  What if we never find our train home?  What if we have to stay here forever?  What if we get kidnapped by the aliens that live in the ancient tunnels below the station and are forced to live as their test subjects?  That might be cool, actually, but it would mean never seeing Iwa-chan again, which is just -”

“There’s a store with a plant on its sign,” Ushijima said.

“Okay, thank you,” Daichi told him.  He put his phone back to his ear.  “There’s a store with a plant on its sign?  If that helps?”

“Yeah, actually,” Kuroo replied.  “Is it a cactus, a tree, or does it kind-of look like weed?”

Daichi stared back at his friends in bewilderment.  “What does weed look like?”

Oikawa started snickering. “You don’t know?”

“Yes, I don’t know what weed looks like,” Daichi said defensively.  “You’d think that would be a good thing.”

“It looks like that,” Ushijima informed him, pointing.

Daichi breathed a sigh of relief.  “Weed,” he told Kuroo.

“Okay, so you’re not too far,” Kuroo said.  “Just go forward two - two or three more signs, then go left at the coffee place, and look for the newspaper shop next to … Next to the weird store with a bunch of lolita costumes.”

“And that’s where you are?” Daichi asked, just to clarify.

“It is.  You can’t miss us.”  Something about the tone of that last sentence sounded suspiciously cocky, but Daichi was too relieved to finally have some concrete instructions to follow to question it.

Daichi, Oikawa, and Ushijima proceeded forward three signs, left at the coffee place, then forward in the direction of the weird store with a bunch of lolita costumes, past several ATMs and a woman apparently trying to dictate an urgent email while simultaneously applying lipstick and walking faster in high heels than the three of them put together - and then, the meaning of Kuroo’s words became clearly evident.

In the center of Tokyo Station, there stood Kuroo and Bokuto, holding a cardboard sign with handwritten letters reading, “WELCOME NATIONAL HOT DAD CONFERENCE.”

They stood in _the center of Tokyo Station_ \- a public place, with a rich history, visited by thousands upon thousands of people every day - with a sign, a _large sign_ , with _enormous bold letters in bright pink,_ reading, “WELCOME NATIONAL HOT DAD CONFERENCE.”

And, as if that wasn’t enough already, they had a stroller. An actual, full-sized stroller. At this point, the recent arrivals wouldn’t have been surprised if Kuroo pulled a live baby out of his backpack.

Kuroo caught sight of them, and his cheeks puckered with the effort not to smile. Daichi had to work very hard not to explode. Oikawa started to laugh, and Ushijima pulled out his phone.

“HEY HEY HEY!” Bokuto shouted, once Kuroo nudged him and jerked his head towards the approaching group.  “THERE’S MY BROS!”  He stepped forward, holding his arms out in welcome.

“You,” Daichi started. Stopped. Tried again. “You did … _this?_  In a _public place?_ ”

Kuroo grinned. “Yeah, we got a lot of weird looks from people. We figured they were probably wondering where our kids were, so we stole this.” He gave the stroller an experimental push. It limped on a half-detached wheel.

“You _stole that,_ ” Daichi repeated.

“Yeah, from the lost and found.”

“You _stole from the lost and found._ ”

“Okay, so we’ve established that Kuroo and I are geniuses and the best welcoming committee ever,” Bokuto cut in.  “Now, can I please hug all of you guys before my arms fall off?”  He wiggled said arms a bit, grinning invitingly.

Daichi stared at him in a remarkable combination of shock and fatherly disappointment, and Oikawa was still giggling too hard to move, but Ushijima headed forward and wrapped his arms around the shorter captain.  Their hug was warm, strong, and comfortable, like two bears reuniting after a long winter of hibernation.

“You give good hugs, dude,” Bokuto told him, and thumped his back a few times.

“So do you,” Ushiwaka replied, and patted Bokuto’s shoulder awkwardly in return.

By that point, Daichi had recovered enough from his initial horror to request a hug from Bokuto as well.  He then hugged Kuroo, just to be fair, then Ushijima hugged Kuroo, then Bokuto hugged Kuroo, just because.  With all of this platonic public affection going on, it took them a moment to realize that Oikawa was out of sight.

Or, well, _almost_ out of sight - a couple seconds of surveying the premises revealed the group’s resident alien enthusiast power-walking away in the direction of a bathroom sign.

Daichi’s face set with determination. “Okay, you all know what to do, right?”

“Of course,” said Kuroo, and Bokuto and Ushijima nodded in unison.

“Right.  Then, on my count - three, two, one -”

Forget public decency, forget composure - all traces of caring what anyone else in Tokyo Station cared about them flew out the window when four captains sprinted to catch a fifth, yelling at the tops of their lungs.  They had power and speed and brute force all on their side, and more than that, they had spirit - the determination not to give up even when all seems lost, to fight for their friends above all else.

Oikawa didn’t stand a chance.

* * *

“You know, I really did have to go to the bathroom,” Oikawa said once he had disentangled himself from the group hug, brushing his hair back into place.

“You went on the train barely fifteen minutes before we got off,” Daichi reminded him.

Oikawa pouted.  “So I have a small bladder!”

“There’s a bigger bathroom close to the exit we’re going out of,” Kuroo said.  “You can use that one if you really have to.”

Oikawa glanced down at his sneakers and mumbled something incomprehensible.

“What was that?” Kuroo asked.

“I said, I don’t really have to.”

Kuroo grinned.  “I thought so.”

The five captains, now properly assembled, headed out towards the exit, Kuroo leading the way.

“You really know your way around here,” Daichi remarked as they took a shortcut through one of the smaller terminals.

Kuroo shrugged.  “Yeah, well.  I did a project on this place for my art history class once.  It was pretty cool.”

“Art history class?” Oikawa repeated, stifling a giggle.

“Yeah.”  Kuroo looked back to cock an eyebrow at him.  “My high school had cool electives.  I don’t know what kind of stuff you learned about - classes in how to be a huge asshole, probably.”

“Okay, for the record, I took astronomy.”

“Right.  So, alien classes.”

After a solid minute in which Oikawa made increasingly emotional arguments about the legitimacy of aliens that they all had, to be honest, heard before, Kuroo spoke up again.  “Fun fact: job of designing this building was originally given to a European architect.  And he thought, big Japanese building, important for national unity, it should probably look kinda Japanese, right?  So he designed a Japanese-looking building, showed it to the Meiji government or whatever, they were like, ‘Nah, dude, that’s way too Japanese.’  And they fired him.  And then, here’s the best part - they gave the job to this _Japanese_ dude, Tatsuno, who designed a more _Western_ -looking building.  I think that’s fucking hilarious.  But it’s also really cool, because -”

“Kuroo, nobody wants to hear about your architectural facts,” Oikawa told him.

Kuroo paused and looked back at the rest of the group, frowning like a cat who had been robbed of its favorite patch of sunlight. “Nobody?  Really?”

“I want to hear about his architectural facts,” Ushijima said.

Kuroo grinned. “You can come walk up front with me.” He linked arms with Ushijima, who looked slightly nonplussed about it, and started walking again. “I knew we kept you around for a reason, Ushiwaka.”

“And before we leave,” Daichi put in, “we have to stop by the lost-and-found to give back that stroller.”

“Can’t we keep-”

“ _No._ ”

* * *

They emerged into the noise of downtown Tokyo, newly stroller-less and blinking slightly in the sunlight. Kuroo started heading towards the tiny parking section. "Our rides are - Daichi, where are you going?"

Daichi was walking purposefully across the crosswalk.

"Sawamura, you just got here, you can't leave already!" Bokuto called after him. “Man, what’s he doing?” he said to the rest of the group in a normal tone of voice.

"Oh," said Oikawa, "he saw a dog."

There was a chorus of understanding _ohh_ s, and the other four captains moved over to the side of the path to watch Daichi as he reached the other side of the street.

"May I pet him?" Daichi asked the surprised-looking owner of the lean black hound, a tall woman with a black buzzcut.

"Uh, sure," she said, and Daichi knelt in front of the dog, rubbing its sides and ruffling its ears. The dog leaned up and into his hand, and Daichi made a quiet noise of delight.

"What's his name?"

"Um, Kevin."

"That's a great name. A great name for a great dog."

Daichi spent a few more seconds petting Kevin - who was, truly, an excellent dog in all respects - before standing back up, a soft smile on his face.

“Thank you,” he told the dog’s owner.  And he headed back across the street, to where-

He really should’ve expected some shenanigans to happen in his absence.

Kuroo and Bokuto had taken the opportunity to prolong the Dad Conference joke by putting on matching sunglasses. Not normal sunglasses, but _wraparound_ sunglasses, the kind of sunglasses that should be advertised with lines like, “Are the dad jokes not just cutting it any more?  Does your dad feel the need to prove that he’s more than just a normal dad, he’s a _cool_ dad?”

“Guys, the sign was funny, I admit that,” Oikawa was saying into his hands as Daichi approached, “but this is just embarrassing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kuroo replied.  He tilted his head back and put his hands on his hips, grinning like a smug fifty-five-year-old who just made an entirely unfunny pun.

“Yeah!” Bokuto added, beaming under his sunglasses.  He sauntered up to Kuroo, then imitated his pose, except with one arm raised and his index finger pointed at the sky.

Oikawa rolled his eyes and silently asked the gods for forgiveness for whatever he must’ve done wrong in a past life.  Ushijima appeared to be doing something on his phone a safe distance away.

“I don’t see the problem, actually,” Daichi said, approaching the rest of the group.  “I mean, I have the same pair.” He rifled through his backpack for a minute, then pulled out a pair of wraparound sunglasses identical to the ones Kuroo and Bokuto were wearing, albeit slightly more worn.

“They’re very durable,” he added, putting them on, “and they don’t fall off easily.  It’s great.”

Kuroo and Bokuto took one look at each other, then started laughing again.

“What?” Daichi asked.  “What’d I do?”

“This is the best day of my life,” Ushijima said to Oikawa.

Oikawa looked at him.  “That was a joke, right?”

Ushijima shook his head. “No.”

Oikawa stared for several seconds - about as long as it takes to serve an ace.  “I will never understand you,” he finally said.

Meanwhile, Kuroo and Bokuto seemed to have recovered enough to convey their thoughts through the medium of language.

“You’re a ... cool ... guy … Sawamura Daichi,” Bokuto managed, still snickering.

Kuroo nodded, then gasped.  “This is why you’re the perfect person to join our moped gang.”

Oikawa paled.

“Moped...gang?"

“Yeah,” Kuroo said.  He adjusted his sunglasses and then pointed to a few scooters parked illegally on the sidewalk.  “A small one, though. We figured it would be easier to take mopeds than to walk everywhere, but we only have three - mine and Bokuto’s, and then Kai, my vice captain, lent me his.”

Daichi was skeptical. “Someone lent you a moped?”

Kuroo gave him a wry grin. “You know, I’m actually pretty trustworthy.”

“I’d trust you with my life, bro!” Bokuto bounded ahead to the neon yellow moped, and picked up the helmet to jam it down over his spiky gray hair.

Kuroo followed at a more sedate pace. “I know, bro, I know.” He stopped next to the red moped and twirled his key ring around his finger, then cursed and dove after it as it flew off the tip. “So,” he continued when he had recovered it and stood up again, “one of you is going to have to drive.”

Daichi frowned. “I don’t have my moped license.”

“Not a problem,” Kuroo told him, passing around the spare helmets they’d brought.

“Yes it is. Oikawa, what about you?”

“I-” Oikawa was fidgeting. The rest of the group paused and stared at him. "I can drive, if we need me to."

"You seem nervous about it," observed Kuroo.

"I am _not_. It’s like riding a bike, isn’t it?"

“Oikawa, do you have your license?” Daichi asked.

“ _Yes!_ ” Oikawa snapped.

“Can you show us?” Kuroo asked, with a sly glint in his eye.

“I-it’s not on me right now, okay - I _have_ it, I just don’t-”

“Oikawa can’t drive?” Bokuto tilted his head sideways, and his helmet shifted down over one ear.

“I _can_ ,” Oikawa insisted. He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “I just don’t _want_ to, okay?”

“Alright,” said Daichi agreeably.

Ushijima chose that moment to announce, “I have my moped license.”

Oikawa furrowed his brow. “Since when do _you_ have anything useful like that?”

“I have found it convenient when I am overseas for tournaments,” Ushijima said.

The thought of Ushijima Wakatoshi solemnly rolling through New York City on a moped was too weird to dwell on. They moved past it quickly.

“In that case, Oikawa,” Kuroo said, his voice dripping with honey, “you have three options. Ride with me, ride with Ushiwaka, or ride with Bokuto.”

Oikawa gave him a look usually reserved for food that had grown mold in the back of the refrigerator. “Those are all terrible options.”

Bokuto pouted. “Aw, bro, I’m a great driver.”

“Of course you are,” said Oikawa. “So, Kuroo or Ushiwaka.” Ushijima, who had climbed onto the silver moped, looked up briefly at the mention of his name and then returned to examining the controls.

Kuroo raised an eyebrow. “You’re considering snuggling up to someone else over me? I’m hurt.”

Oikawa went over to Ushijima’s moped and swung his leg over the seat without a word.

“Aw, don’t be like that.” Mischief danced in Kuroo’s eyes. “You like me, remember?”

“I plead not guilty on the grounds of emotional duress,” Oikawa answered blithely, and Ushijima chose that moment to floor it.

“Suit yourself,” Kuroo said to the empty space where Ushijima’s moped had been, and turned to Daichi. “What about you, Sawamura? It’s either me or Bokuto.”

“Um…” Daichi looked back and forth between the two of them. Bokuto was going cross-eyed trying to tighten his helmet’s chinstrap. Kuroo was attempting to lean nonchalantly against his moped, but it wasn’t heavy enough to bear his weight, and his arms were shaking trying to maintain the awkward position. Neither option looked like someone he would entrust with his life.

“I’m a good driver!” Bokuto insisted, and then yelped as he caught his finger in the buckle.

“I can drive fine,” Kuroo added. His reassuring tone soothed Daichi’s nerves, and Daichi nodded firmly.

“Okay, you then.”

* * *

Kuroo certainly _could_ drive fine. Daichi had absolute confidence that Kuroo was capable of safe, sensible driving.

Whether or not Kuroo _would_ drive fine was a question he had not thought to ask himself. There were a lot of things Daichi wished he had thought to ask himself.

“Can you at least stop weaving in and out of traffic?” he asked Kuroo’s back, in a tone far too close to pleading for his own comfort.

Kuroo considered for a moment, and then happily told him, “No.” He was saved from Daichi’s incensed response by the light turning green, and the moped careened forward again. Daichi gripped his waist, buried his face in the back of Kuroo’s slightly sweaty t-shirt, and accepted the inevitability of death.

Next to them, Bokuto was trundling along at a smooth, regular pace. Carefully clicking on his turn signal and checking over his shoulder, he smoothly changed lanes, and took his eyes off the road for a moment to catch Daichi’s stare and wave cheerily at him. Ushijima and Oikawa’s moped was nowhere to be seen.

After some truly alarming maneuvers and Daichi whispering apologies under his breath to the angry honks around them, they slowed to a gradual stop. Too gradual.

“You stopped at that light too slowly,” Daichi said, with a note of hopelessness in his voice. Obligingly, Kuroo waited until long past the last second to brake for the next one, and then slammed on the brakes to the sound of Daichi’s incoherent yelling. The moped screeched to a halt a centimeter short of the white line.

Kuroo was doing a good job of hiding it, but Daichi could see his cheeks puffing up in a smile.

“You’re enjoying this,” he accused.

“Yes,” Kuroo agreed.

“How’s it going, Daichi?” Bokuto said, idling next to them.

Daichi groaned in response, and Kuroo laughed out loud.

“Why didn’t I ride with you, Bokuto?” Daichi asked piteously.

“I told you I was a good driver, bro!”

Daichi blinked. _Shit_ , he had.

“Well-”

He was interrupted by Kuroo gunning it, and he tipped precariously to one side before locking his powerful thighs around the moped seat. As he was righting himself, he caught sight of something up ahead. He peered out from Kuroo’s back to take a closer look as they approached, and sure enough-

Daichi’s eyes widened, and he shrieked into Kuroo’s ear,

_“STOP!”_

* * *

Oikawa was only on the moped for about one millionth of a second before every instinct in his body told him to get off the moped.

Unfortunately, the moped was already on the move, weaving deftly in and out of traffic.  Normally, Oikawa was comfortable with _fast_ \- fast was what he did, fast was how he won - but something about this, hurtling through the crowded city on a flimsy piece of metal and plastic with one of his least favorite people in the entire world - this was distinctly not how he’d expected to spend his Saturday

“Are you okay?” Ushijima asked over his shoulder, with honest concern.

“Fuck you,” said Oikawa cheerfully, and then locked his arms around Ushijima’s waist and screamed into his shoulderblades.

Tokyo flew by in a blur of wind and sound, car horns and sirens and shouting kids.  Everything seemed louder to Oikawa with his eyes closed, as though he was riding through the middle of a thunderstorm - only instead of thunder and lightning and rain, he had a roaring moped, wind whipping through his hair, and his arch-nemesis, strangely steady in front of him.  Oikawa pretended, for a second, that it was Iwaizumi he was holding onto, Iwaizumi staying steady as the city flew by - but then he caught himself hugging closer and sat up suddenly, eyes startling open.

“You okay?” Ushijima asked again.

“Fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine,” Oikawa insisted.  He’d intended to squeeze his eyes shut once more, but they seemed stuck open in morbid fascination, and he caught himself staring - at buildings and advertisements and people, so many people, all moving so much faster and with so much more purpose than the people in his town.  He scanned the crowds of cars and bikes, seeking out the other two mopeds - Kuroo definitely wouldn’t be hard to spot, what with his bright red bike, and Bokuto would probably be yelling or something -

But much as Oikawa looked, there was no sign of bedhead or hooting.  Possibly even worse, Daichi, the only bastion of sanity among the lot of them, was also lost in the crowd.  What was Oikawa supposed to do, talk to Ushijima?  Right.  Sure.

“Stop fidgeting,” Ushijima said.  The moped slowed down at a light, and its driver turned back to examine Oikawa.

Oikawa started fidgeting more, just on principle.  “Do you see Kuroo and Daichi?  Or Bokuto?  I don’t see them.”

“I was following Kuroo,” Ushijima replied.  “But I think he turned a couple of lights back, I don’t know where.”

Oikawa worked very hard to restrain himself from screeching.  “How can you say that so _calmly_?” he demanded instead. “Do you have any idea where we are?”

The light turned green, and Ushijima revved the engine as though they weren’t _all alone in the middle of Tokyo._  “We’re on Prefectural Route 407.”

“Okay, but where are we going?”

“Further down Route 407, I presume.  The Tokyo Tower is that way.”  Ushijima indicated the road in front of them with his hand.

“Are you sure?”

Ushijima shrugged. His movement caused the moped to shift ever so slightly, and Oikawa cringed at the swaying.  Then, after a moment, he said, “I can pull over and we can look at a map, if you want.”

“Um.”  Oikawa’s instincts were all screaming to say _no, fuck you, I don’t need anything from you, if you get me lost I’ll fucking destroy you._

“If you don’t mind,” he said.

“I don’t.”

And, as easily as that, Ushijima turned left at the next light, pulled into a side-street, then parked the moped on the curb.  He waited until Oikawa climbed down, legs strangely shaky, before dismounting himself.  Ushijima sat down on the curb, reached for his water bottle, and started to drink it down.

“Hydration is important,” he said, when he caught Oikawa staring.

“I - I know that,” Oikawa replied, weirdly angry.

A car honked out on the street they’d just left.  Someone shouted a curse.

“Oikawa,” Ushijima said.

“Yeah?”

“Why are you so uncomfortable with me?”

Oikawa started to deny it - prepared to concoct excuses, fictions - but he looked at Ushijima, and all of his creative fabrications fell away like exhaustion after a victory.  Oikawa had always prided himself on his ability to perceive the other team’s strategy, stay one step ahead, but Ushijima was blunt and honest in a way he’d never been able to quite figure out.

“You’ve beaten me,” Oikawa said carefully, “so many times.  Eight times, and that’s just in official matches.  There’re also practice matches, and indirect victories, and psychological warfare, and on top of that you saying I _should’ve come to Shiratorizawa_ like it’s that fucking easy, and -”

“I didn’t realize you cared so much.”  Ushijima took another drink of his water, then set the bottle down on the curb beside him.  He stared straight ahead at the buildings across the street - apartment buildings, a laundromat, a tiny grocery store.

“Of course I care!”  Oikawa tried not to shout, but his raised voice still echoed against the concrete walls.  “I worked hard!  I worked so hard!  I wanted to go to nationals, just like you did!”

Ushijima shrugged.  “Going to nationals isn’t that great.  All the teams are very, very good.  The games are all exhausting.”

Oikawa spun around to face Ushijima and pointed an angry index finger at him.  “You’re lying.  You loved going to Nationals.”

A moment passed, then Ushijima admitted, “I did.”  He stretched his legs out in front of him.  “But I never understood why you thought you’d be able to go.  Seijoh was never the strongest.”

“It’s not - it’s not always about being the strongest.”  Oikawa breathed in, breathed out.  Paced back and forth in the street.  “It’s about _making yourself_ the strongest.  Trying even though you know you aren’t the strongest.  I mean, how do you think Karasuno beat you?”

“I suppose you’re right,” Ushijima conceded.  “Karasuno accomplished something I never expected.  Perhaps I have been unfair to you.”

Oikawa started to say something, a victorious smirk half-formed on his face - but Ushijima went on.

“But all of the years we’ve known each other, I’ve only told you what I believe.  I don’t understand why you would hate or exclude me.”

“We were rivals!” Oikawa exclaimed.

“We were?”

“You didn’t think so?”

“I don’t have rivals,” Ushijima said truthfully.  “There are only people I play against and people I play with.  Sometimes those people are the same.  Sometimes they aren’t.”

A car honked, out on the main street.  A couple of kids sprinted out of the grocery store, one of them chasing the other.  The first girl reached a corner, stopped, then tagged her friend as she barrelled around it.

“I’m,” Oikawa said.  He stopped pacing, and looked directly at Ushijima.  “I’m.  Sorry if I was.  Unfair.  I guess … I’ve always resented your ability more than I’ve resented you.”

Ushijima nodded.

Then, he said, “I do admire you.”

Oikawa’s cheeks went red.  “Is - is that a joke?”

“No.”  Ushijima shook his head.  “You work hard.  At volleyball, school, talking to people - everything.  I hadn’t known how much time you spent practicing - even more than I do.”

“And you … realized?”

“Iwaizumi told me.”

“Iwa-chan.”  Oikawa’s eyes widened like a cartoonish alien.  “You talk to Iwa-chan?”

Ushijima shrugged.  “Sometimes.  We had two or three Skype conversations.  About volleyball, mostly.  His idea.”

Oikawa sat down on the curb next to Ushijima, so that their knees were almost touching.  “He’s too good for me, really,” he admitted in a small voice.  “I don’t know what I’ll do without him next year.”

Ushijima nodded again, then said, “Talk to me about it.”

And easily, simply, like a dam finally breaking or a quick set finally clicking, Oikawa talked.  He talked about how Iwaizumi would text him not to forget his homework, even though they were both supposedly responsible third-years.  He talked about how Iwaizumi would stay after practice with him, day after day, practicing quicks and spikes and serves until their palms were raw.  He talked about how Iwaizumi would go grocery shopping with him for team parties, arguing over how many bags of chips they should buy and laughing when terrible songs came on the grocery store radio.  He talked about how Iwaizumi would tell him what he needed to hear when he didn’t know he needed to hear it.  He talked about missing Iwaizumi - missing him next year, missing every moment they weren’t spending together, missing him even as he was right there.  He talked about how he couldn’t quite imagine life without Iwaizumi - without someone at his back, at his side, piecing him back together when he shattered.

After a while, Oikawa fell silent, deeply lost in thought. Ushijima was quiet next to him. He was almost on the verge of telling Ushijima what Iwaizumi had said that past Valentine’s Day, promises still ringing in his ears, when-

“I know the way to Tokyo Tower,” Ushijima said.

“What?” Oikawa asked, confused.

Ushijima held up his phone.  “Google Maps.  Has directions.”

“Oh.”

Ushijima stood up, and Oikawa followed.  They both got back on the moped, returning to their former position as though nothing had happened.

But then, right before he started the engine, Ushijima said, “Oikawa.”

“Yeah?”

“I think you and Iwaizumi are going to be fine.”

Oikawa didn’t answer, and the rest of the ride passed quietly, smoother and calmer than the way there. The only sound besides the ambient city was the voice of Google Maps, and soon enough, they were pulling up to a small parking lot in the shadow of the colossal Tokyo Tower. In the end, they hadn’t been that far away.

“Just find the other two mopeds and park next to them,” Oikawa directed as they pulled into the lot. In a gesture of uncharacteristic benevolence, he rested his cheek against Ushijima’s back and closed his eyes. The emotional exertion had drained him too much to care.

“Okay,” Ushijima said.

Several minutes passed.

“Ushiwaka, are you lost again?”

“No,” Ushijima said.

“Then why have we been driving around this small parking lot for…” Oikawa raised his head to check his watch. “Twelve minutes?”

“There are no mopeds here,” Ushijima said.

“What? Pull over.”

Ushijima obliged, and Oikawa climbed off the moped, stretching his arms above his head and kicking his legs to shake strength back into them. He glanced around the lot. Sure enough, there were cars and some bicycles, but no trace of Kuroo, Bokuto, and Daichi.

Oikawa frowned. “Do you think they went up without us?” An even worse thought occurred to him. “Do you think they already went up and came down and left?”

“Probably,” Ushijima replied, still sitting on the moped.

“ _What?!_ Really?!”

“No.”

“Ugh,” Oikawa said, without any real malice. He flopped down in the sparse grass at the edge of the parking lot, squinting up at the sun high overhead. “Ushiwaka, we’re stranded.”

“Mm.”

“We’re going to have to forage for food and shelter.” He heaved a deep, prolonged sigh. “Stuck in the labyrinth of Tokyo forever, because the only people who know their way around have left us for the vultures.”

“You could message the group.”

“...oh.”

_1:08 P.M._

**perfectkawa ✌:** where are you guys  
**perfectkawa ✌:** did you ditch me with ushiwaka  
**ur favorite lolcat:** where are YOU  
**perfectkawa ✌:** tokyo tower???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** it took you this long?  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ok kuroo-chan you STILL arent here so  
**ur favorite lolcat:** we uh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** had to pull over  
**perfectkawa ✌:** because of your shitty driving skills?  
**ur favorite lolcat:** NO  
**perfectkawa ✌:** then why???  
**ur favorite lolcat:** um

“Oh my god, he's so excited."

The labrador retriever was prancing around Daichi’s legs, pressing itself against the famed thighs and entangling him in its leash, which he looked thoroughly delighted about. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, the pale teenage boy attached to its leash looked pleased at Daichi’s words. "Thanks. He's a handful, but it's worth it."

"I do!” Daichi reached out to pat the dog’s head, and instead got a palmful of cold, wet nose that snuffled with excitement against his hand. He grinned like a fool. “What's his name?"

"Radiation," said the boy.

"A really good name," Daichi murmured. "You're a good dog, you know that?"

"Daichi," said Kuroo from where he and Bokuto were standing to the side, "you've got a problem."

"The only problem here is that you're not petting this dog with me," Daichi told him without looking away from the dog. "Such a good dog..."

"I'll pet the dog with you, bro!" Bokuto approached the small group and squatted down, holding a hand out to Radiation, which the black lab licked excitedly. "Oh, man, that's gross!" He snorted out laughter as the dog licked with even more enthusiasm.

"That's probably been on his butt, you know," Kuroo said, wrinkling his nose a little.

"You're missing out, bro, this is a great dog here."

"Bokuto is right," Daichi put in, now entirely entangled in Radiation's leash and grinning hugely.

Kuroo just shook his head and pulled out his phone to reply to the chat.

_1:13 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** daichi saw a dog and made me pull over  
**ur favorite lolcat:** and now he’s dragged bokuto into petting it with him  
**perfectkawa ✌:** oh  
**ur favorite lolcat:** well be there as soon as possible just sit tight for now  
**ur favorite lolcat:** you and ushiwaka can play truth or dare or something  
**perfectkawa ✌:** ha ha, you’re hilarious. wonderful joke. i am laughing so hard right now.

* * *

“Truth,” Oikawa said confidently. “Do your worst.”

Ushijima considered for a moment. “Um… Do you have any spiking advice for me?”

Oikawa blinked. “What?”

“Do you have any spiking advice for me?” Ushijima repeated. “Areas for improvement?”

Oikawa huffed in irritation. “Ushiwaka, that’s not how Truth or Dare works.”

“But I would like to know,” Ushijima said. “And we won’t be playing against each other every year anymore, so telling me will have no negative impact on you.”

“No, it’s the principle of the matter,” Oikawa argued.

“You know a lot about my playing style,” Ushijima urged him. “And you have a good eye for these things.”

“I - I do? Wait, no, you can’t flatter me into spilling secrets!”

“You said the point of this game was to spill secrets,” Ushijima said reproachfully.

The rapidly worsening situation was thankfully cut off by the arrival of two mopeds pulling into the parking lot. Oikawa and Ushijima got to their feet, and Oikawa waved Kuroo over to them. Kuroo and Bokuto parked their two scooters, and Daichi immediately half-fell off the back of Kuroo’s, yanking his helmet off and staggering a few steps.

Oikawa gave him a questioning look. “Daichi, are you okay?”

“This guy’s a terrible driver,” Daichi said, jerking a thumb at Kuroo, who looked entirely too smug. “There was a dog in the middle of it, so it was okay, but I thought we were going to die.”

“We didn’t die,” added Bokuto unnecessarily.

“I’m sure you were fine,” Oikawa told Daichi. “Can we go in now?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go.”

* * *

Before they reached the elevators, Ushijima caught sight of the One Piece store, and asked Daichi if they could stop for souvenirs. Daichi agreed, sent Bokuto and Oikawa ahead to wait in line for tickets, and waited just inside the entrance while Ushijima went into the shop with Kuroo trailing after him.

“I am going to get something for Satori. He likes One Piece,” Ushijima explained to Kuroo as he knelt down in front of the keychain rack.

“Yeah, you mentioned it.” Kuroo, who was slightly out of his element, leaned against a stand of manga volumes, then lurched upright in surprise and barely caught the cardboard display as it began to fall under his weight.

Ushijima looked up at him, frowning in slight confusion. “When did I do that?”

“During the Skype call before graduation.” Kuroo carefully set the display upright again, and immediately bumped it with his elbow, knocking several volumes to the floor. He knelt down with a sigh and began to gather them up.

“Oh,” said Ushijima. “I don’t remember.” He picked out a Chopper keychain and went over to the register, where Daichi was waiting in line with a yellow straw hat decorated with a red ribbon.

“I didn’t know you enjoyed One Piece, Daichi.”

Daichi shook his head. “To be honest, I don’t really know what anything in this store means. But they had a bunch of these hats, and I think it suits me, don’t you?” he asked, putting the hat on his head.

“It’s very stylish,” Ushijima agreed.

* * *

Daichi frowned at the tickets from under the brim of his straw hat. “So… There’s a main observatory, and then a special observatory a lot higher, and we’re going to both?”

“Yup!” said Bokuto cheerfully.

“Alright.” Daichi handed out a ticket to each member of the group. “Make sure you keep track of your ticket. And stay close, I don’t want anyone to get lost.”

“Will do,” said Kuroo and Oikawa said in unison. Surprised, they turned to stare at each other, one looking thoroughly amused, the other horrified.

“Kids, let’s go,” Daichi interrupted. “It’s our turn.”

Behind Daichi’s back, Kuroo raised a concerned eyebrow at Bokuto, who flashed him a reassuring smile. Oikawa gave them both a curious look, but didn’t say anything as they filed into the elevator.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Oikawa had figured out exactly why Kuroo had been worried. With Bokuto cowering back as far from the glass floor as possible, it would’ve been difficult to miss.

“So,” said Oikawa, standing next to him as the other three captains stared down through the glass in morbid fascination, “you planned for us to come to Tokyo Tower, but you’re scared of heights?”

“I thought it would be nice for you guys,” Bokuto mumbled. In front of them, Ushijima knelt down on the glass and peered through it up-close. Bokuto looked queasier by the second. “Been like this since I was a kid.”

Oikawa patted his arm. “It’s okay. It’s only, like, a hundred and fifty meters down?”

Bokuto made a noise like a dying peacock.

On the glass, Daichi was stepping carefully, looking down at his feet in slight awe. “We’re so tall…”

“Scared, Sawamura?” Kuroo asked, with the same sly smile he had worn every time the two of them did their traditional bone-crunching handshake before matches.

Daichi rolled his eyes. “As if. You’re more likely to be scared than I am.”

“That’s a lie,” Kuroo sing-songed.

“Yeah? Would you do this?” Daichi stomped on the glass, hard, and grunted with approval of his own bravery. Ushijima was lying all the way down by now, craning his neck to see as much of the city as possible.

Kuroo grinned. “Is that a challenge?” Taking a solid stance on the glass, he jumped, getting some pretty good height, and then landed hard. Bokuto buried his face in the sleeve of Oikawa’s jacket and whimpered a little.

“When you guys are done with your dick-measuring contest,” Oikawa called over to them, “we have another level to get to.”

“Right. Sorry.” Daichi looked slightly embarrassed, but not too embarrassed to thump his foot one more time on the glass. In return, Kuroo purposefully jostled him in the shoulder.

Ushijima got up and brushed the dust off his knees, and then noticed Bokuto. “Is he okay?”

“He’s scared of heights,” Kuroo explained, coming up behind the rest of the group.

Daichi looked alarmed. “Bokuto, are you going to be okay? We can go back down if you want. I mean that.”

“I’ll be okay,” came Bokuto’s muffled voice through Oikawa’s sweater. His miserable tone told a different story.

“He said at the bottom he’d be fine,” Kuroo muttered. “Dumb owl.”

“It would’ve been more helpful if you three hadn’t been jumping around on the glass floor,” Oikawa informed them with a sunny smile. They looked properly abashed.

Bokuto peeked out from Oikawa’s sleeve, having regained some color in his face. “Seriously, guys, I’ll be fine! As long as I’m not too near the edge and stuff.”

“If you’re sure,” Daichi said, looking thoroughly unconvinced.

* * *

Despite Daichi’s misgivings, Bokuto was true to his word. In the upper observation deck, he stayed close to the middle while the rest of the group wandered around the edges, and all was well.

“This is so cool,” Daichi whispered as the four of them paused at the railing and stared westward.

“It really is,” Kuroo whispered back.

“Why are we whispering?” Ushijima asked in a stage-whisper, approximately ten times louder than his friends’.

“I don’t know, dude, but I feel it,” Kuroo whispered, more quietly.

“Okay,” Ushijima replied.

“Can you guys shut up for a second?” Oikawa asked at normal speaking volume, fiddling with his phone.  “I’m trying to get a good shot for Instagram.”

Tokyo stretched out beneath them, buildings glittering in the sunlight.  It was a city of silver and glass, all high-rises and skyscrapers reaching up like a thousand little giants trying to touch the sun.  Cars sped down the freeways in swarms, planes thundered overhead, and people were moving through the streets - too small to see from three hundred meters in the air, but down there, somewhere, people were going places, and meeting each other, and learning, and laughing, and giving, and growing together.

“Hey, I can see my house from here!” Kuroo exclaimed, pointing to one of the suburbs sprawling out to the west.

Daichi tried to follow his finger for a good ten seconds before he realized that Kuroo was kidding. He frowned at Kuroo, who smiled back at him with too much glee to be really angry at.

“What does your house look like, Kuroo?” Ushijima asked.

“It’s nothing special.” Kuroo shrugged. “Small - one floor, four rooms - just enough space for my mom and me.  Man, I’m gonna miss my bed, though. It’s way bigger and more comfortable than that shit they give you at the university.”

“Where are you going to college?” Oikawa wondered, slipping his phone into his pocket and approaching the window to stand next to his friend.

“I didn’t tell you?”

“He’s going to Keio University!” Bokuto called from the center of the room.

Kuroo turned around. “Bro, you sure you don’t want to come over here?” he asked.

“Nah, I’m good! You guys keep talking!”

Oikawa shook his head, amused at Bokuto’s enthusiasm at a distance.  “Keio, really?” he asked, turning back to Kuroo.  “I thought that was a science school.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“What about all your …” Oikawa trailed off.

Kuroo looked at him.  “My what?”

“Your, I don’t know. Shakespeare. And architecture facts. I thought you would’ve gone somewhere to study literature or something.”

“I mean, I’d love to,” Kuroo admitted.  He breathed onto the glass, then reached out and traced the outline of a skyscraper with his finger.  “I’d love to be a teacher, or something.  But the program I really wanted to join didn’t accept me, and Keio gave me a good scholarship, and, I don’t know, I’ve always thought chemistry was cool, so.”  He shrugged, and dropped his hand to his side, and the drawing faded as quickly as he’d made it. “I’ll be fine.”

A moment passed, then Oikawa nodded. “Cats always land on their feet, right?”

“Exactly.” Kuroo grinned. “What about you? Where’re you going?”

“Tsukuba,” Oikawa replied. “For law, probably. But I got recruited.”

“Recruited? Really? Dude, that’s great.” Kuroo held out his hand for a fist-bump.

Oikawa accepted, returning his friend’s grin. “Iwa-chan’s staying closer to home, which is gonna suck, but I’m really excited. They have a setter right now who’s top ten in the nation, but he’s going to be a third year next year, so I can totally take him.”

“Definitely,” Kuroo agreed. “Don’t kill yourself doing it, though.”

“Hey, I got recruited, too!” Bokuto called.

“Everyone and their cat knows you got recruited!” Kuroo shouted back.  “Chuo University, best in the nation, destroys other schools with its awesomeness -”

“Hell yeah!”

Oikawa spun around.  “Wait, you got recruited to _Chuo_ ?   _Damn._ ”

“I know, right?” Bokuto replied, beaming. He moved closer to the rest of the group, although he still carefully avoided looking out the windows.

Kuroo rolled his eyes.  “Don’t feed his ego.”

“I’ll feed anyone’s ego I want.”

“Will you feed _my_ ego?” Ushijima asked, returning from the other side of the observation deck, where he had been investigating the eastward view.

Oikawa just glared at him.

“Does your ego really need to be fed, Ushiwaka?” Bokuto asked.  “Or, wait - that was a joke.”

Ushijima nodded, and Bokuto crowed with delight.

“It really doesn’t, though,” Oikawa said, pouting.  “ _He_ got recruited by Juntendo as a new starter.  And he hasn’t even gone there yet!”

“Dude!” Bokuto exclaimed.  “Isn’t that in Tokyo?”

Ushijima tilted his head sideways, thinking. “I believe so.”

Bokuto pointed at himself, grinning widely. “ _I’m_ going to school in Tokyo!”

“Great,” Oikawa said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Everyone’s going to school in Tokyo. Everyone got recruited as a wing spiker.  Everyone’s so cool.”

“You also got recruited,” Ushijima told him. “And I lost my spot at Chuo after Shiratorizawa failed to get to nationals last year.”

“Oh,” Oikawa said.

Bokuto winced.

Ushijima just looked out the window, staring up at the cloudless blue sky.

“Still, Juntendo is good,” Kuroo said, a little too loudly. “Everyone got fancy volleyball scholarships except me and Daichi - wait, where _is_ Daichi?”

“He’s over there.” Ushijima pointed. “Looking for dogs or something.”

They looked - and there, indeed, Daichi was, face pressed to the window, scanning a park three hundred meters beneath him.

“You’re not going to be able to see individual dogs from up here,” Oikawa said as the group came up behind him.

“Not with that attitude,” Daichi replied, his head not moving from its position.

“Daichi, you’re going to hurt your eyes,” Kuroo said.

Ushijima stepped forward, pressed his own face against the window for a few seconds, then pointed.  “There’s one.”

Daichi looked, then kind of yelled a little. “Yeah! There is! What a good dog!”

“I think they had binoculars available by the elevator,” Ushijima told him.

Sixty seconds later, Ushijima and Daichi were peering at the dog through pairs of borrowed binoculars. “Hello there,” Daichi said aloud, sounding absurdly pleased. The dog was sitting up straight next to its smiling, grey-haired owner, watching two toddlers who were presumably the owner’s grandchildren running around the playground with an alert and serious face.

“It’s a Rottweiler, I think,” said Ushijima. The dog was black with splotches of tan. Its ears were perky, and as they watched, it got to its feet and trotted towards the two kids, nosing them firmly away from the big-kid jungle gym and herding them back towards the sandbox.

“Ohhhh.” Daichi sighed happily. “A really good dog.”

“Can I have a look?” Ushijima asked, and Daichi handed him his binoculars.

As Ushijima examined the dog, Daichi addressed Kuroo and Bokuto, accusatory.  “I can’t believe you guys never told me Tokyo had so many good dogs.  If I’d known, I would’ve come and visited ages ago.”

“But now you have a reason to visit me and Ushiwaka next year!” Bokuto exclaimed.

Daichi tore his eyes away from the dog to look at Bokuto.  “You’re going to be in Tokyo next year?”

“Yeah, at Chuo University.  I got recruited!  For volleyball!  And Ushiwaka did, too!”

“Bokuto, that’s incredible! Well done!”

Bokuto grinned, standing up a little straighter. Kuroo could practically feel his ego doubling in size, and rolled his eyes in annoyance that barely masked his pride in his friend’s accomplishment.

“Daichi, where are _you_ going to school?” he asked.

Daichi turned back to the window.  “Oh, I’m going to Miyagi University - you probably wouldn’t have heard of it, it’s just the public university in our prefecture. But it has a good business program, and if I work all four years and summers, I can afford it.  Plus, Suga got into the school of education there, so we’re planning to get an apartment together…”

The rest of the group fell silent.

Daichi turned around to face his friends - they all carefully avoided his gaze like a poorly-planned game of hide and seek.

“What?” he asked, planting his hands on his hips.  “Is going to a public university really so shameful?  I know I’m not as good an athlete as you guys, but-”

“No, it’s not that.” Bokuto shook his head.

“Then … what is it?”

A moment passed in silence. Across the observatory deck, a kid shouted that he felt really tall.

“We’re jealous,” Oikawa admitted.

“Jealous?” Daichi repeated, confused. “Why would you be …”

“You’re staying close to home,” Kuroo said. “Not going too far from your school.”

“You can go to your team’s matches,” Bokuto added.

And even Ushijima spoke up: “You’re getting an apartment with Suga.” He fiddled with the Chopper keychain in his hand, expression unreadable.

“Oh,” Daichi said, helplessly.  “But I’m… I’m not going into a really good school, or playing on a nationally ranked team, or…”

Ushijima looked up, meeting Daichi’s gaze.  “That isn’t always important.”

“Living with your boyfriend…” Oikawa trailed off wistfully.  “Do you have any idea how good that sounds? It might be _years_ until Iwa-chan and I can do that.”

Daich rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know, my parents were worried about it. They thought it would prevent me from making friends in college or something.”

Oikawa shook his head. “Bullshit.”

“Yeah,” Bokuto agreed. “Bull. Shit.”

“Bro, aren’t you still living in the same city as Akaashi, though?” Kuroo asked. “It’s not like _you’re_ moving halfway across the country.”

“Yeah, but it’s not the _same_.” Bokuto’s voice rose, as though someone had turned up the volume on a stereo.  “He said we could still practice all the time, but I’m going to be trying not to fail my classes, and he’s going to be running the team and applying to schools and… What if I’m not a good volleyball player without him? Like, if I go into dejected mode and I just stay there forever? Or if I’m an awful ace for my new team?  What if-”

“Bro. Bro,” Kuroo interrupted him. “Come here.” He patted the handrail next to him, and Bokuto’s eyes widened. He took a step back instinctively.

“What?” His voice was sharp with panic.  “You know I’m - I mean, I’m fine, _I’m fine_ \- but -”

Kuroo shook his head.  “Come here,” he repeated.

Bokuto stared at Kuroo, then at the window.  His eyes were very wide.

“It’s okay,” Daichi assured him. “The glass won’t break.”

Oikawa grinned. “Like, seriously, it would beat Iwa-chan in an arm-wrestling match, and _nothing_ beats Iwa-chan in an arm-wrestling match.”

Bokuto took one hesitant step forward, then stopped, paralyzed.

“You don’t have to if you really don’t want to,” Kuroo added, “but I want to show you something.”

Ushijima reached out his hand.

Bokuto took it.

He walked forward slowly.  One step.  Two steps.  Three steps.  Twenty steps, and - Bokuto stood, staring at his feet and squeezing Ushijima’s hand in a death grip - and then, centimeter by centimeter, he raised his face to the glass.

His friends burst out in excited noise - Oikawa whooped, Daichi applauded, and Kuroo thumped his best friend on the back with a stream of delighted congratulations. Even Ushijima murmured a quiet, “Well done.”

“Okay,” Bokuto said, sucking in and letting out a long, shuddery breath. “Okay. What do you want to show me?”

“Look,” Kuroo replied, pointing towards the window.

“What am I looking at?”

“Look.”

And Bokuto looked - at the skyscrapers below them, at the miniature trees, at the postage-stamp parks, at the huge blue sky curving over them.

“There’s so… much,” he said.

Kuroo cleared his throat. “Tokyo was the biggest city in the world, once.  During the Tokugawa period.  Or, I mean, it was Edo then, but there were one million people -”

“Kuroo, nobody wants to hear your dumb nerd facts,” Oikawa reminded him sweetly.

“Right.”  Kuroo turned back to Bokuto, then pointed at the streets three hundred meters below. “The point is. Look at all of those people.”

Bokuto closed his eyes for a second, breathed, gripped Ushijima’s hand tighter, then followed instructions.  “Okay.  I’m - I’m looking.”

“One day,” Kuroo told him, “they’re all gonna know who you are.”

Bokuto leaned on the railing, watching the tiny humans below scurry through the streets. “Are you sure?”

“Sure, I’m sure.  Have I ever lied to you?”

“Yeah. Bro, yesterday, you said -”

“Have I ever lied to you when it was _important_?”

“Dude, Fruit Ninja is so important.”

Kuroo gave him a look.

“Okay, no,” Bokuto conceded.

“And I’m not lying now,” Kuroo said. “You’re gonna be famous. The next big thing since thigh-high fishnets.”

Bokuto stared at his friend, then started to giggle. “Dude, you’re _so gay._ ”

Kuroo’s face went red. “Okay, yes, but that’s not the-”

“He’s right, Bokuto,” Oikawa put in. “Your _hey hey hey_ s are going to be on every TV in the world someday.”

“And the sounds of your spikes slamming into gym floors,” Daichi added, not to be outdone.

Ushijima nodded, squeezing Bokuto’s hand. “The biggest courts in the world are waiting for us.”

Bokuto looked at each of his friends in turn - and then a look of wonder came across his face, as though he’d never quite realized how wide his heart stretched.

“I’m gonna be famous,” he whispered. He stepped forward to the window and pressed his forehead against the glass, an exhilarated grin spreading across his face. “ _Famous_ , guys.”

Daichi joined him, grinning. “We’re all gonna be famous.”

“Famous and smoking hot,” Kuroo said, stepping up next to Daichi.

“Famous and unconquerable,” Ushijima added, standing forward on Bokuto’s other side.

Oikawa completed the row. “They’ll want to bow at our feet,” he proclaimed, throwing his arms out to either side with wicked delight.

Everyone else cast a sidelong glance at him.

Oikawa dropped his arms. “Too much?”

“Too much,” Daichi confirmed.

Oikawa leaned forward, pressed his face against the glass, and closed his eyes.

“They’ll never see us coming,” he whispered.

The five captains stood poised on top of Tokyo - the top of the world - and staring down upon the cars and the trains and the people and the city, all thrumming beneath them like a sleeping dragon almost ready to wake up. A few seconds, minutes, hours passed in silence too big for words, with the conversations of the other tourists fading into a dull roar in the background.

Finally, Bokuto’s stomach broke the spell, with a loud, demanding growl.

“Guys,” he said, plaintively. Slowly, they stirred and came back to earth, shaking the haze from their minds.

Daichi was the first to step back from the window, turning to his friends.  “Time to eat?” he asked.

They all nodded, vehemently.

* * *

The booth was definitely too small.

Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa were all crammed onto one side, Daichi and Ushijima on the other. Oikawa was smushed between Kuroo and the corner of the booth, and the two had been engaged in a quiet but vicious elbowing war since the moment they sat down. Legs battled for space beneath the table, arms nearly toppled water glasses every five seconds above it. Their waitress had stopped by three times now to ask if they weren’t sure they wanted to switch to a bigger table, but they kept insisting they were fine. By the time Bokuto knocked the bottle of soy sauce onto the clean white tablecloth, she just sighed and silently added five dollars to their bill.

And, as though the crowding wasn’t enough, the captains were also the loudest party in the restaurant by far.  They shouted, they bickered, and, at one point, they even cheered.  Nobody else around them particularly wanted to know why.

After allowing them several minutes to look through the menus (with the exception of Daichi, they didn’t), the waitress approached again, pulling a pencil and pad out of her apron and eyeing the table of noisy teenage boys with trepidation. “So, what would you all like?” she asked, raising her voice a little to be heard.

“Guys,” Daichi said.  “Guys!”

“Dude, can’t you see we’re in the middle of a critical arm-wrestling match right now?” Bokuto asked. Ushijima nodded, not looking up from where he and Bokuto were straining at each other’s forearms.

Meanwhile, in their corner, Oikawa and Kuroo had forgotten their elbow war and were intently coloring, sharing a kids’ menu that someone had left on their table. “You can’t _do_ that, clouds are supposed to be left _white_ ,” Oikawa insisted.

“What if I want the clouds to be red?” Kuroo replied.

“ _Why would you want the clouds to be red_?”

Daichi looked at the waitress.

She shrugged. “I can come back later, if you want.”

“I don’t really think that’ll make much of a difference,” Daichi replied. “Here, let me just …”  He picked up a menu, examined it for a moment, then said, “We’ll take three orders of dumplings, one tuna roll, one california roll, a bowl of edamame, and five bowls of ramen - one chicken, two pork, one beef, and one shrimp. Oh, and wonton soup for everyone.”

The waitress scrawled everything down, then nodded.  “It’ll be about twenty minutes.”

“Okay.  Thank you.” With deftness that only a man trained in receives could possess, Daichi wound his way in between the various forms of chaos around him, collected every menu on the table, and handed them to the waitress.

She headed back to the kitchen, and Daichi turned back to the table to find the other four captains staring at him.  “What?”

“Did you just… order for us?” Oikawa asked slowly.

“You weren’t going to do it,” Daichi replied.  He leaned back in the booth and pulled out his phone - there were texts from Suga to answer.

* * *

“Alright, we need to leave a big tip,” Daichi announced.  

Empty dishes littered the table, rice bowls stacked inside of ramen bowls stacked on top of sushi plates.  They had once contained food, it was certain, but where all of that food had gone, it was difficult to say.  Maybe the five boys sitting around the table had performed a vanishing act.  Maybe they had expanding stomachs that allowed them to only eat once every five years.

Maybe they were just incredibly hungry.

No, too implausible.

“A big tip?” Oikawa repeated.

Daichi nodded.  “A big tip.  Actually, not just a big tip - an enormous tip.”

“As big as my biceps?” Bokuto asked.

Daichi donned his best competitive grimace.  “Bigger.”

“But why?” Kuroo wanted to know.  “Have we been rude customers?”

Stormclouds descended upon the restaurant booth.  Thunder rolled in.  Lightning began to crackle.

Or, wait - that was all just Daichi’s face.

Oikawa shrieked.  Bokuto yelled.  Kuroo tried to push back his chair, then remembered he was in a booth seat, and settled for slipping down in the seat until only the top of his head was visible above the table.

“We’re going to leave an enormous tip,” Daichi repeated.

“Daichi, is this what the underclassmen at Karasuno call your scary captain mode?” Ushijima asked, barely looking up from his phone.

“Yeah,” Daichi said, surprised enough to snap out of his terrifying demeanor, if only for a moment.  “How do you know about that?”

Ushijima shrugged.  “I know about a lot of things.”

“I can’t argue with that.”  Daichi started to reach for his wallet, then caught sight of Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa trying to slink away through the back of the restaurant.  “Hey!  Assholes!  Get back here!” he shouted.

“Make us!” Oikawa retorted.  Bokuto stuck out his tongue.

Daichi glared at them, then held up his hand, fingers splayed out.  “I’m going to count backwards from five,” he said.  “And when I get to one, I need you three to be back here, with your wallets out, prepared to contribute at least fifteen hundred yen to this tip.  Five.  Four.  Three. …”

The tip they eventually left was about seventy percent of the total bill.  All of the restaurant employees involved agreed that that was about fair.

And, a few minutes (and several bathroom trips) later, the captains emerged into the long sunrays of late afternoon, food settling pleasantly in their stomachs and wallets considerably lighter than they’d been that morning.

“So, where to now?” Oikawa asked.

Everyone looked at Kuroo.

“Why does everyone assume I know what’s going on?” he asked. “I’m not a walking map, I’m just a guy with some knowledge of Tokyo. And art history.”

Everyone continued looking at Kuroo.

“...Actually, there is a cool memorial not far from here,” he admitted. “With a little park. There might be…more dogs there.”

Bokuto grinned and thumped his friend on the back.  “Knew we could count on you, bro.”

“Lead on,” said Oikawa breezily, and he did.

* * *

“What _is_ this building?” Daichi asked.

“Dunno, but it looks cool as fuck,” Bokuto answered.

“He wasn’t asking you,” Ushijima said.

The captains stood at the start of a concrete walkway, leading to the front of a building that looked like someone had taken a Buddhist temple, stretched it out, and added stupas to the top.  It had multiple roofs colored light green, the first extending low and curved at the ends like a mustache, and the second two more pointed, built on top of each other.  The entrance was flanked by rectangular columns and guarded by small statues.  And behind the building, a grove of cherry blossom trees were in full bloom, branches reaching out and up.

“Oh, this is so cool,” Kuroo said.  “I haven’t been here in ages - not since before I’d learned about it.”  He started striding forward towards the entrance, an excited spring in his step.  Bokuto and Oikawa followed at a slower pace.

Ushijima tilted his head, examining the building.  “It looks a bit like a face,” he observed.

“I don’t see it,” Daichi said.

“Look.”  Ushijima pointed.  “There are the eyes, and that’s a nose, and that’s a really big mustache.”

Daichi tilted his head down, then back up again.  “I kind-of see it.  It looks very cross.”

“Guys!” Kuroo shouted, from the bottom of the stairs leading up to the entrance.  “Come on!”

Daichi and Ushijima spent a few seconds glowering back at the building’s stern face, then hurried over.

" _This,_ ” Kuroo said, spreading his arms out wide, “is the Kanto Earthquake Memorial.  You know what the Kanto Earthquake was, right?”

“Massive earthquake in Tokyo in the twenties, started huge fires, millions of people died,” Oikawa recited.  “Everyone knows about it.”

Kuroo nodded.  “Just thought I’d make sure.”

“Are you calling us uneducated?” Daichi demanded.

“Maybe.”  Kuroo shrugged, then went on.  “This is, obviously, a memorial to that earthquake.  It’s built on the site of this old storage depot, where a whole fuckton of people went, thinking they’d be safe from the fires - but they weren’t.  This memorial in honor of them was built by Ito Chuta, a really cool architect from that time.  He had studied east Asian architecture - Japanese, Chinese, Indian, all that stuff - and he made this building not a replica, but, like, an imitation of Buddhist shrines in Japan - those roofs, and there’s a pagoda back there.  This building is built in reinforced concrete, though, not wood like the shrines were.  Concrete because it had to be earthquake-resistant.  Like, can you imagine if a memorial to the victims of one earthquake was taken down by the next one?  Not good for press.  What’s really cool - or, at least, what I think is really cool - is that the plan for this building is also based on a Gothic cathedral-”

Kuroo looked up to gesticulate and realized abruptly that his audience had departed. He turned around and just managed to catch a glimpse of Ushijima disappearing inside the memorial.

“Nobody appreciates a liberal arts education these days,” he muttered, and then jumped up the steps and headed inside.

The inside of the memorial was drastically different from the outside, with thicker, rounder columns, a tiled floor, and lighting that looked like it belonged in an industrial revolution-era European town.  But none of the other captains were paying much attention - they were all clustered around a pamphlet that Daichi had procured from a tour guide.

“So, I think we can go to the museum, or we can walk around outside,” he was saying.

Oikawa looked up, noticed Kuroo, and beckoned him over.  “Hey!  You were wrong!  It says here that this is a memorial to the victims of the World War II bombings!”

Kuroo frowned.  “It can be a memorial to multiple things.”

Oikawa shrugged.  “Yeah, whatever.  Come over here and help us decide what to do.”

“We could probably go to the museum, then walk around after it gets boring,” Bokuto suggested.

“Museums are informative, not boring,” Ushijima said.

“They’re informative and _also_ boring,” Bokuto corrected.

Ushijima considered that, then nodded.  “Okay.  Museum, then outside.”

“Fine with me, as long as we see some dogs at some point,” Daichi agreed.  

“Guys, this is _such a cool building,_ ” Kuroo practically wailed.

Daichi stared at him.  “But have you considered … dogs.”

Kuroo restrained the urge to bang his head against a pillar.

“Wait.  Kuroo.”  Oikawa stopped on his way out of the room so abruptly, Bokuto bumped into him.

“Yeah?”

“What is … _that_?”

“What is what?”

Oikawa pointed.

Kuroo squinted in the direction of his finger - there was something above the entrance they’d come in from. Some kind of small light, only it wasn’t just a light.  It was a light held in the mouth of some kind of stone … creature.

“That looks like a tiny animal,” Bokuto said.  “Like an owl.  Do you think it’s an owl?”

“It’s definitely not an owl,” Daichi replied.  “I wish we still had those binoculars.”

Ushijima held up his phone, took a picture of the animal in question, then zoomed in.  The others waited with bated breath as he examined his handiwork.

“It’s an aardvark,” he finally announced.

“A _what?_ ” four voices asked at once.

“An aardvark.  It’s a mammal.  I think it lives in Africa.  We learned about it in my history class once.  I don’t remember why.”

Oikawa looked at Kuroo.  “So, architecture expert, what the fuck is an aardvark doing in this memorial to the victims of the Great Kanto Earthquake?”

“Well, I think that …” Kuroo started.  Everyone looked at him.  “I think.  Um.  I think.”  He ran his hands through his hair, subsequently making his bedhead even worse than it had been before.  “I have no fucking clue.”

“Yeah!” Bokuto cheered.

“Let’s just … Go to the museum,” Daichi said.

* * *

The museum was not as boring as they’d feared, but it wasn’t exactly entertaining, either.

Somehow, the captains had failed to realize that memorial for the victims of the Great Kanto Earthquake and the Tokyo air raids really meant, _memorial for thousands of people who died in horrible, tragic ways._  They stepped back outside into the dwindling sunlight part horrified, part sad, and part ready to hit something.

And, in Bokuto’s case, ready to do something about it. With no warning, he shouted, “Hey, guys, watch this!”

Bokuto sprinted down a stone pathway a short ways, screeched to a halt at an expanse of grass, then toppled over onto his back.

Kuroo jogged up next to him.  “Bro, you okay?”

Bokuto grinned up at his friend.  “I’m good.  Just, y’know.  Lying on the ground.  Sticking my leg up in the air.”

“You aren’t sticking your leg up in the air,” Kuroo told him.

Bokuto promptly stuck his leg up in the air.  “I am _now._ ”

Kuroo looked at him for a moment, then lay down and did the same.

“Yes!” Bokuto hooted.  “It’s finally taking off!  Sticking your leg up in the air is the new orange!”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it goes,” Oikawa said.  But he, too, lay down and stuck his leg up as far as it would go - skinny jeans were not exactly conducive to stretching.

“Daichi, join us!” Bokuto exclaimed, pointing his leg in the captain in question’s direction.  “You have the best legs for up-sticking!”

“You’ve told me that before,” Daichi said.

“That means I’m right!  Come on!”

Daichi looked around, as though reminding himself that he was in a public place, where strangers might see him and regard him as a bad example for their children - but then, he also reminded himself that he would likely never see any of those strangers again.

“Alright.”  He lay down, then raised both of his legs, looking up at the muscle shifting smoothly under his skin.

“Show-off,” Oikawa said. Daichi just raised his legs higher.

Ushijima pulled out his phone, swiped the screen a few times, then quietly joined the party.

"This is pretty satisfying," Daichi admitted, and they lapsed into silence, enjoying the sensation.

The legs rejoiced in the joys of air and wind and freedom for a minute or so, but, one by one, they were all lowered as their muscles gave out.  Daichi’s legs lasted the longest, yet even the thighs strong enough to carry Karasuno to victory were not invincible.

“Don’t tell Hinata that I had to put my legs down,” Daichi told Bokuto.

Bokuto laughed.  “Whatever you say.”

“Satori and I used to do this,” Ushijima said suddenly.

“Do what?  Stick your legs up in the air?” Bokuto asked.

“Yes,” Ushijima replied.  “Not quite like this, but something like this.  After practice, sometimes.  Or when we went on long runs together.  We’d lie down on our backs and stretch.  And talk, sometimes.”

“How are you and Satori?” Daichi asked.  “You don’t talk about him much.”

Ushijima shrugged, the grass scratchy against his back.  “We hang out.  We talk.  Sometimes we have sex.  It’s good.”

“That does sound pretty ideal,” Bokuto agreed.  “But you aren’t … going to the same university, are you?”

There was a pause, then Ushijima said, “We aren’t.  He’s going to a school in Hokkaido.  Studying journalism.  He says he’ll cover all my games.”

“Oh, man, he’d be so good at that!” Bokuto exclaimed.  “His commentary is hilarious.”

“It is.  But I think I will miss him.”

“You think so?” Daichi asked carefully.

Ushijima lifted his leg up half a meter or so, then placed it slowly back onto the ground.  “I think so.  I will miss talking to him.  There’s the phone, and Skype, and Snapchat, but it isn’t really the same.”

“Wait, hold up.”  Oikawa sat up, then stared at Ushijima.  “Snapchat?”

“Yes?” Ushijima said.  “Is it strange that I use it?”

“A little unexpected, maybe,” Kuroo said.

“I do only have one contact.”

“Who, Tendou?” Bokuto wondered.

“Yes.  We have - what it’s it called - a streak?  A two hundred and thirty-eight-day streak.”

Oikawa’s eyes went wide as lightbulbs.  “Wait … this whole day … when you took out your phone … were you _snapchatting Tendou?_ ”

“Yes,” Ushijima replied.  “I also saved the pictures and videos.  For posterity, as Bokuto says.”

Daichi leapt to his feet and took off at a dead run down the path.

“Was it something I said?” Ushijima asked, confused.

“DOG!” Daichi shouted over his shoulder. “It’s getting away, though!”

Bokuto gasped audibly, then jumped directly from a standstill into a sprint.  “OH MY GOD WHERE.”

“I would also like to know where,” Ushijima said. He got up and followed at a jog, holding up his phone to snapchat the two runners ahead of him.

Oikawa looked at Kuroo.  Kuroo looked at Oikawa.  Oikawa shrugged, as though to say, _do we really have any choice?_

The two of them got up as well, walking down the path after their friends.

* * *

_7:19 P.M._

_ur favorite lolcat would like to add you as a contact._

_You and ur favorite lolcat are now connected on skype!_

**ur favorite lolcat:** SUGA  
**pour some suga on me:** kuroo?

_ur favorite lolcat sent a video_

**ur favorite lolcat:** LOOK AT YOUR BF  
**ur favorite lolcat:** HES SUCH A NERD  
**pour some suga on me:** kuroo that’s a dog D:  
**ur favorite lolcat:** DAICHI IS FLIPPING HIS SHIT OVER THE DOG -bokuto  
**ur favorite lolcat:** ITS ME BECAUSE KUROO IS NOW ALSO FLIPPING HIS SHIT OVER THE DOG -bokuto  
**ur favorite lolcat:** OK POPCORN OIKAWA I WANNA GO PET THE DOG TOO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hellooooooo, refreshing-kun  
**pour some suga on me:** ah…oikawa…  
**ur favorite lolcat:** did you know that daichi’s skype name is Mr. Sugawara Daichi  
**pour some suga on me:** WH  
**pour some suga on me:** I  
**pour some suga on me:** I HAVE TO GO  
**ur favorite lolcat:** hehehe

_7:24 P.M._

_ur favorite lolcat renamed this chat to “#savesugawarakoushi2k16.”_

The dog was a beautiful, silky spaniel, with white and chocolate-brown fur, and big brown eyes that looked like all they had ever done was love. Unfortunately, as the group had soon discovered, the looks were where it stopped. The animal was irritable and standoffish, and although the spiky-haired girl attached to its leash had given them permission to pet him, Mitsui-chan was having none of it. However, Daichi was a man on a mission, and he had quickly determined that the dog calmed down and was even friendly when he was picked up.

“He likes being held,” explained the girl. “Cause he’s lazy, and when people hold him he doesn’t have to walk places.”

“He’s so smooth,” Daichi observed in awe, nuzzling Mitsui’s head and missing Kuroo quietly taking a video and the subsequent mild chaos over his phone. Ushijima joined him in stroking the dog’s long, soft ears, and then Kuroo, and then Bokuto as Oikawa hung back on Kuroo’s phone. Mitsui basked in the attention, resting his chin on Daichi’s shoulder.

“He’s a little shit,” said the girl cheerfully. “Wouldn’t trade him for the world.”

“Oikawa, come pet this dog,” Kuroo called over his shoulder. Oikawa came over and put Kuroo’s phone into its owner’s back pocket, earning himself an eyebrow wiggle at the touch, but he hung back from the dog.

“I’ll keep my hands clean of whatever it’s been rolling in, thanks.”

“Nonsense,” Daichi said indignantly. “Look how clean he is. You’re a good dog, Mitsui,” he added to the dog in his arms.

But Oikawa wouldn’t be convinced, and soon enough Mitsui’s owner was fidgeting to leave. Daichi carefully placed the dog down on the ground and thanked the girl, and then rallied his troops to depart. As they made their way back down the path towards their mopeds, Daichi let out a huge, happy sigh.

“Having a good time, Daichi?” Kuroo asked, amused.

“There have just been so many good dogs,” Daichi explained, sounding overwhelmed. Absently, he pulled out his phone to check the notification for the group chat that had come in midway through the dog holding, and then frowned at the screen.

“Save Sugawara Koushi two-kay-sixteen? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Oikawa reassured him.

* * *

As they pushed open the door of the ice cream shop, Bokuto and Oikawa were arguing.

“Bro, it’s _never_ not the weather for ice cream!”

“No, what about when it’s cold and you try to take it outside and your hands freeze?” Oikawa countered.

“If you let that stop you from eating ice cream, you aren’t worthy of the ice cream in the first place,” Bokuto insisted. Kuroo and Daichi exchanged a look, silently agreeing to let the pair argue it out.

“What if your fingers are _too stiff_ to eat more ice cream?”

“Okay, you have a point there,” Bokuto admitted as they walked up to the counter. “But can’t you just stay inside?”

“But we _are_ going to be going outside with these! We don’t have time to stay here, remember? And it’s already after dark!” Oikawa stepped up to order first. “Um, medium cone of vanilla soft serve. Thanks.”

“Soft _serve_ , huh?” Kuroo asked, looking incredibly pleased with himself for the pun.

Oikawa scowled at him. “Shut it.”

“No, no, it suits you,” interjected Ushijima. Kuroo barked a laugh at Oikawa’s indignant expression, and held up his hand to Ushijima for a high five. Ushijima looked at it for a moment, then patted it gently.

Daichi asked for a medium cone of mint chocolate chip - “I find it refreshing,” he explained, and Oikawa rolled his eyes loudly - and Bokuto ambitiously ordered the largest thing on the menu, a massive sundae intended for four to share.

“Are you sure you can finish that?” Daichi asked him, concerned, as Kuroo ordered a strawberry milkshake. “Your eyes might be bigger than your stomach, you know.”

“Physiologically improbable,” said Ushijima over his shoulder. “Large coffee waffle cone, please.”

“You underestimate my stomach, Daichi,” Bokuto said with a confident grin. “Have faith.”

Roughly ten minutes later, Bokuto was groaning and prone on the sidewalk, with two-thirds of the sundae roiling in his stomach and the other third melting in the dish next to him. Kuroo sat next to him, sympathetically patting his back. “It’s okay, bro. You fought valiantly.”

“This is karma,” Oikawa said. “Cause you tried to eat it outside in the cold.”

“Oikawa, don’t be mean,” Kuroo rebuked him, and in the same breath offered, with a shit-eating grin, “Bro, want some of my milkshake?”

Bokuto gave him a look like a dog with a glob of peanut butter stuck to the roof of its mouth. “Not right now, bro.”

They were interrupted by a loud “FUCK!” from Daichi’s direction, and looked up in surprise to see the cone of mint chocolate chip smeared across his jeans.

“Daichi, did you just spill that?” Kuroo asked.

“Wow, Dad, that’s pretty irresponsible,” Oikawa put in, and Daichi flushed.

“I was surprised, okay! There was a- _Kuroo, are you taking a picture of me?!_ ”

_7:39 P.M._

**ur favorite lolcat:** sawamura daichi spilling ice cream on himself documented for posterity

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

**HOOT HOOT:** BRO  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** After I pet that dog.

Oikawa, opening the message with his non-sticky hand as he licked at the last of his cone, looked up in confusion. “A dog?”

But Daichi was already gone. Oikawa looked ahead, following his gaze, then stiffened at the sight of the animal and hurried after him. Bokuto, Kuroo, and Ushijima followed behind. “Daichi, that is a _pitbull_. Daichi - hey, wait-”

“May I say hi to your dog?” Daichi asked the owner, a tall woman in a tracksuit with an undercut. She looked surprised, but answered affirmatively.

“Daichi,” Kuroo said uneasily as Daichi knelt down on the pavement in front of the muscular brown dog, “I know you love dogs, but this one might not be a good idea.”

Daichi paused. “Why?”

“Uh, it’s a pitbull? They’re pretty aggressive, you know.”

“I don’t think so,” he said softly. “I know she looks scary, but look at her eyes - see how warm and friendly they are? I think she’s kind.”

“Or maybe you’re a hopeless romantic,” suggested Oikawa.

“Come on, give her a chance,” Daichi urged him, and slowly extended his left hand to the pitbull.

She bent her powerful neck, examining it with intelligent eyes, then gently pushed her muzzle into his palm and whuffed against his hand.

“Ohhhh,” whispered Daichi. He scratched the dog’s ears, and her brown eyes squeezed shut with delight. She pushed her head up into Daichi’s hands, and he scratched harder, mumbling indistinct words to her.

“I can’t believe this,” Oikawa said to Kuroo, who nodded in agreement.

Bokuto was watching the scene unfold with interest. “She really is friendly, isn’t she?”

The woman holding the leash laughed a little. “Most people are scared of her, but she’s just a happy bean.”

“What’s her name?” Bokuto asked, moving to kneel down on the pavement and start patting the dog’s side.

“Sunny,” the woman answered.

“Sunny,” Bokuto repeated, and scratched the pitbull’s back vigorously. Sunny’s tail started thumping against the pavement.

Ushijima joined him, moving surprisingly quietly for his large size, and started petting her other side.

“You are a sausage with legs,” Ushijima told Sunny gravely. Her tail thumped harder. “Your legs are also sausages.”

“You’re right, bro!” Bokuto said, delighted.

Oikawa and Kuroo, the only two still hanging back, looked at their three happy friends clustered around the equally happy pitbull, then at each other.

“I guess it is kind of cute,” Oikawa finally allowed, grudgingly.

“Bro, this is fucking _adorable_ ,” Kuroo corrected him. “Let’s go.”

“Okay, okay.” The two of them approached the dog and the other captains, settling down around the only space left free, which was her rump.

“We have to take the butt?” Kuroo muttered as Sunny’s tail thumped into his side. Nonetheless, he started petting her back with growing enthusiasm.

“Late to the party, bro.”

Several minutes of petting and enthusing over Sunny later, the woman, who had been watching them with fondness, cleared her throat and informed them apologetically that she, in fact, had to get home to make dinner for her family. This was understandable, and after a heartfelt goodbye to Sunny and thanks to her owner, the five captains were left standing and stretching to crack their backs on the sidewalk, each one wearing some degree of a smile.

“She was a really good dog,” Daichi said. “Maybe the best dog all day.”

“Mmhmm,” Ushijima agreed. The group started strolling back towards their mopeds, slow-moving but alert in the evening air.

“I wish she hadn’t had to leave for dinner,” Bokuto lamented. “She was so good.”

“Is it really dinnertime already?” Oikawa asked. Bokuto held up his watch for Oikawa to look at. “Oh, _shit_ , it’s eight o’clock? That was quick.”

“It’s cause you’re having fun, bro.”

“True,” Oikawa agreed, for once without any argument.

Kuroo frowned a little. “Daichi, what time did you say your train tickets home were for?”

“Uh, let me check.” Daichi pulled out his wallet and squinted at the ticket. “Eight...fifteen.”

There was a brief moment of deathly silence. Kuroo and Daichi stared at each other.

“Shit,” said Daichi, and they bolted for the mopeds.

Daichi didn’t complain about Kuroo’s driving this time, and even Bokuto was reckless enough to run a few yellow lights. They parked outside of the train station at 8:10 - tore through the station - past restaurants and shops and chastising passerby - through people and around people and over people (at one point Bokuto leaped over a toddling girl, which was definitely ill-advised) - up stairs and down stairs and through hallways - pushing as fast as they possibly could like this was the volley of the last game of their lives - and arrived, wheezing, on the platform at 8:13.

The train was idling as a few last passengers took their seats, and Oikawa bolted for the door.

Or, at least, he attempted to bolt for the door, and made it about two steps before the arms deemed worthy of Frankencaptain wrapped around his waist.

“Not so fast,” said Bokuto into his ear, happily ignoring Oikawa’s struggling. “You’re not leaving without a hug!”

“If you don’t let go of me I might not be leaving at _all-_ ”

“Shhh,” Bokuto told him. “C’mon, guys, get in on this,” he added to the rest of the group. Kuroo was the first to join in, sandwiching Oikawa between himself and his best friend, then Ushijima, and then finally Daichi, wrapping his arms around the whole group and squeezing them all together. Oikawa squirmed for a moment before he accepted his fate and relaxed. Enveloped in the warm group hug of four good friends, it was impossible to be irritated for long.

“Don’t cry again,” said Kuroo from somewhere above Oikawa’s head.

“I’m not _crying_ -” Oikawa attempted to swat at Kuroo, but he was too close for it to be effective, and then the circle was loosening with laughter. It was contagious, and despite his best effort, Oikawa found giggles bubbling up inside his own chest.

The hug broke apart, gradually and happily and just in time for them to catch the train’s last whistle that signalled the doors sliding shut.

Frantic curses bounced around the group, and Oikawa lunged for the closing door. His fingers brushed against the handle, but it was too late - the train was already moving, picking up speed until it disappeared into the tunnel and left the five boys standing on the platform.

“Fuck,” said Kuroo, which summed it up pretty well.

“Let’s go back to the ticket booth,” said Daichi, already walking back down the platform. “We can probably get tickets for the next train.”

The bored teenager in the ticket booth quashed that hope quickly.

“The Miyagi line only runs every two hours,” she told them. “That was the last one for the night.”

“The _night?_ ”

“It’ll start again at eight fifteen tomorrow morning. Sorry,” she added, seeing their looks of distress, “it isn’t a very popular line.”

Daichi thanked her politely, and then they moved slightly away, forming a loose circle in the middle of the train station. Oikawa was looking murderous, and Daichi seemed none too pleased either. For a moment, nobody said anything.

Kuroo finally broke the silence.

“So, uh,” he said, “sleepover at my place?”

* * *

_March 27, 2016  
_ _12:02 P.M._

 **ur favorite lolcat:** hey so im guessing you guys are still on the train home  
**ur favorite lolcat:** i looked at the pictures and my mom is a really bad photographer im sorry  
**ur favorite lolcat:** theyre all hells of blurry  
**ur favorite lolcat:** but this one candid came out ok

_ur favorite lolcat sent a picture_

“Hey, Oikawa - oh, he fell asleep? Ushijima, can you wake him up?”

“Okay.” Ushijima gently shook Oikawa, whose head was resting on his shoulder again, although this time it was intentional.

Oikawa stirred, yawning and blinking sleep out of his eyes as he sat upright. “What happened?” he asked, voice fuzzy with sleep. “Are we home?”

Daichi held out his phone. “Kuroo sent the picture.” Oikawa took the phone, tilting the screen slightly so Ushijima could see it too.

“Oh, that’s cute,” Oikawa said.

Ushijima made a noise of agreement. “Very cute.”

“Do you think I should print a copy to keep in my wallet?” Daichi asked.

“That would be incredibly dadlike of you,” said Ushijima.

“So...yes?”

“Definitely.”

The picture showed the five captains, crowded between the sofa and low table in Kuroo’s living room. Bokuto was standing in the center, beaming ear to ear, with his right arm tucked under Kuroo’s shoulders and his left over Oikawa’s. Kuroo was smirking across him at Oikawa, with his own right arm slung easily over Daichi’s shoulders. Oikawa had made a peace sign with his left hand, but it dangled forgotten at his side as he pulled a grotesque face at Kuroo. On Kuroo’s right, Daichi was leaning forward to chide them, his face half-fond, half-exasperated. On Oikawa’s left, Ushijima’s right arm had managed to reach across both Oikawa’s and Bokuto’s shoulders, his left hand was held up with a (more successful) peace sign, and he was smiling his warm smile, eyes shining with genuine happiness. And propped up against Kuroo’s and Bokuto’s legs, a handwritten cardboard sign read,

 ~~_WELCOME_ ~~ _LONG LIVE_

 _NATIONAL HOT DAD_ ~~_CONFERENCE_ ~~ _ALLIANCE_

_12:06 P.M._

**USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI:** Dont worry about it, Kuroo  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** Yeah.  
**Mr. Sugawara Daichi:** This one is just fine.

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~dog symbolism? us? never~~

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